UPJOKE
scrawnyleanthinscraggyweedyunderweightbonyinfokidblondcutechubbyslenderblondeslim

Skinny Jokes

A fat man meets a skinny man

The fat man tells the skinny man: "when people look at you, they think the world's starving to death"

And the skinny man responds: "when they look at you, they know why"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the large, muscular, Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

To the slightly less muscular but still large Italian man, he says, "You're in charge of sweeping."

And to the skinny Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of...

A woman in Germany is Skinny-Dipping in a lake...

A woman in Germany is skinny dipping in a local lake, when she notices a police officer waving to her from the bank. "Excuse me, Fräulein," he says. "You can't swim in this lake. It's illegal."

Mortified, the woman says, "Couldn't you have told me that before I stripped naked?!"

The of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are Japanese people so skinny?

The last time there was a fat man, an entire city blew up.

My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Caught Skinny Dipping

A priest and a rabbi are good friends and one night they get talking about Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. The conversation leads them to try skinny dipping and under the light of the moon, they find themselves in swimming in a lake with their clothes hung from a tree. A car pulls up right next...

I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man...

I am trans-fat.

What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common?

No *ball*room

What do you call a skinny Muslim

A muSLIM.

Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel.

There’s no ballroom.

Why is Caitlyn Jenner so skinny?

Because the FDA just banned trans fats.

I told my wife, "You are so skinny."

Then I grabbed her by the love handles and said, "Just look at all this skin."

I’m fat, but I identify as skinny.

I’m trans slender.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed...

I tried to wear skinny jeans once

I couldn't pull 'em off

Skinny dipping

A farmer heads down to the pond carrying a bucket. As he nears the pond he hears voices. It's a bunch of girls skinny dipping. The girls hear him coming and all head down to the deep end. "We see you!" shouts one of them. "We're not coming out until you've gone". The farmer says "What? You think I'v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The little guy faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy s...

Why are plants so skinny?

They usually have a light lunch.

Why was the skinny scientist so excited?

>!He just won the no belly prize!<

Skinny Dipping Boys Checking the Other's Manhood

Two boys were skinny dipping and the one couldn't help noticing the size of the other's manhood, so he asked, "How did you get it so big?" The other boy responded, "Well, I rub it down every night with lard." Two weeks later they were back at the swimming hole. Once again there was a comparison made...

Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, was quite skinny, and apparently had bad breath.

That'd make him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

What does a skinny pharmacist take?

Gotnoasitol

What did god say when Eve went skinny dipping?

Damnit, i'm never getting that smell out of the fish.

Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny...

...I just release about 25% of her from the air valve.

Why are bachelors skinny and married guys fat?

Bachelors go to the fridge, don't see anything they like, and go to bed. Married guys go to bed, don't see anything they like, and go to the fridge.

Small, skinny man is sitting in a pub...

There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:

\- Oh, stop crying, baby. That's just one beer...

The small man:

\- Okay, listen! Today my wife left me, my bank accoun...

What happened when the skinny butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

He got a little behind in his work.

A Priest and a Rabbi a going for a walk.

After some time of walking and because its such a hot Summerday, they decide to go skinny dipping in a Lake nearby.

After a long and refreshing swim, they return to the shore and find their clothes missing.

They both decide to risk it and return home as fast as possible.

As luck...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know a skinny guy who moved to Alaska.

When he came back, he was a husky fucker.

Security Guard : "I'm sorry ma'am but skinny dipping is prohibited in this beach "

Woman : " You could have warned me before I removed the clothes"

Security guard :" Well, there is no law about that".

As a fat guy, I tend to avoid wearing skinny jeans.

I find it very difficult to pull it off.

An elderly man in Louisiana ...

... had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there f...

What did the skinny farmer say to his wife?

I need to whey more.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

85% of women say their ass is too fat, 10% say their ass is too skinny

The other 5% say he’s my husband and I accept him how he is

Two college girls went skinny dipping in a pond

Suddenly a farmer comes over with a bucket and they scream and cover themselves.

"What are you doing, you pervert?!" One of them shouts.

The farmer then pours the bucket of fish into the water.

"Oh don't worry, I'm just here to feed the alligators,"

Skinny dipping involves a swimming pool.

Fat dipping involves a ranch cup and chicken nuggets.

There was a skinny bus conductor and a buff guy...

Whenever the buff guy traveled the bus and conductor came to him for the ticket, buff guy says I don't buy tickets.

The conductor always meekly went away.



One day the conductor got tired of this and joined the gym.

After some time he too got buff.



Next day...

I'm really fit and skinny

Too bad this is the only subreddit I can say this on

How did Christian Bale get so skinny for "The Machinist"?

He's a methhead actor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Hitler skinny during WWII?

He was on a cleanse

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a real skinny dick?

A girth defect.

A fat guy meets a skinny guy...

