I just wanted to share some exciting news! Today I was the unexpected high bidder in an auction for the worlds best sounding pigeon...

It is quite a coup!

A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder...

It was poultry in auction

What do your Souls and Kidneys have in Common?

If you are strapped for cash, You always have the option of selling them to the highest bidder.

I always make sure to get totally stoned before going to auctions, so even if I don’t snag anything...

...I’m always the highest bidder...

what do you called a epileptic at a auction

the highest bidder!





(i can say this seeing i have it)

I prefer my wine like I do my women

Locked in a cellar for 20 years and sold for the highest bidder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife had a dream she was at a Dick auction.

She told her husband about, "The big ones were going for $100 and the small ones were $1."

"How much did mine go for?" He askes. "There were no bidders." She replied.

The next morning the husband tells his wife "I had a crazy dream I was at a pussy auction, the tight ones were going f...

I always save my eBay shopping for after I come back from 4/20

That way I'm always the highest bidder

Sean Bean is walking down the street

Heard you guys like long OC.

 

Sean Bean is walking down the street, enjoying his Sunday night. Suddenly, a black paneled van pulls up next to him. Four massive dudes in ski masks wearing all black leap out and try to grab him. Sean remembers his GoT training and manages to ta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the parents that auctioned off the right to name their firstborn child?

They were expecting after trying to get pregnant for a long time. But when they tried to discuss what they should name the child, it was causing all kinds of arguments. They just couldn’t come to an agreement and there was a lot of tension between them. It got to the point where the wife was staying...

Graft 101.

A Mayor in a small town is trying to secure bids to repair the town's Main Street Bridge. He finds three contractors - one from Cincinnati, one from New York, and one from Washington, D.C. - and invites them all to town to bid on the job.

The Cincinnati man arrives first, inspects the job si...

I snorted coke and meth, smoked four blunts, and injected heroin today...

...and this guy at the auction house is STILL saying im not the highest bidder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to sell my old dogging stuff on eBay this week, without success.

No bidders but I did have 12 watchers.

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