UPJOKE
auctioneersalesellunderbidbidofferbidderbuyerebayvendueauction offauction saleauction bridgebuytrade

Auctions Jokes

I got addicted to auctions after only going once.

Going twice...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Auctions

Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "Those they gave away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off vaginas. The ...

My wife says I’m addicted to auctions, but she’s wrong...

I stopped after going once…going twice…

I get too excited at "Toy Story" auctions

I always leave with a woody

I always make sure to get totally stoned before going to auctions, so even if I don’t snag anything...

...I’m always the highest bidder...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We really shouldn't be surprised that NASCAR banned the Confederate flag and is participating in charity auctions for pride month

They've been going left for years

I've had enough of my girlfriend's obsession with auctions.

So I bid her farewell.

I recently won the hand of the daughter of the local butcher.

I stil can't believe some of these cannibal auctions on the Dark Web.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy living in Kansas hears a voice in his head one day...

And this god like voice in his head says "LEAVE YOUR FAMILY, SELL EVERYTHING YOU OWN AND GO TO RENO, NEVADA"

The guy ignores it at first, and for as long as he can, but it just won't stop "SELL EVERYTHING, TAKE EVERY PENNY YOU HAVE, GO TO RENO"

So finally he can't take it anymore and h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a finance professional is traveling to Goldman Sachs to be interviewed for an internship, and he has lost his way...

He asks a man in passing, "Hey, do you know the way to Goldman Sachs from here?" The man nods and says, "Yes, just take the next left, travel one block, and it will be on your right." The first man thanks him and is on his way.

Sure enough, he comes to a magnificent building coated in gold p...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.