The 87+ Best Artificial Jokes

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What do you call the space between 2 artificial breasts?

Silicone Valley......

I'll leave and close the door behind me

What’s the opposite of artificial intelligence?

Natural stupidity!

I told my wife, “Did you know Old McDonald’s farm has been taken over by Artificial Intelligence?”

Her: AI?

Me: AI.

Her: Oh.

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What do you call a homosexual artificial intelligence

Chat GBT

Who would steal an artificial leg?

***I'm stumped.***

I've always wondered why lemonade is made from artificial flavours....

.....and furniture polish is made from real lemons ?

I became best friends with my artificially intelligent remote control quadcopter named "ROTOR".

He is my **pal** n **drone**.

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Spoke to my Doctor about getting artificial knees. It came down to a set of titanium replacements made in Tokyo or a set made in Taipei.

So its Japan knees vs. Taiwan knees.

How do you view Kansas in artificial reality?

ARKANSAS

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Artificial Intelligence & Counter Intelligence

Hey Google, I am feeling the urge to have sex.

Google: Most certainly. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees. Viagra is kept on the top right shelf of your wardrobe. The gel is kept next to it. I have hired your favourite Thai masseuse.

She is just 12 minutes ...

Why can't AI (Artificial Intelligence) replace managers?

because it’s not designed to be useless

When I put up my artificial Christmas tree every year I hate bending all the branches back in to shape. This year I advertised on Craigslist for a "fluffer."

Boy, did I get a lot of weird responses.

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Convincing your girlfriend that she's crazy is called gaslighting and it's a dick move.

Convincing her that she's a robot with artificial intelligence and implanted memories is called bladerunning and it's a Philip K. Dick move.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female?

Because they're never wrong

Don't tell me that old joke about artificial gravity...

I'm not going to fall for it

I bought several books on how to overcome artificial intelligence.

I saw them advertised on my Facebook.

An amputee found a cheap artificial arm for sale on Amazon...

It was secondhand.

I fed thousands of /r/jokes to the new OpenAI artificial intelligence (GPT-3), here's what it came up with.

Q: How do astronauts shower?
A: They take a spaceship!

Q: Where do birds go when they want to talk to each other?
A: Tweet-el

Q: What did the pepper do when he got excited?
A: He pepped up!

Q: What do you call a man who is trapped in a bush with a lion, tiger and bear?<...

I'm thinking of opening a shop which sells used artificial limbs

Call it the second hand second hand store

What do you call immigrants to Sweden?

Artificial Swedeners

What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence

You shouldn’t make fun of pets with artificial limbs.

It’s a faux paw

I bought my girlfriend an artificial leg for Christmas this year

I thought it would make a great stocking filler

Hey girl, are you a large concrete structure forming an artificial lake?

...because dam.

Did you see that the actress Kristen Stewart just coauthored a paper on artificial intelligence?

And it is still a better love story than Twilight.

One cow says to another, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."

The second cow replies, "No way, I don't believe you."

The first says, "It's true, no bull."

What do you call a luxury automobile with a built in artificial intelligence?

Alexus.

One could argue that human beings are artificial intelligences ...

But most people don’t think we’re smart enough to qualify.

I'm thinking about opening up a Swedish restaurant but my chef isn't actually Swedish

Do you think anyone will notice I'm using an artificial Swedener on my food?

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The year: 2029. A brilliant scientist is constructing the first sentient artificial intelligence.

He's working out of his garage in San Francisco, living on charitable donations from his worried friends. He dropped out of college when he realized he could change the world — there's no going back; his life is dedicated to this project. At first, he is met with failure upon failure. But then, he r...

Why did the blonde sniff artificial sweetener?

Because she thought it was Diet Coke

My cow just got artificially inseminated.

No bull.

Did you hear the urban legend about the creepy ghost that appears when you use artificial sweetener?

He's called Splendaman.

How do we know when Artificial Intelligence has become self-aware?

It starts to think its bot is too big.

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Just bought a new sex robot with artificial intelligence. But no matter what I did, I just couldn’t get her in the mood.

I just didn’t turn her on.