The fat one says: "You look like there's been a famine."

The skinny one replies: "You look like you caused it".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decided to go skinny dipping

He found a secluded pond in the woods and went for a nude swim. Some kids happened by and decided to steal his clothes as a joke and only left his straw hat. When the man finally noticed his clothes were missing, he grabbed his hat, covered the family jewels, and made a run for home. On the way he p...

So I have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny.

He’s trans slender

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...

Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his net...

What do you call a skinny kim-jung in?

Slim-jung un

Your Mama is so skinny

She can wrap a Motel 6 bath towel around her waist

A couple decided to go skinny dipping in Paris during a cold winter night.

They were In Seine

What do you call a skinny Pakistani cow?

A moo-slim.

If you had a choice between drinking wine or being skinny what would you choose?

Red or white?



My grandma laughed a lot when she read this on Facebook so I’m not even sure if it’s that funny but whatever eh?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FOUND A STARVING, DIRTY, SMELLY, SKINNY, AND MATTED KITTY.....

Hubby and I felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.' The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come to get her.
My hubby (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For someone with a penis, wearing skinny jeans is a lot like living in a cheap mansion...

There's no ballroom.

"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"

"I have to do that or daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."

"That's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Whats fat on the bottom, skinny on the top, and has ears?

Mountains!



...what? You've never head of mountaineers?

To the guy who stole my really tight skinny jeans...

You won't be able to run, just hide.

In an objective point of view, fat women are more attractive than skinny woman.

According to Newton, the heavier an object is, the more it attracts other objects.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend and I went skinny dipping in the ocean...

The water was cold and when we got out, she pointed at my penis and started laughing. I had to explain to her what shrinkage was, and that it was not always the same size. After some discussion, she understood the concept and said, “so you’re about 2 inches, on average?”

I replied, “Well, tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A skinny nerd walks into a bar.

“Hey!” he shouts to one table “All you idiots should move to table seven!” and to another table he shouts “And all you morons should move to table nine!” A big ass body builder gets up from the first table and faces the nerd and growls “Hey, I’m not an idiot!” The nerd straightens his glasses, looks...

Everyone in my family has extremely skinny legs, so we all have to have our pants custom made. It's wicked expensive.

Damn skinny genes.

What do you call a skinny and malnourished llama?

Da'light' llama

If you’re skinny but identify as a fat person...

Would that make you a trans-fat?

What do you call a long, skinny fish wearing makeup and a suit of armor?

Pretty Sir Eel

Why are math students so skinny?

Because they buy no meals.







(Binomials)

I know skinny jeans are fashionable...

But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off

Skinny Dippers

A farmer in Maine was just finishing up a tough day in the Summer Sun. He decided that after such a tough day the perfect thing he needed was a walk around his pond. The blueberries were in full bloom so he decided that it was worthwhile to pick some up for breakfast the next day, so he grabbed a bu...

A fat guy and a skinny guy are sitting next to each other on the bus.

The fat guy looks the skinny guy over and says, "Looking at you, one can think there is not enough food in the world."

The skinny guy replies, "and looking at you, one can see why."

Why are shopaholics in the UK generally very skinny?

Because they are always losing pounds.

I wanted to go skinny dipping this summer

But at least I went chubby dipping

A short and skinny guy, Dave, enters the lumberjacks' office

He says he wants a job. A giant man stands up, laughs, and tells him to be in the woods at 5 a.m. 4.55 am, Dave is there. The giant tells him everybody has to clear 5 acres of trees until the end of the shift. The shift ends, Dave cuts 5.2 acres. The giant, obviously impressed, asks him where he lea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a fake dollar bill and a skinny prostitute?

One’s a phony buck

I went to a store with a lot of clothing intended for skinny people.

They had some XS.

My son was depressed because of his obesity. "Trust me," I told him, "skinny people get down too."

"Unless you're on a see-saw with them," I added.

A group of men from San Francisco were skinny dipping...

When a Condom floated to the surface

"okay guys, who farted?

An Irish Lumberjack

A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.

The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chan...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the fat prostitute say to the skinny prostitute?

"We really should have made better life choices."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A six lane motorway and an autobahn are having a drink in a bar.

The door opens and a skinny useless looking single strip of asphalt walks in and sits near them. The motorway nudges and gestures the autobahn to move quietly to another part of the bar. When they are seated again the autobahn asks what the problem is. The motorway replies "You don't want to be near...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I swear skinny people without butts eat the most...

They're bottomless!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Scottish men have long skinny dicks?

Because they're tight fisted wankers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A skinny white guy meets his cell-mate for the first time...

Who happens to be a seven and a half foot monster of a black man.
As soon as the guards lock the cell and leave the black man stands up and unzips his trousers. There's a dull thud as his massive cock hits the floor.

He swings it one way, smashing the sink off the wall. He swings it the ot...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.