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Anna Jokes

Alison Brie, Anna Kendrick, and Keira Knightley play a game of strip poker. Who wins?

The internet

What did the drummer call his twin daughters ?

Anna One, Anna Two

Knock knock

Who's there?

Mary.

Mary who?

Mary Christmas!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Anna.

Anna who?

Anna happy new year!

Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :)

Lawrence Welk had twin girls and he named them both Anna. How were they distinguished?

Anna 1, Anna 2.

Anna Paula went to the doctor.

She checked in at the desk. The receptionist asked her name.
"Anna Paula" she replied.
"And your last name?"
"My last name is Day."
The receptionist went back to the doctor and came back quickly. "I'm sorry the doctor refused to see you."


Which just proves that Anna Paula Day...

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A louse enters the employment bureau and says, "I'm unemployed, what to do?"

The clerk looks at the computer and says, "I can offer you a job in Danny's mustache."

"Great", says the louse, and the next day she goes to work.

Two days later she comes back, "I can not work in Danny's mustache - He smokes a lot, and I have asthma."

"Well", says the clerk, ...

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Anna complained to her friend Julia how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband.

"I know a simple trick,” Julia said.
“Whenever I want to have sex with Peter, I gently put my hand on his dick and say:
*Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?*
And that's it! Works every time!”
Anna was impressed, and said she would try it when her husband...

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Anna is Still in Mourning

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago and her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immed...

Elsa dolls outsell Anna dolls in every country in the world, except Italy

because when Italians ask their kids which doll they want, they say “You wanta Anna or Elsa!”

Tom and Anna are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years.

One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, “You’ve been married for so long and you’re so cute together, I’ll grant you a wish each.”

The woman is beside herself with joy and wishes for a trip to Thailand. Poof – she’s holding two tickets to ...

I used to date a girl called Anna Ward

She was a trophy girlfriend.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Irr-elephant

Hahahaha

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna-one, Anna-two.

Buhahahahaha.

Short message telegram

In days past, pre- phones and faxes and emails, a group of young ladies went on a picnic.

Unfortunately, the picnic was cut short as one of their group, Anna, sat down on an anthill and was rushed to hospital (Accident and Emergency in the UK).

Her friends needed to inform Anna's paren...

Whatever you do, don't buy anything from eBay seller xx_Anna_xx

My wife bought a crocodile skin handbag from her. When the bag arrived, turned out to be snake skin... Anna conned her.

So I'm at the nuclear missile facility and my boyfriend texts me "Hey Anna, wanna come over? ;)"

The general asks me for target coordinates for a missile launch so I do a search.

Using satellite imaging, I find the perfect spot and fire straight away.

Me: "General, we've launched a nuclear strike at these coordinates."

He looks at me in extreme confusion.

General: "W...

Why didn’t Anna and Elsa’s parents teach them the whole alphabet?

Because they got lost at C.

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Anna Kournikova is approached by her agent with one last career option.

He explains that with her youthful looks behind her, her best option is to take a training shoe endorsement she has been offered. She'll only need to model the footwear from the legs down, and give them use of her name.

She's reluctant because years of top level tennis gave her leg muscles wh...

"Diana!" I said greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door...

She said, "My name's Anna."

I said, "Yeah, I know."

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The maid went to the wife and asked for a pay rise.

The wife was very worried about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked, “Now Anna, why do you want more pay?”

Anna: “Well, Ma’am, there are three reasons why I wanna increase. The first reason is that I clean better than you.”

Wife: “Who said you clean better...

Three old sisters...

Mary, Anna and Josephine, live in a house together.

One night Mary runs a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells down the stairs "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

Anna yells back "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses....

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Anna Freud, asks Sigmund Freud

Anna Freud, before she became a great analyst, is in Vienna, at home with her father. The two of them are discussing psychoanalysis, when Anna turns to Freud and says "There is one thing I have always been meaning to ask that I am not sure about: What is the phallus?" Freud says "Well, this is somet...