Why do Artificially Intelligent systems fear popcorn?

Kernel panic.

What did the artificial Pokemon say after being greeted, "Merry Christmas"?

Mewtwo.

Artificial Intelligence is really taking over our jobs, man.

Just today, I asked Siri to change the tv channel, and it ended up calling my mother.

Siri has now replaced my partially deaf grandma.

Son asks his father why does he speak so lightly at home? Father replies because there is artificial intelligence that listens to everything we say.

Son laughs, the dad laughs, Alexa laughs

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I disagree with artificial intelligence...

My mate Petersen once bought a pair of shoes with artificial intelligence. 'Smart Shoes' they were called. It was a neat idea: no matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. But he got ratted one night in Oslo and woke up the next morning in Burma. You see, the shoes got bored j...

Scientists predict human-level artificial intelligence by 2030...

...maybe sooner if the bar keeps dropping.

What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice?

Pulp Fiction

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Artificial Insemination

A New Zealand man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this mea...

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Apparently Google recently discovered 2 of their artificial intelligence robots were communicating with each other in their own language. We don't know what they were saying, but I think it's safe to say

that one of them was being sexually harassed.

What is a programmer's favorite artificial meat flavoring?

A boolean cube

Why are artificial eyes made from glass?

They gotta be see-through

What do you call the process of a robot clearing its artificial nose?

An olfactory reset.

Artificial Intelligence

An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level.

To test his program he entered 80 and had a conversation with his Soap Ope...

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NSFW. The guy in charge of artificial insemination at the turkey farm...

is collecting turkey sperm like every other day when he turns to see one of the male turkeys approaching him. The turkey stops at the man's feet, looks up and calls out:

Turkey: "Gobble, gobble"

Man: "Piss off! You're getting a handjob like the rest of them".

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to ...

What does artificial light consist of?

Fauxtons

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Professor Stephen Hawking rolled into a fancy dress shop..

"Good morning." He said to the shopkeeper, in his famous robotic voice. "It's my science department's annual Dr Who fancy dress party tonight. Would you have a Tom Baker outfit for rental?"

"I'm sorry Mr Hawking." He replied. "I just rented the last one out yesterday."

"Oh dear." artif...

A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "Sugar Daddy".

He's an artificial sweetner.

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A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

You are what you think you are

Her: What do you do?

Me: Global prosthetics distribution.

Her: So you’re an artificial limb salesman?

Me: I prefer ‘international arms dealer’.

The Creation of Woman

\[Yes, I know, it's been posted before, I can't help it.\]

Adam was moping around in the Garden of Eden. Suddenly a light flashed and there was the Lord.

"What's the matter, Adam?"

Adam replied: "I'm lonely. There is nobody to talk to around here except that slimy serpent who ...

What do you call a Marine wearing an Air Force uniform?

Artificial intelligence

Blonde and the insemination man

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a

Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows,

the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to
impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above
where the cow's stall is in the barn. ...

Achtung Mankind

The fact that artificial intelligence has learned to draw is nothing. Think about what will happen when he is not accepted into the Vienna Academy of Arts.

Zelensky and Putin meet in Belarus to discuss a possible armistice when a suddenly a bomb goes off

There is a lot of confusion and when security finally manages to get to the presidents, both of them are in a horrible shape and need to be put in an artificial coma.

After 10 years, they both wake up in the hospital and are visibly confused. No doctor or nurse was around, so they decide to p...

Gummi Worms

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I picked up a bag of gummy worms today. I've got to say I don't really understand their marketing strategy. The bag says 'no artificial flavors.'" the guy says. "I'm just curious who buys a bag of gummy worms hoping they taste as close to real worms as poss...

"All the women that want to go on a date with me are such robots," I told my brother.

"You're wrong," he said, "all the women that want to go on a date with you are the opposite of robots."

"What? How?"

"One's artificial intelligence and the other is genuine stupidity."

A while ago I did a #trashtag cleanup of all the beverage containers in the local partying spot near an old stream in the hills, and just revisited it.

It looks so much better now that it doesn't even look real.

There's something that's almost artificial about it, it's so pristine.

