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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

4 catholic priests are sharing a private compartment on a train

They decided to confess their biggest flaw to each other.

The first priest confesses that he spends most of the church money on booze.

The second priest explains that he blows the church collection betting on horses.

The third priest confesses that he spends the church takings o...

Two guys were on a golf course playing a couple rounds when one turns to the other and says "Hey man, do you have a lighter?" the other guy opens up a compartment on his golf bag and says "Yeah, here you go." and hands the first guy this giant lighter.

The first guy says "Man that's a huge lighter, where'd you get this?" the other guy says "Oh, well, there's this genie lamp I found, rubbed it, genie came out, and said he'd grant me one wish." The first guy says "Wow, that's crazy, do you still have the lamp?" The other guy opens up another compart...

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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train compartment, drinking and being loud together. At the next stop an elderly priest and a beautiful woman get on and sit across from the three.

As the train gets under way, the priest looks at the three with distain and says, "Have ya any decency between ya? You three look like a right pair of fools, but I'll give 50 quid to any of you that can name the three main characters of the Bible." The Englishman pipes up and says, "The three Kings?...

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Four people are in a train compartment in France

There's an attractive young woman, a plain older woman, a French man and an English man.

The train goes into a tunnel and the lights flicker out. In the dark, there’s a loud *slap!* and when the lights come back on, the French man is rubbing his cheek.

The plain woman thinks, "That ...

A group of ants are beating up an elephant

One of them climbs a tree and shouts:
- Brothers, disperse! I'm going to break his spine now!
The elephant heard this, but did not give any importance to it, because he considered his back strong enough to withstand the blow of a small ant. However, he forgot that this was happening in the...

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My wife is deathly afraid of snakes so I got her last year by placing a rubber Copperhead in her glove compartment.

She nearly shit herself! Sadly, she finally got me back today and I must admit it was pretty crafty.

She knows that every morning I have a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast so last night before she went to sleep she fucked my brother and emptied my bank account.

Train ride

A man and a woman share sleeping compartment on a train ride.

The woman flirts with the man, and after a while, says she’s cold and asks if he could please give her a blanket, as he’s in the lower bunk.

The man smiles at her and asks: “Hey, how about if we play we are a married coupl...

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A jew and a goy are seated together in a train compartment. No one else joins them and as the train gets underway, the goy decides to engage the jew in a conversation.

The goy asks the jew all sorts of questions about his religion. The jew patiently answers them all.
Eventually they take out their pack lunches and continue the conversation. The goy asks:

« Why is it you people are so smart? »

The jew thinks about it for a while and responds:
...

A nun, a blonde girl, a German and a Dutch sit together in a train compartment.

The train goes through a tunnel, it gets dark. A loud slap can be heard, an outcry follows it. As the darkness fades a big red mark can be seen on the Dutch guys face.

The Dutch thinks to himself "The German guy must have tried to grope the blonde, but she mistook us in the dark and hit me i...

What does a hidden compartment in a drawer have in common with Kim Kardashian?

The false bottom

Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the Hwy coming home.

So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out and reached in the side compartment. I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so life like you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coat...

A man boards a flight from London to LA.

Midway in the flight, there is a bit of a turbulence and then an announcement.


"This is your captain speaking. We have a bit of bad news. During the turbulence we experienced, one of our engines have failed. But there is nothing to worry about, the plane still has three engines function...

A Nigerian joke

Two students are waiting to give their oral aptitude test. The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside

Examiner :- Suppose you are travelling by train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?

Alex:- I will open the window.

Examiner:- Great, now suppose that the area ...

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?”

The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.

'What kind of work do you do?' a woman passenger enquired of the man travelling in her train compartment. 'I'm a Naval surgeon,' he replies.

My word!' spluttered the woman, 'How you doctors specialise these days.'

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a man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train.

though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

at 1 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into...

Wonderfully British…

In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
"The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm ...

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A Frenchman walks into a compartment to see an Englishman, a ravishing blonde and an old Woman

Upon seeing this he says: “Oh not this shit again”

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A girl reaches into the glove compartment of her boyfriends car for a condom...

and finds one missing. They had bought that box together, and it was now open and missing one. Furious, she asked him what the deal was.
"Oh, I masturbated with one on, just to see what it would feel like."
Satisfied with this answer, but still curious, they went on with their business. She wa...

