Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find John sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your Missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and ...

A family was walking home one day.

Daughter 1: Daddy, why did you name me Rose?

Father: Well, Rose, it’s because that on the way back home from the hospital the day you were born, a rose petal got blown by the wind, and it landed right on your head.

Daughter 2: Dad, why am I named Maple?

Father: You were named M...

There were two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge.

One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because when you were a baby, a petal fell on you." And then Fridge says "bllaaarrarararraraaarg".

A child walks up to their parents and asks

A child walks up to their parents and asks “hey, mom and dad. Why did you name me Petal?”

The parents smile and reply, “When we got you home, a petal from a flower in the garden fell on your forehead”. The child satisfied with the answer walked away.

The younger sibling came up and a...

A father names has 3 daughters named Petal, Flower, and Brick

Petal asks "dad, why was I named Petal?"
He says a petal fell from out of nowhere and landed on her forehead right after she was born so he named her Petal.

Flower asks "so, dad why was I named Flower?"
He says a flower fell from out of nowhere and landed on her forehead as well right a...

A woman is walking home with her three daughters.

A woman is walking home with her three daughters.

Trying to spark conversation the eldest daughter turns to her mother and asks, “Mom, how did I get my name?” So her mom tells her the story of her birth, “Well sweetie, when you were born, as we we taking you back home, a rose fell on your he...

In my past life, I was a warrior for an Indian Tribe, and was madly in love with the chiefs daughter

In this tribe we were named after the first thing our mothers saw when we were born. And His daughter, Lily Petal, was absolutely beautiful, and everyday I sighed knowing there was nothing I could do to ever win her attention. I was just boring old Falling Rock, a nobody warrior.

But one day,...

Got my friend William to petal a bike connected to my TV.

You could say it runs on Will power.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father has three daughters, Petal, Butterfly and Breezeblock...

...one day, Petal skips over to her Dad and asks,"Daddy, why am I called Petal?" He lifts her onto his lap, and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, and as I held you in my arms, a petal floated down gently onto your forehead, so we decided to name you Petal."

Butterfly overhears this...

How does a rose drive?

It uses the petals.

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.

I sprinkled some more over the bed.

I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.

I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly...

"There are Five Cows on a farm"...

One mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a ...

Names can be meaningful

There were 3 little brothers: Flower, Petal and Brick.

The kids were wondering how they got their names so they decided to go ask dad!

Flower: Dad why did you name me Flower?

Dad: You see kid, when you were born, a tiny little flower dropped down on your head!

Petal: Dad ...

A gentleman and his wife are out to dinner with some friends.

In conversation, the man goes to tell his friend about a restaurant he took his wife to the other day.

"Oh, it was absolutely fantastic. The food was perfect, the service was quick. For $12 we got five plates absolutely filled with the best food we've ever eaten! I'll never forget this restau...

Two sisters

There were once two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because just after you were born, a petal fell on you."

"Bllaaarrarararraraaarg", says Fridge from the corner.





Edit: neat...

A little girl, around 10 years old, walks into a bakery

The baker's wife, taking care of the sales at the till, can't help but notice her deformed face, her palate cleft and her whole distorted body, forcing her to use crutches to move around. The wife, thinking what a poor life she must have had, asks kindly what she could do to help the lil girl :
...

A young man is picking the petals of the flower...

19th century:
"She loves me, she loves me not..."
20th century:
"She'll sleep with me, she won't..."
21st century:
"I'm a man, I'm a woman..."

My New Job At A Nursery

I’d been working at my new nursery (day-care) for about a week when 3 new girls were joined us one morning. As I’d learned was the protocol when we had new kids join us, I quietened the kids down, arranged everyone in a circle before clearing my throat:

“Kids, we have some new girls joining u...

Kinda dark but still SFW

A woman was walking home with her 3 daughters.
The first one asked here
“Mom why did you chose my name”
and the mom says
“Well, when we were walking home from the hospital a rose petal fell on your head so we named you Rose”
The second daughter then asks.
“What about me?”
The ...

There's a group of people who say they for years they've adored these three sunflowers growing together...

