UPJOKE

Bald Man Jokes

How does a bald man run his fingers through his hair?

He cuts holes in his pockets.

I'm as bad at analogies as a bald man in a tree

that's it

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.

He doesn't know what costume to wear in order to not draw attention to his head or his leg, and he has a month to prepare so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a package with the following letter:

"Dear Sir:

Please find enclosed a compli...

Never insult a bald man.

There’ll be hell toupee.

What would you call it when a bald man finally removes his ponytail?

A hipsterectomy.

A bald man...

a bald man decides to take a shower, he enters the bathroom, slips due to water on the ground, falls on his head, slips again.

What do you call lice that lives in a bald man’s head?

Homeless

An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...

At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. ...

There was a lot of controversy with the bald man’s will

Turns out he didn’t have any heirs

Did you hear about the bald man?

yeah, he tattooed rabbits all over his head. From a distance they look like hares.

Bald man

Bald man marries a bald women
When they had a son, they named him Harry

How did the bald man live after he got caught stealing a wig?

He lived toupee.

Bald man’s comb

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?

"I will never part with it !"

A bald man walks into a bar...

He approaches the barkeeper and tells him

"I have something in my pocket that I will show you. If you swear you've never seen anything like it before, I'll have free drinks all night"

The barkeeper, in his mid fifties, who has clearly seen a lot in his life, agrees with a nod.

T...

A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”

Hair Club Salesman: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”

Bald Man: “How about faux dollars faux hair?”


Sorry guys, I’ll show myself outta hair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bald man with a frog on his head walks in to a doctor

Before the doc manages to ask, the frog squeaks:
"Something got stuck to my arse."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bald man goes to the doctor

A bald man goes to the doctor and says,"Doc, is there anything you can do to help me get my hair back?" The doctor says,"Here, take this jar of pussy juice and rub some on your head every night for a month." The man has tried everything so far so he figures he will give it a try. One month later he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bald man and his wig

A bald man wearing a wig, along with his wife, go to the movie theater. After lights out, the man somehow loses his wig. He uses his hand and searches for it around his seat. His wife, having been deprived of sex for so long, uses this opportunity and takes his hand and puts it under her panties. Hi...

A man goes to a movie theater

Just as the movie starts, a guy with a shaved head sits right in front of him and the theater lights reflect off the bald man's head. The man behind can't watch the movie at all. He thinks to himself, "I should smack him on the back of his head," but then hesitates, thinking, "That guy is huge... he...

The job interviewer asked me, what my weakness is.

So I told him that I am brutally honest.

He acted surprised and said he sees this as a strenght, not as a weakness.

But after that I was thrown out of the building only because I replied that I am not interested in the opinion of an incapable fat bald man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

bald.

A bald man went to the Dr to ask for help with his baldness, after months of trying various treatments, nothing had worked, in desperation, the Dr suggested that he rubbed his head against his wife's pussy every night. So he did, a month later, he had a fine covering of hair on his head, he was so p...

Little Johnny is out with his mum at the shops

Little Johnny is out with his mum at the shops when he sees a bald man. He asks, "Mum, why doesn't that man have any hair on his head?"

His mum looks up and sees the classic male-pattern baldness afflicting the man. She replies, "His hormones most likely."

Little Johnny asks, "Can't he...

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Man thinks his wife cheats on him when he's at work...

He can't afford cameras, and he aint the brightest guy around, so he thinks a parrot will do the trick. He'll watch what's going on in the house when the man's away and tell him when he gets back.



He goes to a store and explains the situation.

\-I got a great selection of parro...

A collection of jokes from Ancient Rome

Jokes of the Ancient Romans



Some provincial man has come to Rome, and while walking on the streets he was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks: "Tell me, young man, did you...

Two guys were waiting for the train at a busy train station...

bored by the wait, the first guy decides to have fun. He gazes across the distance and spots a lonely bald man and challenges his friend to go smack him on his head for twenty bucks.
The second guy accepts the challenge. He goes behind the bald guy and slaps the man behind his shiny bald head - ...

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