What’s heavier, 1 lb of rocks, or 1 lb of feathers?

The feathers, because you’re carrying the weight of what you did to those birds.

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Why does a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack.

Birds of no Feathers....

A man from Los Angeles took a job in San Francisco, leaving his 70 yr old, widowed mother of 6 mos to fend for herself. As her birthday was approaching, he went around asking his co-workers for ideas to get his mom a bday gift.

None of their ideas appealed to him, until someone suggested a p...

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My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack.

Which is heavier, 200 lbs of feathers, or 200 lbs of bricks?

The feathers, because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds

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What do you call a big rooster with black feathers?

Dave.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get a closer look at Dave, the big black cock I just mentioned.

I created a poll to see if people preferred pillows stuffed with bird feathers or pillows stuffed with synthetic material.

Synthetic material didn't win. Too many down votes.

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A Rooster With No Feathers on His Rump Walks into a Bar.....

Bartender: Can I help you?

Bird: I understand you have cocktails

You ever notice all the feathers left after a game of chess?

It's like only Toucan play at a time.

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My ex and her parrot.

My ex had a talking parrot. This large kind with curved beak and multicolored feathers.

That disgusting creature talked all day and night never shutting its mouth!

And the parrot had to listen to all that crap.

What weighs more: A pound of feathers, or a pound of dogs?

The dogs. A pound can house many of them and even a pomeranian weighs at least a few pounds.

What weighs more a tonne of bricks or a tonne of feathers

A tonne of feathers of course, ... Because you have to live with what you did to those chickens

Which weighs more - a tonne of steel or a tonne of feathers?

A tonne of feathers, because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

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A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

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There is a global interest in survival and the ability to thrive after an apocalypse or major crisis.

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

Saw a 19 year old lad outside the YMCA. He was stroking some Goose feathers. I said...

Young man. You don’t have to feel down...

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Ralf

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber...

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,"You died in your sleep Ralph."

Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back! Ple...

The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

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A man walks into a pet shop

He asks the employee: "Show me a pet like nobody else has!". The employee thinks for am moment and goes: "Well, I do have this parrot." "Forget it,", says the man, "anyone can have parrot." "But not this one, this one is special!". The man takes a look at the parrot, sitting in his cage and the parr...

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Things that have hair.

A teacher asks the kids at class:

"I want you to name things that have hair on it"

"A cat!", the first kid says.

"That's correct", teacher replies. "A cat has hair on it. Can anyone tell something else that has hair?"

"An owl!", says another kid.

The teacher said:...

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

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Why do ducks have feathers?

So they don’t show their butt-quack

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what do you call a sex doll stuffed with duck feathers?

down to fuck

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After a night of drinking, Brian crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.



When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"



The mysterious Man answered "This isn...

Why do ducks ruffle their feathers?

To make sure there covering their quack.

What is black, white, and gray, has feathers, and weighs almost four and a half pounds?

Two-kilo mockingbird.

What's heavier? 200kg bricks or 200kg feathers?

The feathers of course.

200kg bricks it's just some measure of bricks. But, if you want to lift 200kg feathers you need also handle what you've done to all these poor birds.

When you’re feeling down

just remember it’s only feathers

A bird watcher walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"I've always wondered, what's the difference between a crow and a raven?" the bartender asks. "Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3," the bird watcher replies."So if you think about it, it's just a...

I tried to build a new up staircase to the second floor out of duck feathers.

But they ended up down stairs.

I caught my wife crying and eating feathers, so I asked her if she was depressed... she replied ..

'Just a little down in the mouth'.

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Can birds fly without feathers?

And who was the heartless bastard who tested this out?

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I can't stop shitting out feathers.

I think I've got Irritable owl syndrome.

Ruffled feathers ahead.

What do you call a woman that is never late, can actually drive a car and doesn't need help killing spiders? Bruce Jenner.

There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him because he was dressed in really colorful clothing.

He had all this colorful make-up on and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at,eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?" "Well, yeah," the o...

What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers?

The feathers.

The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 "regular" ounces.

The more you know...

A man walks into a bar to find its full of black feathers.

Its a crowbar.

An Englishman and a Laotian go on a business trip together

The Englishman stops by the hotel room of his co-worker and mentions "The pillows here at the hotel are terrible. They are too big and fluffy and my neck really hurts this morning."

The Laotian says "I noticed, so I made my own pillow by getting feathers from the birds on the roof. Here try...

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The history of the middle finger

I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory ov...

Did you hear about the bird that lost all of its feathers in a volcano?

It was moltin'.

A buddy of mine is working on a program to fit large birds with new clothes, but he only gives them to birds with black feathers.

I said "Wow, that's some ostracizing ostrich-sizing!"

What did the bag of chips say to the angry pigeons?

I don't want to ruffle any feathers

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Barnyard antijokes, written by an AI

Q:
What's the difference between a horse and a duck?

A:
A horse has legs but a duck has feathers.

Q:
Why do elephants play hide-and-seek?

A: They don’t have to worry about winning.

Q:
How much is a cow worth?

Answer:
100 Pounds.

Q: ...

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