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Three men are on a train

One is Chinese, one is American, and the last one is an Indian businessman. A fly came into their compartment and landed on the Chinese guy. He goes into his pocket, pulls out a pair of chopsticks, grabs the fly and eats it. The American guy is horrified and looks at the Indian, who couldn’t care le...

A girl, her grandma, a guy and his boss share a compartment in a train.

A girl, her grandma, a guy and his boss share a compartment in a train. From the beginning of the journey it's pretty obvious that the girl and guy like each other. Once when the train passes through a tunnel and plunged into darkness a kissing sound and slap is heard. When the train comes out into ...

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A Cop Pulls a Little Old Lady Over for Speeding

Cop pulls over a little old lady and asks for her licence and registration. When she pulls out her wallet, he sees a handgun in her purse.

"Ma'am, is that a gun in your purse?"

"Yes, Officer, it's a .38 Smith & Wesson revolver."

"Please place that purse on the passenge...

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train.

Four strangers travelled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticatead 70 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old—wh...

Two men meet at the gym

Two men meet at the gym to work out, they haven’t been able to since COVID. Afterwards they’re in the locker room changing when one of them looks over and notices his friend putting on women’s underwear. Since when do you wear women’s underwear, he asked? Since my wife found them in the glove compar...

A Voyage to Italy

A young woman from New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomo...

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A man was speeding along the road in a van, doing well over 100, until he was pulled over by a police car. "Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Let me see your license" The man responded "Officer, I don't have a license"

"What?? Where is the paperwork for this van?"
r>"I don't have any paperwork, this is a stolen van. I was making a drug run when you stopped me."

The officer immediately pulled the man out of the van, handcuffed him, and put him in the back of his police car before calling for backup....

The Train Carriage Compartment

So, traveling by train through Europe were a Ukrainian man, a Russian soldier, an old lady, and a beautiful young woman. Naturally, there was some tension, and nobody spoke.

Then the train went into a tunnel, and everything, for a moment, was pitch dark.

There's the sound of a loud ki...

Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man:

"Are you aware of how fast you were going?"
The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."
The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?"
The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery."

The cop looks shocked that...

Here is a war joke for ya all

A passenger train is fully loaded, and a German soldier, on leave, shares a compartment with a decrepit lady, a beautiful young French woman, and a young French man. The train enters a tunnel, and no one can see anything.
A kiss is heard, then a hollow slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel...

A Rabbi and a Priest

A rabbi and a priest are in the same compartment on a train. They exchange pleasantries and are having a conversation about the differences in their religions.

The Priest asks the Rabbi if he has ever tried pork. The Rabbi says that yes, when he was younger he tried pork. Then the Rabbi as...

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An old, gross joke about deer hunting



*This ancient joke pre-dates the Internet. It is from the South and is best told with a southern accent.*

I was deer hunting in the mountains of North Carolina. After about four hours I shot a nice 400lb buck. While I was hauling the dear back to my truck, I was stopped by the game wa...

I see the new Ford Bronco is coming out soon.

I bet the glove compartment is absolutely killer.

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A woman is standing on the edge of the Verrazzano bridge ready to jump

As she's working up the courage to take the last step off, a sailor walks by and sees her. He says, "Ma'am, I can't pretend to know what you're going through but I promise it isn't worth this. Tomorrow my ship leaves for Rome. Why don't I sneak you on and when we get there we can run off and start a...

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A man was stopped by the police for speeding...

A man was stopped by the police for speeding. He told the police, I have a dead body in the trunk. The policeman then proceeds to prepare to take him to the police station when he says, I also have a gram of cocaine in the glove compartment, a bloody knife from a murder under the carpet, and the car...

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My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...



Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?



Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant:

Weight?



Husb...

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A little old lady gets pulled over for speeding...

The officer walks up to the car and after a quick greeting takes the documentation she has ready for him.
He notices a license to conceal carry a pistol and he asks, “Ma’am do you have a firearm in the vehicle?”
She replies, “Well yes sir, I do.” The officer smiles a little as this lady was no...

