UPJOKE
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Toupee Jokes

Bald guy: "Hey, bro, I'm new in town. Do you know where I can buy a toupee?"

Bro: "Not off the top of my head."

When my Great Grandfather died they cremated his body but kept his toupee.

It is considered a family hairloom.

A lorry full of toupees was stolen...

Police are combing the area for clues.

What did the toupee say to the hat?

Cover me, I’m going on ahead.

If Satan ever loses his hair...

...there will be hell toupee.

TIL Leo Tolstoy funded his writing career by selling used toupees

His shop was named “Worn Piece”

I bought a wig for a dollar today

It was a small price toupee.

I can’t think of a time when I lost my toupee while riding a motorcycle.

At least not right off the top of my head.

A truck full of toupees tipped over on my way to work this morning.

This police are still combing the area.

Don't buy a wig from The Devil...

...there'll be Hell toupee

My friend and I make wigs...

It's not that exciting but it helps toupee the bills.

Never insult a bald man.

There’ll be hell toupee.

The Theater

very popular film was being shown at the local cinema last week-end &
the place was packed. Suddenly a woman stood up and with
a scream rushed out into the foyer to search out the
manager.
“I’ll never come back here again,” she complained. “I’ve just
been interfered with.”
A s...

I was fed-up with people laughing at me for being bald, so I went out and bought a hairpiece.

It was a small price toupee.

Did you hear about the guy who accidentally stole a wig?

He walked out of the store and forgot toupee.

Did you hear that the devil lost his hairpiece?

If he doesn’t find it, there will be hell toupee!

I got caught trying to steal a hairpiece.

There was a price toupee.

Three surgeons are sitting in a bar...

... getting drunk and talking about the great successes in their careers. The first takes a shot and says, 'I had a a patient, a concert pianist. He severed all ten of his fingers in a freak cooking accident with a very sharp knife. I meticulously reattached them, and within a year, he played a conc...

Why shouldn't you visit an expensive wig shop?

**It's too high of a price 'toupee.'**

How did the bald man live after he got caught stealing a wig?

He lived toupee.

Wearing a second hand hairpiece may seem kind of gross

but its a small price toupee

The devil has started to get really self conscious about his receding hairline and is planning to take out his anger on the humans if he cant find a solution.....

There's going to be hell toupee

Elon Musk has been making bad decisions since getting his hairplugs

He needs toupee

An old guy with a horrible toupee stopped me in the parking lot to tell me this random joke...made me crack up.

How do you get down from an elephant??


YOU DON'T! You get down from a goose!!

Why are all the dead sinners bald?

Because they have hell toupee.

Why is Satan's barber always nervous?

Because last time he messed up there was hell toupee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a thong and Donald Trump's toupee have in common?

They both barely cover an asshole.

Bald Dating is a dating app for bald people that's completely free...

You don't have toupee.

I opened an awful men’s wig shop.

It’s called hell toupee.

If Donald Trump becomes president, and Boris Johnson becomes UK's PM...

It'll be like toupees in a pod.

I thought my friend spent all his savings on an expensive wig.

But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee..

A man with dwarfism walked out of the wig store after haggling for a good deal.

It was a small price toupee'.

Why don't demons steal hairpieces?

Because if they did, there'd be Hell toupee.

Did you hear about the man who accused the devil of going bald?

Fair to say, there was hell toupee

You may laugh but this cheap hairpiece from Walmart has really helped my self-confidence.

It was a small price toupee.

A man tries to smuggle cocaine under his wig.

While he is walking through the airport, he trips and the wig falls of. He puts it back one quickly, but a guard notices the drugs and arrests him.

When he gets home that night, his wife asks him, "anything interesting happen today love"?. He says yeah we caught a cocaine bigwig today. He wa...

Why did Donald Trump bring his wig to the cash register?

Toupee.

Credit: my wife made this up while we were in bed falling asleep last night.

A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”

Hair Club Salesman: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”

Bald Man: “How about faux dollars faux hair?”


Sorry guys, I’ll show myself outta hair.

If someone stole your favorite hair piece.

What is the price you are willing toupee to get it back?

Breaking News: Thieves break into Wig Factory; Steal 500 pounds of hair.

When questioned by the press, the owner said, "When these guys are caught, there's gonna be hell toupee!"

What did the demon say to the wig...

... who traded his soul to become real hair?

There will be hell, toupee.

(Made this up a while ago. Terrible joke and I'm almost sure it's been made before, but I felt obligated to share it.)

My wife bought me a ridiculously expensive wig which covered me from head to toe! Wtf, I mean... I had to return it...

... simply far too much toupee.

A bus load of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.

The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus ... Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had ...

Bills to pay

Frank and Gary are getting off work on Friday evening, and Gary says, "Hey Frank, I'm going drinking with a buddy. You should join us!'

Frank hesitates a moment, and says, "don't think I should. I've got bills to pay."

Next Friday rolls around and Gary says to Frank, "Hey Frank, you sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised.

While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear,
"Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he...

Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...

Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.

In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his bud...

Guys, can we please stop making jokes about Donald Trump?

Otherwise, we'll all have hell toupee.

Trump: Foreign Policy?, if you mess with the United States

There will be hell toupee.

Did you hear that Donald Trump's new hair will cause riots due to its connection to satanic rituals?

If he confirms the change, they'll be hell toupee.

I'll show myself out.

After being fired Donald Trump went to collect his last paycheck from NBC

but HR wasn't sure who toupee

I'm really worried what will happen if Donald Trump runs as a third party candidate.

I'm afraid there will be hell toupee.

A senior citizen’s group charters a bus from Brooklyn to Atlantic City

As they entered New Jersey, an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says “I’ve just been molested!

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that ...

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