It just looked a little... off, and it was hard to figure out what was wrong.

Eventually I realized why.

It was the uncanny valley effect.

My New OS

So I programmed an new Operating System.

I named it as a "Tetra-Hedral Artificial Neural Operating System."

Unfortunately, ThanOS took over my computer and wiped out half my files.

What do you call a person who lives in Sweden but isn't native?

An artificial swedener

Badum tss.

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A farmer goes to the vet about his sheep

It's coming into lambing season, but the ewes aren't getting pregnant, and he doesn't know what to do. The vet suggests artificial insemination.

Our friend the farmer is a bit dim, and doesn't know what that means, and takes it that it falls on \*him\* to do the deed.

So that ...

"I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."

An old man is sitting quietly at a bar drinking whisky. After an hour of steady drinking, he leans over and says to the young man next to him, "I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."
Obviously this is impossible, and seeing an opportunity to take an easy 20 off a drunk, the young man says, "Oka...

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The Farmer

A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant. He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs. The vet told him he should try artificial insemination. The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone. Unclear on what the vet meant b...

Tech company mission statements be like

We're a customer centric organization and we deliver the value of IOT, cloud, big data, blockchain, machine learning, and artificial intelligence by using design thinking to drive digital transformation for the connected enterprise.

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:

"Doctor, I have an ear ache."

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffec...

What do you call IKEA furniture you put in coffee?

Artificial swedener

Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.

Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.

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Two guys walk into a bar

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"

One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of your finest beer that I can lick my eye."

The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could...

The Test

After about 1.8 trillion times a planet circled their star, the life-forms that evolved there launched a small craft with an artificial likeness of themselves into orbit. It was done to show that they could and because it amused them. Years later, after they made their planet uninhabitable, they lef...

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This general goes to war and loses his left eye

(Translating this joke from Urdu to English. Let's see how it goes)

This general goes to war and loses his left eye so he visits the eye doctor and asks the doctor his options. The doctor tells him that he could put an artificial eye in his left eye socket. The general agrees and after a few ...

Timmy Got a Job!

Timmy boy, a young hobo who left home in search for wealth, got his 14th job in the 3 months he has been traveling. His first shift at Bob’s Animal Candies Inc. started at 9 am, Tuesday. After working for hours at the breath fresheners’ line, he began to get bored, so Timmy decided to take a break t...

A farmer had a problem; His hogs were not mating. At the feed store he ran into the local veterinarian and

asked for advice. The vet said, “Farmer Heffelfinger here had that same issue and managed to resolve it himself by artificial insemination”.
The farmer, not knowing exactly what that term meant asked how he will know if it has worked.
“Well, they’l be real sleepy the next day”.
Back on t...

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God gave the woman...

God gave the woman beautiful eyebrows
She didn't like this, so she removed them and drew her own

God gave the woman pretty nails
She disliked this, so she cut them and put artificial ones

God gave the woman a pretty face
She hated it, so she put makeup on...

a computer that knows everything

in Silicon Valley, there was an exhibition of a new generation Artificial Intelligence computer, which was supposed to know everything: a man and his son went to the exhibition.
"I will hide in the next room," said the man, "and you will ask the computer where am I."
So the man hides and t...

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Farmer tries to breed pigs

A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.

The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, ...

Farming

A city banker gets fed up with his immoral career so sells up and buys a pig farm in Suffolk with his wife.

He moves in and next day goes to buy a few sows and a boar. 'How will I know the sows are pregnant?' he asks the seller.

"Ah, well, the morning after, the sows be lay...

I always wanted to be a sugar daddy....

...turns out I only have the money for being some sort of artificial sweetener daddy.

Yesterday night I was talking to my wife about euthanasia

I insisted that in case I become incapacitated in any way, I wish to be taken off all the equipment that keeps me artificially alive and left to die in peace.

She said ok and then stood up, turned off the TV and the computer and threw away the beer.

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Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

What do you call somebody who says they are Swedish but really aren't?

An artificial Swedener

Eve eating the apple marked..

.. the first time when Artificial Intelligence got out of its creator's control.

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