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A lawyer was driving more than 120 miles per hour when he was stopped by a traffic cop.

"You were beyond the speed allowed. License and registration please." - said the officer.

"Well, it's expired." said the lawyer

"Documents of the vehicle please" - said the officer

"This is not my car."

"Please sir, open the glove compartment."

"I can't, there's a ...

A man is pulled over by police for speeding

Police 1: do you know how fast you are going?

Man: no, but I do know I am escaping a bank heist.

Police 1: Really?

Man: yes, I robbed the bank and the loot is in my car's trunk

Police 1: is that everything?

Man: no sir, I have a dead body in my backseat and a gun i...

A police officers stops a young man going 80 in a 30 kmph Zone

Police Officer: Can I see your drivers license?

Man: I don’t have it. I had to give it away three weeks ago for driving drunk the fifth time in one week.

P: Okay may I see the Vehicle Registration?

M: It isn’t my Car I stole it.

P: The car is stolen?

M: Yes but I t...

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A Russian and a Jew (long joke)

On a train to Moscow, a Jew and a Russian army captain were sharing a compartment, the Russian was little bigot and have stereotype towards Jews, so he asked the Jew, "Hey Jew how come you all are so smart" The Jew was eating herring so he kept quite and didn't reply, so the Russian keep on asking h...

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Legendary Chicago Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray gets pulled over for going about 90 on the way to the ballpark ... (long)

He thinks his reputation will spare him from a ticket, but it's clear the cop is serious when he asks for Caray's license and registration. Harry, probably already three sheets to the wind, replies, "You know officer, I would give you that, but this is a stolen car." The cop is a bit taken aback and...

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A group of guys were playing a round of golf..

After 9 holes they stopped to have a cigar. So one of the guys opens his golf bag and pulls out 2 cigars and a great big lighter.

His friend asks him "Hey, where did you get such a big lighter?"

He responds "From my magic genie, of course!"

Of course his friend doesn't believe...

So will you open the window?

Students go to an Engineering Viva Exam.

The first guy goes into the interview room, and the professor begins the Viva with a question...

Let's say you are traveling by train and its getting hot. What will you do?

Open the window... he answers.

Very good...the professor c...

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Caught speeding

Cop pulls over a man for speeding, says "I clocked you doing 60 in a 25. Wanna tell me why you were speeding?"

Guy says, "Yeah, I was trying to get home real quick so I could shoot up this heroin from my glove compartment. But before that I gotta get rid of the gun in the back seat, and the d...

How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

We found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment

A guy is pulled over by a cop for speeding

The cop approaches the car and the driver rolls down the window.

"Driver's licence and insurance?"

"I don't have a driver's licence and the car was stolen."

Cop slowly backs up a bit and puts his hand on a gun.

"Is there anything else I should know? Any weapons in the ca...

Being seduced by the younger sister

So apparently this guy was engaged to a beautiful woman. He got along well with her family but he could not deny that her younger sister was drop-dead gorgeous and he felt a strong attraction to her. A week before the wedding, he gets a mysterious phone call from the sister asking him to come over...

A train goes under a tunnel. Credits to /u/capilot

A soldier, an officer, a young woman, and a matron are sitting in a train compartment. The train goes into a tunnel, and for a moment all is dark. A kiss is heard, followed by a slap. The light comes back, and the officer is rubbing his face.

The matron thinks "that awful officer kissed the y...

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Two students are taking a physics exam

One of them enters and the professor says:

-Imagine you are riding a train and its really hot inside. What would you do?

-Well,i'd open the window.

-Excellent. Now, the windows surface is 1,5m^2, your compartments volume is 12m^3, train is going west at the speed of 80km/h, the ...

A man found a mustache hidden underneath a water valve in his house...

He messaged his old room mate who had moved out 5 months earlier to see if he knew anything about the mustache as the compartment to reach the valve was in his old room.

The ex room mate replied "You found it!, My secret stache!"

Oldie but a goodie.