A psychopath breaks into a house

In bedroom, he finds a husband and wife sleeping. He grabs his knife, wakes them up and gets the knife close to wife's neck.

"What is your name", he asks her.

"Anna", she replies while shaking with fear.

"That was my mother's name", says the psychopath, "I will not kill you then...

Mr Connor took his daughter, Anna, to a Vietnamese church....

....in the hopes of getting her to stop her rebellious teenage shenanigans.
Anna obviously resistant, warned him beforehand that she'll go to the church, but she doesn't want to attend the church habitually.
Mr Connor agreed with Anna, hoping the one visit will be enough.
At the front of th...

What do we get if Anna and Elsa are in a major car accident?

Frozen vegetables

On his Birthday, Peter was really upset...

On his Birthday, Peter was really upset because none of his family members or near and dear ones wished him. As he walked into his office, his secretary Anna said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" He felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. In the lunch time Ann...

I don’t understand how in the movie Frozen, Anna didn’t know that Elsa had magical powers, even though she was locked in her room for years and refused to come out

After all, she was clearly giving Anna the cold shoulder

Little drummer Boy grew up and became a father to twin girls:

Anna 1, Anna 2

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A russian man and his wife are into BDSM

A russian man, Vladislav, and his wife, Anna, are very into BDSM and roleplay and have very kinky sex every night. One night, when they are both particularly into it, Anna decides that she can't take much more. Only issue is, Anna can't remember the safeword. She starts telling her husband to stop, ...

PSA for expecting parents

The name you give your child will follow them throughout their entire life, so choose carefully. Think of how it will be made into nicknames and how other people will say it.

Oh, and don't forget about the initials.

Sincerely,

Anna Nichole Amber Lewis and Clive Ulysses Mansfiel...

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There's a man coming to the hotel.

He walks up to the sign-in desk and says, "Hello, can I have a room for one night?"
Yes, of course, that'il be 50 euros
Okay, and can you order food from the room?
Yes, of course, you have a phone in room and the number next to it just call and they'll bring food to your room.
Okay, and...

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Nun Shall Pass

The waiting line to get into heaven is managed by St. Peter.
A busload of Nuns die and are in line.

The first nun goes to St. Peter and he says
“OK I have to ask, have you ever seen a penis?”

The nun replies, “I saw one once.”

St. Peter said, “Well, it’s OK, just wash...

A man furiously approaches his neighbour and shouts, “Where is your wife!?”

“Why?” the neighbour asks. “What did Anna do?”

“She tricked my wife into investing in a fake farm for giant snakes,” the man yelled.

“Anna conned her?”

“No. Burmese python.”

A teacher asked her students: “when you go to heaven, which part of your spiritual body goes first?”

A teacher asked her students: “when you go to heaven, which part of your spiritual body goes first?”

Little Anna raised her finger.

“Yes Anna?”

“I think the hands go first”, she said.

“Why is that?”, asked the teacher.

“Because, when people pray, they raise thei...

Iowa has produced a new Tennis sensation

Anna Cornacoba

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A man walks into a brothel

A poor man walks into a brothel, and tell the pimp in charge he only has $5 to spend. The pimp, thinks for a moment, and then sends him to the last door at the end of the corridor, to a woman named Anna.
Anna looks fine enough, so the man is a little confused as he was expecting far worse. In no ...

Y'all probably will hate me for this. Spoiler alert for Frozen II.

In the first movie Anna was Frozen

Now in the second movie Elsa is frozen too (Frozen 2)

I'm sorry I shall take my leave

I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding

My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.

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My friend was dating two blonde haired, blue eyed twins from Sweden, but he couldn’t tell the difference between them.

He finally worked out that Anna has a little freckle on her right butt cheek, and Bjorn has a moustache.

I have two really good Spanish friends in the south of the USA that I want to visit some day

They're called Louise y Anna

A woman who is a month pregnant falls into a deep coma. Three months after giving birth, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby...



Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like to hear first?

Woman: Of course, the good news.

Doctor: You had twins, both girls, and they’re both fine. Luckily, your brother was here to name them.

Woman: Oh, that drummer... What did he name th...

How many Amazonian fish does it take to kill a Frozen character?

Just one per Anna.

My dyslexic support group held a slam poetry competition

Doug got first with a great piece about racial tensions in America.

Anna got second with a touching monologue about women's rights.

I got third by smashing an urn.

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

"Sorry, that name is already taken"

A lady tells to the nurse at the maternity hospital:
- I think I will call my little newborn Anna.
Doctor:
- Sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her Anna532 or Anna_153.

So a guy lies on his death bed.

An old man is on his death bed. His entire family is by his side. He asks his daughter "Anna, are you there?" His daughter Anna says "yes father im here." The man then asks " What about my son is he here?" His son says "yes im here." "What about my grandkids," the old man said, growing more raspy. "...

I had a customer tonight with allergies [true story]

Rude Customer: Can you just make sure there's no nuts in my food? I can't eat nuts.
Me: Sure! My sister Anna can't eat nuts either. You might know her?
Customer: Oh?
Me: Anna-phallactic?
Customer: Oh.
Me: Just kidding, I don't have a sister.
Customer: Oh?
Me: She died. She ate s...

The son wanna date a neighbour

\- Dad, can I date Lisa next door?

\- No, she is your sister.

\- How about Anna in block 59?

\- No, she is your little sister.

\- Ok, this is weird. How about Karen the waitress? Can I date her or is she my sister too?

\- No, she is your brother.

The upset s...

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Horse Names banned by the British Horse Racing Authority

Chit Hot

Chocolate Starfish

Choke the Chicken

Curl One Off

Dick Face

Harry Azzol

Harry Balls

Harry Monk

Hugh G Dildeaux

Hugh G Rection

Hugh Gass Kisser

Hugh Gorgy

Hugh Janus

Ima Hoare

Ima Goodlay
...

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Worst Injury Imaginable

A South American guy gets into a terrible accident. When he comes to in the hospital, he looks down and sees a bloody rag covering his groin, and notices he can't feel his penis.

A doctor walks into his hospital room and the guy looks at him, and says, through tears "Give it to me straight, D...

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My monkey...

Anna realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grow...

I wanna banana from earth.

It's Christmas time, and a little boy is sitting on the mall Santa's lap.

"And what do you want for Christmas?" Santa asks with a smile.

"I wanna banana from Earth." He says, looking a little annoyed.

Santa, somewhat confused, asks the boy. "From earth?"

"Yes" The boy ret...

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A fat man passes by a brothel..

... When he sees an advertisement sign stating "New weight loss program, free trial!". Interested in what it might be he enters. A beautiful nice receptionist welcomes him, when asked about the program she replies "In order to get started you've got to enter room one. It's a three day program, toda...

I've had bad luck with European women

Ginger Vitis -- such bad breath

Anna Phalaxis -- kept fainting

Anne Gina -- broken heart (her brother-in-law Arthur Itis was such a pain)

Di Abetes -- too sugary sweet

Pam Creatis -- made me sick to my stomach

Lauren Gitis -- too quiet

Rose Acea -- A bit ras...

The Soviet Union, 1927

A village is celebrating the anniversary of the revolution. The mayor gives s speech.

"We have accompliced so much during the last ten years! Look at Mikhail Pavlovich, before the revolution he was starving and illiterate. Today he is the best tractor driver in the village!"

People che...

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Once upon a time, there was a man named Really...

This man, though not exactly stunning, was so incredibly charming he could basically get whoever he wanted. Really, however, was particularly in the mood for sex once he turned 18 and turned to the apps to find a date to fulfill his needs.

He swiped right on a few chicks. Cary, Anna, Beth, J...

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