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Unrealistic Jokes

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Porn is so unrealistic

Just took a shower with my girlfriend.....

And stood in the corner freezing for 20 minutes handing her different shampoos.

Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

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I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex... for example,

having it with another person

Lol plague inc easy mode is so unrealistic

Like who wouldn’t wash their hands and wear a mask during a global pandemic.

The one thing I hate about superhero movies is how unrealistic they are,

Like what are the chances that a billionaire would do anything to help ordinary people?

What is the most unrealistic part of the newest James Bond movie?

A Brit with a full petrol tank.

Monopoly is so unrealistic

Rich people are getting taxed

You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler)

A democratic senator from Kentucky.

I just read harry potter for the first time and i think its a little unrealistic

I mean a ginger with 2 friends??

Spongebob was the most unrealistic kid's show

A teenager in a minimum wage job owning a house and car. Pfft

What's the most unrealistic part of the new James bond movie?

A Brit with a full tank of petrol.

Unbelievable!!

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is quite unrealistic but at least they got one thing right

The moment Charlie found that ticket all the scalpers started coming out.

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Unrealistic Porn

Something that I find really unrealistic about teacher porn is when the female teacher has fake breasts, there's no way in the world that a teacher's salary can pay for that.

I think Model Trains cast an unrealistic beauty standard on actual trains...

But model trains never eat and real trains are always CHEW CHEW CHEW-ing

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My wife thinks porn is unrealistic

She said the pizza guys don’t come that fast

Fullmetal Alchemist is so unrealistic

I mean how can they draw such perfect circles?

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Porn gives unrealistic expectations.

The plumber took his usual £60 per hour, even though I sucked his cock.

Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women...

For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.

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New research shows porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea...

Of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.

Battleship is a completely unrealistic movie...

Everyone knows that Rihanna doesn't fight back.

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So we were watching porn and my girlfriend said it's so unrealistic.

"So you think no frustrated wife ever made an advance at her plumber?" I asked.

"Not that." She replied "The ones who repair ours have tiny cocks".

"Wait...what ?"

The Jetsons gave me unrealistic expectations for the future as a child

Like having a wife who loves me and owning a dog

(not mine) I hate the Harry Potter franchise, it's too unrealistic.

I mean I'm not saying magic is impossible, everyone on my estate fights with sticks, there may even be the odd unicorn about, but who, has ever seen a ginger kid with two mates ?

My blind friend is being unrealistic again

So I told him, " don't lose sight of what's really important. "

"Fifty Shades of Grey" gives its readers unrealistic expectations.

It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.

I watched a Liam Neeson action movie that had the unrealistic parts deleted.

It was Taken seriously.

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Watching too much porn gave me unrealistic expectations of sex

I really thought it would happen

The Fallout games are the most unrealistic games I've ever played.

I mean, how is there no Skyrim remastered for the Pip-Boy?

5/7 unplayable.

I hate Sharknado, it is SO unrealistic.

Rain? In California? Did they even pretend to research for this movie?

I had an unrealistic dream about having several thousand dollars last night

Turns out it was two grand.

I just watched "the Martian" - What an unrealistic movie...

...Sean Bean survives.

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What do fairy tales, Disney movies and porn have in common?

Unrealistic stepmother depictions

You know when things are getting bad when people only want their kids to live a long and healthy life they will enjoy...

And you have to wonder how their children are going to handle the pressure of those unrealistic expectations?

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One day the pope wakes up with an erection

Damnit, must have been a side effect from the Holy Viagra. It won't go away, but he has a parade to go to that morning! So he steps onto his Holy Balcony, slips out of his Holy Pyjamas, and does what most people do when they have an erection they want to get rid of.

That's masturbate, by the ...

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A jew called Bernie ran the biggest ponzi schema ever , he took millions from gullible low information people promising them unrealistic returns .

I was talking about Bernie Madoff not Bernie Sanders you a**holes

Donate 27 $ and we can still win the Presidency !!!

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Started my job at the dildo factory today, and I can now tell you all, women want one thing.

And it’s unrealistic.

A man and a genie

A man is walking on a sandy beach in Southern California, and what appears to be a very old bottle washes up on the shores.

The genie expressed gratitude for the man freeing him from the bottle.

The genie says "I am in your debt, but I can only grant you one wish."

The man says ...

TIFU - I made a bad decision and now I can't get my laptop fixed.

FYI This is a story from last year, not today.

So I had a laptop that was playing up. The screen kept going all janky. One day there was a popping noise and a smell of burning plastic, so I thought that was enough and I contacted the service department.

I found out they had an office...

Two guys are stuck in prison.

Desperate to get back out and perhaps lead semi-regular lives, the two cellmates try to brainstorm for an escape plan. A mere hour and a half later, one of the men comes up with a plan: steal some children's craft scissors, smuggle them back to the cell, cut through the floor, and cut out a tunnel b...

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