...and then three sunflowers which looked the same and just as beautiful were planted next to them but did not grow very tall. Purely because of this, the people insisted and raged that the new sunflowers were an abomination that totally destroyed the beauty and awe of the three tall sunflowers perm...

The Pterodactyl’s Dilemma

Once there was a young Pterodactyl who really needed to use the restroom, but was too shy to do so in front of the other dinosaurs. So it decided to fly up to the tallest tree he could see and tried to do so there. As soon as it reached the top, the Pterodactyl thought to itself “I can’t do it here,...

My friend told me this joke recently.

A girl asked her mother why she was named Rose.

Her mother replied, "Well, it's because as we were walking out of the hospital with you, a rose petal fell on your head. Because of that, we decided to name you Rose."

Rose asked, "So is that why my brother is named Leaf?"

"Yup." R...

"Why did you name me Lily?"

"Father," said Lily, "why did you name me Lily?" Lily's father smiled, "On the day you were born, a gentle breeze carried a lily through the window, and it gently fell onto your forehead, and so we named you Lily." Lily smiled at her father, and went back to playing.
On that same day, Lily's sist...

3 girls and thier mother were walking through a park...

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took...

A girl goes up to her mother

“Mum why am I called Rose?” she asks

“Because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head”

Her sister asks the same question the next day.

“Mum why am I called Lily?”

“Because when you were born a lily petal fell on your head”

“OW KAHF HSHA DISHWKSDKC UEO”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl a priest and a dog....

A little girl is walking her dog, when a priest comes along and says,
"Hello, little girl. What's your name?"
She says, "Rosepetal."
He says, "That's a nice name."
She says, "Yeah. When I was a little baby a
rose petal fell on my head and my daddy
called me Rosepetal ever since....

2 elderly couples were walking down a street, the husbands were talking to each other and the wives were talking to each other...

Husband 1: "I went to a restaurant recently and it was absolutely delightful. For the first time my wife really enjoyed herself:

Husband 2: "That sounds wonderful, I should take my wife there, what was the name of the place?"

H1: "Uh, lets see... a flower.. it's got red petals.. green ...

A child asked his mom, "Mom how did I get my name?"

"Well Rose, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head, so we called you Rose"

Another child came up to her " Mom how did you get my name?"

"Well Daisy, when you were born, a daisy petal fell on you, so that's what we called you.

Child 3: "Mmmm Uuuuuuuuuu Mmmmmmmmm Eeeee...

I arranged a surprise for my wife's birthday. I put a blindfold on her and took her by the hand upstairs.

Once the blindfold was removed her view was this: me on the bed naked, surrounded by petals and candles, my legs separated enough for her to see the trimmed bush, the throbbing male organ.



A gentle music played.



"I'm ready to pleasure you," I purred, my come hither fing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a store in Spain that sells exquisite handmade writing instruments.

This store has all kinds of bespoke fountain pens and rollerball pens and even ball point pens. There are pens made of fine hard woods and precious metals inlaid with all kinds of gems. These pens are all handmade by artisans who have been in the business for generations.

But what really sets...

Dad, where did my name come from?

One day a man was sitting on the porch, reading a book while keeping an eye on his 3 kids who were playing in the yard. The eldest, Rose, comes up to him and says "Dad, I was wondering, why did you name me Rose?"

"Well you'd never believe it, but when you were born a rose petal fell from a bo...

One spring afternoon, 3 were having a picnic in their garden.

Suddenly, the eldest daughter asks, “Mommy, why did you and Daddy name me Lily?”


To which the mother replies, “Well Lily, you may not know this, but all 3 of you girls were born in this very garden and when you finally were born, a single Lily petal fell on your head, and so we named you ...

A father was sitting at the table with his two daughters

Petal and Fridge.

Petal said, "Dad, why is my name Petal?"

Her dad answered, "Because a flower petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born."

Then Fridge said, "HUURRGRRUWAHGUWAAAAAH!"

A nurse was walking through a maternity ward, checking on the new arrivals and their mothers..

