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Fiftieth Jokes

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It's Bill and Hillary Clinton's fiftieth anniversary...

As they sat over a candle lit dinner, Hillary made a confession. "Bill," she says. "You know that box in the basement you told me never to open?"
"Yes" says Bill.
"It had been bothering me for years and finally curiosity won over. I opened it."
Bill sighed in disappointment. Hillary asked...

A wife wants a fancy Porsche for her fiftieth birthday

She drops hints to her husband:

"You know we've had a really good year, heck, good decade, fiscally. For my birthday, I'm really hoping for something sleek, maybe baby blue. Something you can really step on and it'll go from 0 to 200 in like .2 seconds..."

The husband nods knowingly. S...

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A man approaching his fiftieth birthday decides to have a facelift.

He spends $5,000 on the operation and is very happy with the results. On his way home from surgery, he stops at a kiosk and buys some cigarettes.
Before leaving, he says to the vendor, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”

“About thirty-five,” is the reply.
<...

Fifty Years of Marriage

An older gentleman goes into a bar and hears the other patrons discussing the ups and down of mariage.

"Next week my wife and I will celebrate our fiftieth anniversary," he tells them.

"That's great. What's your secret for a long and happy marriage," one asks.

"Well, you have to...

50th wedding anniversary

To celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary, a couple returned to their honeymoon hotel.

After retiring to bed, the wife said, “Darling, do you remember how you stroked my hair?” and so he stroked her hair. She reminded him of the way they had cuddled, and so they did.

Then, ...

The millionaire..

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. "I will give anything they desire of mine, to the perso...

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There once was a man who’s lucky number was 5.

John was born on the 5th of May in 1955, at precisely 5:55 am, when his parents were both 55 years old. He lived on the fifth floor of an apartment, 5 hours away from his school.

As he grew up, the number five cropped up in his life in weird and wonderful ways. He was five minutes late to eve...

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Newlywed couple are on their honeymoon.

The wife asks if there is anything she can do to satisfy her husband. He says " I heard about this thing called a blowjob where you suck on my thing with your mouth. It's supposed to feel amazing". She says " I can't do that you won't respect me after". He says "ok, it never hurts to ask".

...

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