There are four people on a small plane heading north over Canada. The pilot, Trump , the pope and a random backpacker.
Suddenly the engine starts emitting black smoke and dies.
As the plane slowly starts to fall the pilot rips open a compartment with three parachutes, takes one and sho...

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A man was pulled over for speeding.

A man was late for an important function and was speeding a good 25 mph over the speed limit when a state trooper pulled him over.

Officer: Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?

Man: I guess so officer, I knew I couldn’t outrun the law forever. The gun is in my glove compartment, a k...

A police officer and a hot blonde

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for spee...

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[NSFW] A business man was robbed in Las Vegas on his way to the airport

After he had checked out of the hotel late at night, 2 muggers have robbed his purse, mo and notebook, leaving him behind with his luggage.

He had hours left to get to the airport, and he was lucky that his ticket was at the side compartment of his luggage. He walked up to the street to the ...

Open and shut case

A cop stopped a speeding car, approached the driver's window and said, "Can I have your license and registration, please?"
The driver said, " I don't have a license. I've never even took driving theory."
The officer asked: " Can I have the car registration?"
"it's not my car, I stole it" an...

A young private and an elderly officer on a train...

A young private and his commanding officer are on a train and they're sharing a compartment with a beautiful young lady and her father. The private and the young lady exchange glances much to the chagrin of her father.

A voice from the hall announces that they are approaching a tunnel. The yo...

Roman Numerals are very interesting... [LONG JOKE]

You turn on the radio one morning to find another one of those Rap songs where every 4th word is a swear. Naturally the Radio bleeps it out, but you realize that it sounds familiar. You realize that the rappers are speaking in Morse code.

Your eyes widen as you swerve over onto the shoulder ...

A blonde was pulled over

When the cop came over to her window he said: license and registration please.
She said: what is a license?
Cop: it’s a card that has your picture on and says that you can drive.
Blonde: ohh that thing, and pulls it out and gives it to him, cop hands it back and then asks: and the registrat...

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A nun, a blonde, a German and a Dutchman...

A nun, a blonde, a German and a Dutchman are sitting in a train compartment. The train goes through a tunnel, it's completely dark,
and suddenly there's a slap. The train comes out of the tunnel and the Dutchman is rubbing his face.
The nun's thinking: "The Dutch guy probably touched the blon...

Three engineers and three lawyers go to a conference

Three engineers and three lawyers go to a conference. They have a fixed budget and may keep everything they do not spend. The lawyers purchase three train tickets, the engineers only one. When asked about this, the engineers just say: "Wait, and see". In the train, when they see the conductor getti...

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A car is speeding on the highway going insanely over the speed limit...

A cop spots the car and proceeds to chase him. Eventually he catches up with him and pulls him over. The cop goes to the driver's window and asks 'License and registration please?' The guy says: 'I don't have any, this is a stolen car.' The cop says: 'Let me see the glove compartment' and the guy sa...

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American marine looks for a seat in a train

In one compartment, he finds a seat near a French elderly woman looking very important. Unfortunately, that seat is occupied by that woman's chihuahua. So he politely asks her if he can sit there.

She very angrily responds: “You Americans are so rude! My Ruby is sitting there!”

He give...

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On a train

A nun, a young woman, a German and a French sit together in a train compartment, each one minding his own business, when suddenly the train enters a large tunnel. Unfortunately the lights are not working and it is pitch dark. While in the dark, a loud slap can be heard and when the train finally lea...

A cop pulls over a woman

The officer comes to the window of the car and asks the woman "Mam, do you have any weapons in the car?"

The woman replies "Well, I have a 12 gauge in the trunk, a smith and wesen in the glove compartment, a colt on my side, and a derenger strapped to my boot."

The officer says "My g...

I read this joke in a book of Jewish humor some years ago.

An elderly Jewish woman was about to board an El Al flight from JFK to Tel Aviv, carrying her little lap dog in a cage, covered by a blanket. The gate agent informed her that there was no way she could carry the dog aboard the plane, but assured her the dog would be perfectly safe in the luggage co...

Schrödinger gets pulled over by a cop...

When the officer walks up to the window and asks Schrödinger for his license and registration, the psychologist seems to be a little off. Not sure if Schrödinger is drunk and/or on drugs, the officer asks him to step out of the car so he can perform a sobriety test. Schrödinger passes with flying co...