She walked into the first room where a woman had hold of her precious newborn child with the face of an angel. She asked the mother what the name was, to which the mother replied,

"I called her Rose because when i was going into labour, a rose petal drifted in through the window and landed on...

Story of names

Three kids are in the car with there mom.

Kid 1: mom how was I named?

Mom: well when we were taking you out of the hospital a lily fell on your head so we decided to call you lily.

Kid 2: what about me?

Mom: when we left the hospital with you a rose petal fell on your h...

A cow gives birth to 4 cavles, and one day her oldest comes up and asks "Mother, why was I names 'Lotus'

The mother replies saying "Because when you were born, a lotus petal fell on your head". The next day, the mothers second oldest came up and asked why they were called Rose, and the mother replies "Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were born". Her third child asked why they were named ...

A mother has two daughters and a son.

A mother has two daughters and a son. One day her first daughter comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I named Rose?", to which she replies: "That's because when you were a baby a rose landed on your head".

Her second daughter later comes up to her and says: "Mother, why am I called Petal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl asks how she got her name.

Her mom says “Well when we were bringing you home from the hospital a rose petal landed on your face, so we named you rose. We named your brother ray because a beam of sunlight hit him on the way home from the hospital too.”

From the next room the third siblings says

“Hyrnagamadrgs!”...

Heard about the do-it-yourself home rodeo?

Cook a romantic candle lit dinner for your girlfriend. Have a good bottle of wine, and then lead her quietly into the bedroom. You have already spread rose petals on top of the bed. Low seductive music in the background. Erotically take each other’s clothes off, get her up on the bed on all four...

A mother is sitting with her three children...

2 girls and a boy. The first girl turns to her mother, and asks, with a soft, sweet voice and a smile, "Mom, why is my name violet?".

Her mother answers, "Well, dear when I was in hospital with you your father brought me a bouquet of violets, and when I was trying to think of a name, one of t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vodoo Dick

A woman complains to her friend that she hasn't been laid in years and she feels so lonely. Her friend suggests that she visit the Haitian store and she will get help. The woman is curious so she goes to the store and bashfully explains her situation to the store owner. He pulls out a wooden phallus...

One morning, a little girl goes into the living room and asks her mother...

"Why did you name me Rose, mom?"

Mom says, "As we we leaving the hospital after you were born, a rose petal fell on your head. So we named you Rose."

The daughter says, "Is that why my little brother is named Leaf and little sister is named Rain?"

"Yes," Mom says. "Exactly."...

Dad why did you name me rose?

Child 1: "Dad why did you name me rose?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little rose petal fell on your forehead, it was such a beautiful moment."

Child 2: "And why did you name me Lily?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little Lily fluttered onto your forehead"

Chi...

A father Is lounging in his study..

When one of his daughters walks in and asks "Daddy.. why is my name Rose?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a rose petal on your face." The second daughter barges in and asks "Daddy why Is my name Daisy?" The father replys "Because when you were born, we dropped a daisy peta...

A little girl asks her father how she got her name

"well honey a rose petal landed on your head as we were carrying you out of the hospital, so we named you rose."

his younger daughter runs up to him "and how did i get my name daddy?"

"well honey a lily petal landed on your head as we were carrying you out of the hospital, so we named ...

Children’s names

A mother and her children were talking. “Mom, why is my name rose?”said Rose.
Mom replied “when you were a baby, a rose petal fell on your head, so we named you Rose.”
“Why am I called Poppy?”said another child.
“Because when you were a baby, a Poppy petal fell on your head, so we called y...

A father and a mother have three children. One day the first child comes up and says...

"Father. Mother. Why is my name Rose?"

And the Father says, "When you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." The child nods and goes away the second oldest then starts wondering about her name so she goes up to her father.

"Father why is my name Raina?"

"Because when you we...

A man and his 3 daughters

This was one of my favorites from middle school:
So a man has 3 daughters and he is sitting alone in his room one night.
His oldest daughter comes in and asks, "Dad, why did you name me Rose?" He responds, "Well when you were born a rose petal fell on your forehead."
She leaves and the seco...

Middle Ages Joke

Flower: I will droop my petals a little.

