What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?

***A faux pa.***

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad

I’m a faux pa.

What do you call a faux pas at a fondue party?

A fondon't

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Prime Minister's Wife Makes a Faux Pas

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: "Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and ...

Did you hear about the super model with IBS that committed a fashion faux pas?

Got runs in her stockings.

What do you call vegan foie gras?

faux gras

Did you hear the judge’s recent linguistic faux pas, when they were addressing a recently convicted defendant?

“I Order you to serve 2 years incarcerated, 2 years active probation, 1 year of passive probation, 400 hours of community service, evidence of completion of an education service approved by the court, submit to a mental health evaluation...,” etc., etc..

Yeah, it was a run-on sentence.

I made fake Vietnamese soup.

It was faux pho.

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A jet took off for the long flight from Sydney to Perth...

As it got to cruising height the pilot finished his spiel but forgot to turn the microphone off. He turned to his co-pilot and said: "You hold the plane while I take a massive dump, and then I'm going to screw that hostess".


Hearing this the hostess ran to the cockpit in order to tell t...

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Told to me by an immigrant friend who was a Drill Sargent in the Russian army in the '80s

A Sargent and a Private are walking across a Soviet army base when they approach a General coming the other way. The enlisted men salute and the Sargent calls out:

"Sir, your top shirt button is unbuttoned!" (A serious faux pas, according to my friend).

The General is in no mood for it...

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Two guys chatting at the bar....

One says, "I committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning. Went to the travel agency to buy some plane tickets. The young girl had the most spectacular breasts and I accidentally asked for two plane-titties" His mate replies, "Oh yes. I did the exact same thing this morning. Went to ask my w...

How does a socially inept cat walk away from conversation?

On his faux pas

Pierre never liked it when I called him my step dad...

So I now refer to him as my Faux Pas.

I mistook another man for my dad and hugged him

...what a faux pa.

You shouldn’t make fun of pets with artificial limbs.

It’s a faux paw

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One ticket to Boobston

The year is 1993 a young upstart business executive has to take a quick trip to Boston for a board meeting.

Running late he didn't have time to have his administrative assistant call ahead and book his flight, so he decided just to do it himself once he got to the airport.

After being ...

Why is it a bad idea to make an enemy of your father?

Because it is such a ~~faux pas~~ foe pa!

Why can't mothers tell dad jokes?

It would be a faux-pa.

Dad jokes from my coworker that he won’t stop saying all day long...

I really hate when non dads say dad jokes. It’s such a faux-pa

We had a storm the other night and 25% of my roof flew away. Oof.

You know lance just isn’t as common of a name as it used to be. You know when it was? The Middle Ages. Guys were named lance a lot.

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Dave gets shipwrecked and stranded on a small tropical island...

... he sets out to explore his new surroundings, and finds another survivor. It's Taylor Swift. He's a bit star-struck at first, but manages to pull it together enough to help her up off the shore.

He manages to build a hut for shelter, and starts a fire for warmth overnight, and finds edib...

What does a Snoop Dogg imposter say?

Faux shizzle my nizzle

What do you call an imitation Limo driver?

A Faux-ffeur.

It’s inappropriate to make dad jokes if you’re not a father....

It’s a faux-pa

What do you call it when Snoop Dogg pretends it's raining?

Faux drizzle

My wife asked me if I knew how to spot a fake beach

Faux shore

Why don't furries shake hands?

It's a faux paw.

A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”

Hair Club Salesman: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”

Bald Man: “How about faux dollars faux hair?”


Sorry guys, I’ll show myself outta hair.

What do you call a fake Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFaux

I must admit, my arch-nemesis did a good job impersonating me...

...Indeed, he was a worthy faux.

An animal prosthetics expert walks into a bar

"What's wrong buddy?" The bartender asked. "You seem down."

"Two whiskies, please. I made a lot of Faux Paws at work today."

What do you call a dog's prosthetic limb?

A faux paw.

[OC] Why do rappers wear so much fake gold?

Faux show.

OC! A 3-legged dog walks into a bar; he’s wearing a prosthetic.

The bartender is obviously checking out his prosthesis.

“Oh that,” says the dog, “excuse the faux paw.”

That old woman in a fake fur coat who had ink thrown on her really had it coming!

Does she even know how many innocent fauxes have been murdered to make that coat?

In retrospect, I'm embarrassed that I had a prosthetic leg made for my three-legged dog.

Faux paw.

There's this friend of mine who's really fake...

I can't tell if he's friend or faux.

A dinner guest made a joke about my cats prosthetic foot.

Major faux paw.

My friend and I make dad jokes when we get together, but neither of us are dads.

We're just social faux pas.

How many cows does it take to make a pleather bag?

About faux cows.

A foot model was on his way to a competition whilst walking through a forest...

...He passed by a lumberjack who accidentally let go of his axe and ended up dismembering one of the model's precious digits.

Thinking quickly the lumberjack bandaged up the model's foot with some nearby foliage and helped the model limp to his event.

When they got there the on site do...

My dog is an amputee and his fake leg fell off while we were showing it to our friends.

It was quite the faux paw.

Once there was a man named Zade Zazinski...

Once there was a man named Zade Zazinski. Zade was always last for everything due to his name. Everything always seemed to run out before Zade received his portion. Schoolbooks, supplies, food rations. Disappointed, Zade joined the military out of high school thinking that he would be treated eq...

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A couple Americans walk into a bar in Ireland...

They're being loud and rowdy, real frat-boy types, and they're starting to get on everyone's nerves. After a while they go up to the bar and yell for the bartender.

"Hey bartender, gimme an Irish Car Bomb!" one says.

Now, you can probably guess it's a bit of a faux pas to order this mi...

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A guy walks into a diner and orders a cup of coffee...

When the waitress sets the cup down in front of him, he notices that she's holding the cup in such a way that her thumb is literally *in* the liquid. Disgusted, but not wanting to cause a scene, he politely asks for a different cup and doesn't point out her faux pas. The waitress looks at him curiou...

What do you call a white guy trying to rap?

A faux shizzle my nizzle.

What Did the Giant Say to His Enemy When He Served Him Ramen at a Vietnamese Restaurant?

Fee Fi Fo Fum, Faux Pho For Foe

What do you call a picture of a prosthetic big toe?

A faux toe photo.

I had to get knee surgery the other day...

now my knee is a faux-knee

What's another name for a prosthetic patella?

Faux-knee

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