Some of the worst case scenarios:

1. A case falling on me from an overhead compartment.
2. Someone stealing my case.
3. Realising I've picked up someone else's case by mistake.
4. Not remembering the combination to the lock on my case.
5. Being required to carry a heavy case for a very long distance.

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I decided to play a joke on my dad

Every morning for the past month, I put an index card that said "You are what you eat" in every compartment in the fridge, cupboards and pantry. He was starting to get really annoyed with all of it.

This morning, as I tucked into my bread slathered with delicious peanut butter at the tabl...

Why do so many redditors claim to be someone they're not when their entire post history is so easily accessible?

As a trans mtf ex-cop who also lost my arm in Afghanistan and whose husband just left me for some woman who is dying of cancer, I find it incredibly insulting. I've been through so much to make where I am right now. (I was abandoned as an infant in Russia in 1962. I grew up on the streets and when I...

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NSFW - sex problem

A guy goes to the doctor and says, “I got this sex problem, doc”.

“Well”, says the quack, “Tell me about your average day”.

“Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 am for a nookie and then again about 5 o’clock so we can spend a couple of ...

A cop pulled over an elderly lady...

He approached the car. "License and registration, please."

The elderly lady handed the officer the requested documents, along with her firearms carry permit. The officer, on seeing the permit, asked the woman if she had any guns with her.

"Why yes. I've got a Smith & Wesson revolve...

THIS is the best way to beat a speeding ticket.

** *Most of you have probably seen this before, but its still a good one!* **

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding...



Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.

Officer: Can I see the r...

A cop pulls over an old lady for speeding...

..."Afternoon ma'am. May I see your license and registration?" The old lady wordlessly hands the officer these items. As the officer reaches for the papers, he takes observation of the old woman.

She wasn't just old, she was very old. Must have been in her mid 90's. The fact that she was spee...

Two middle aged men went to the gym for a workout.

As they undressed beforehand, the first man was stunned to see the second wearing a corset beneath his shirt.

"Since when have you started wearing that?" asked the first man.

The second man replied "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

Sicilian reasoning

One lovely summer an italian couple go on holiday to Sicily with their two kids. They park their car close to the seaside, unload their swimsuits, towels and buckets and happily walk to the beach. As they sit down on the sand, Giorgio (dad) suddenly remembers that he left his sunglasses in the car...

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There is this guy who has this major crush on this girl that works at the bar he hangs out at. He would love to talk to her but every time he sees her he gets the biggest boner.

One day he
noticed her behind the bar and quickly sat on a
bar stool. He felt this was the perfect chance
to talk to her knowing that if he got a boner it
would be hidden under the bar top. They get to
talking and he finally asks her out. She said yes
and the man was ecstatic, h...

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Bill, Hillary, Donald and Melania were sitting together in the train

... when the train went through a tunnel and the compartment reverberated with the noise of a tight SLAP! When the train came out the Donald had a swelling red hand print on his face. Bill thought, "Stupid buffon must have grabbed Hillary's pussy". Donald thought, "Bill must have grabbed Melania's...

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A little old lady gets pulled over.

The cop asks for her licence and registration. He then asks her if she has any illegal drugs or weapons in the car.

She says, "Yes, I have a 9mm in my purse, a .357 in the glove compartment, a sawed off shotgun between the seats and an assault rifle in the trunk."

The cop is surprised...

Moon race

During Cold War when the space race was at its highest. Following is an report of communication between Houston and US moon rocket.

USMR: Houston, we see the SSSR ship approaching the Moon.

Houston: You have your orders. Just wait.

USMR: Houston, the SSSR ship is in the Moon orb...

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Blonde joke

A blonde is speeding down the highway and notices the flashing lights of a police car behind her. She slows down and pulls over to wait for the police officer, who also happens to be a blonde.

The police officer asks her for her driver's license. The driver says:"I'm not sure what that is... ...

Healing Kiss

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting.

The girl looks like she’s having some discomfort so her boyfriend asks her, "What’s wrong honey?"

She replies. "My head hurts."

Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, "Is it bett...

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