Aspiring gardener: THOU WILT NOT.

A mother of 3 children was at the park one day...

Her oldest child came up to her on the bench.
"Mama, why is my name Rose?"
"Because when you were born, a rose petal fell onto your head, and we read it as a sign to name you Rose."
The mother's second child came running up and asked:
"Mama why is my name Lily?"
"Because at the hospit...

Hey dad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?

"Because a rose petal fell on her head when she was a baby, dear son," replied the Dad.

"Oh, thanks for telling me Dad!"

"No problem, Toaster Oven."

Mom why do they call me...

[So my friend told me this joke today]

A little girl walks into her mother's room and asks 'mom, why did you name me daisy?'
'Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head,' she replied.
The next child walks in and says 'mom, why did you name me rose?'
'Because when you...

Two elderly couples are chatting over tea.

Afterwards, as the women excuse themselves and return the dishes to the kitchen, one of the men turns to the other and tells him about a fantastic dinner he and his wife had enjoyed the other evening.
The second man then asks him where they ate.
"Hmm," ponders the first man. "You know that fl...

A man with three daughters

Was sitting on his couch one day when his oldest daughter comes up to him and asks, dad why did you rose? He replies, well when you were born me and your mother took you to the park and a rose petal fell on you forehead, so we decided to name you rose. She accepts this and goes on her way. A little ...

Why couldn't the flower ride its bike?

its petals broke.

An elderly couple visits their friends

After a fine dinner, the men retreat into the library to smoke cigars and to have a conversation.

"Last week me and my wife ate at this great restaurant."

"Really? What was it called?"

"Let me think....what's that flower with a yellow center and white petals?"

"A daisy?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Mama, why is my brother's name Leaf?"

"Because when he was born, a leaf fell on his head."

"Well, why is my sister named Rose?"

"When she was born, a rose petal fell on her head."

"Then why is my name Brick?"

"Look, we just got sick of the nature theme, okay? Deal with it and be grateful your name isn't JizzA...

A Dad and his 3 Daughters are eating dinner

One daughter turns to her dad and asks "Dad, why did you name me Rosie?". Her Dad looks at her and says "Well, when you were born, the first thing to touch your face was a rose petal, so we named you Rosie". The second daughter looks at him and asks "Dad, why'd you name me Lilly?". The Dad looks at ...

If you think your girlfriend has a great sense of humor...

try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.

Am I guilty of being romantic? You be the judge.

A bottle of champagne on ice, sweet love songs playing in the background, a trail of rose petals lead to a bed on which I'm lying naked. The bedroom door slowly opens and I whisper those three special words....
Happy Birthday Dad.

25th wedding anniversary

Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.

As I’d ho...

Names

The mother of three children is lying in the hospital on her death bed.
Her daughter Rose walks in, "Mom, why did you name me rose?" "Because the day you were born a rose petal fell on your head so we named you 'Rose.'"
Then, her daughter Orchid asked her, "Mom, then how come I'm named Orchid...

The Daughters Names

One day, a little girl ran up to her Father.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!! Why did you call me Rose?"

The father smiled and picked her up on his knee.

"You see, when you were born, and we brought you home, the first thing that touched your head was a rose petal. So we decided to call y...

— You know, that doctor actually managed to improve my memory.

— Really? That's great! What's his name?

— Umm... you know that flower, the beautiful one, with red petals, a nice smell and thorns?

— You mean a rose?

— Yes, rose, exactly, thank you! (turning to his wife) Rose, honey, what's my doctor's name?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The three guys were discussing how to please their wives...

The Italian says "After we make love, I cover her with little chocolates, and when they melt from her body heat, I lick them off. She loves it!"

The Frenchman says "After sex, I cover her with rose petals, then gently blow them off. It drives her wild!"

The American says "Af...

Daddy, how did you name me?

A father is resting outside on a summer afternoon when his young daughter comes up to him and asks, "Daddy, how did I get my name?" He replied, "Well sweetheart, when you were born your mother and I didn't know what to name you so we brought you home from the hospital and set you down in the nursery...

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