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Esther Jokes

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year...

**...and every year Morris would say,**

**'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'**

**Esther always replied,**

**'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is FIFTY dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'**


**One year Esther and Morris went to the fair,...

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. Howe...

What do you call an old lady in an open relationship?

A poly Esther.

Last will and testament...

David had died. His lawyer is standing before the family, and reads out David's Last Will and Testament.
"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and one million dollars.
To my son Barry, I leave my Lexus, and the new Jaguar.
To my daughter Shriley I leave my...

Darling, it’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow!

A married couple, Harry, and Esther are out shopping one morning when Esther says, “**Darling, it’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her?**
She said she would like something electric.”
Harry replies, “How about a chair?”

I work in an Auckland restaurant and Jacinda Ardern just came in

She said, "Can I get a large aperitif?"

I said, "I very much doubt it."

Credit to all the schoolboys in 1980s England who were making the exact same joke about Esther Rantzen.

The Most Famous Man Who Ever Lived

One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!"

The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."

Then a ...

The class of 1950 gets together for their class reunion. Not many people are left, but two of the 10 people to attend were Harry, an 88 year old widower, and Esther, an 87 year old divorcee.

Over the course of the evening, they had a great time chatting about old times and their families. They each felt a real connection and by the time the night was out, Harry had proposed and Esther has happily accepted.

The next morning, Harry woke up and was frustrated to realize that he cou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish man is on his deathbed and he calls his wife over to him. "Esther, when we were childhood sweethearts during the war and were captured by the Nazis and put in the concentration camp, you were by my side."

"After the war, when we moved to England, got married and had to work 12 hours a day to pay for a single room, you were by my side."

"Later when my business collapsed and we were again left penniless, you were by my side."

"And now finally, as I prepare to die, you are again by my sid...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three women are at an exclusive health club in Miami. They are debating how much to tip the towel boy.

Edith says, “I’ll give him five bucks.” Esther says, “I’ll give him ten.” “What about you, Rose, what are you going to tip him?” asked Edith. “I’m going to give him sex,” she said.
“Huh? Are you crazy?” asked Esther.
“No. In fact, I was wondering about this yesterday. So I called my husband,...

What did the fabric manufacturer name his two daughters?

Poly and Esther

What are the serial killer's clothes made out of?

Paulie Esther

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A talmudist goes to Moscow...

After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist
from Odessa was finally granted permission to visit Moscow.

He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop,
a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young
man and he thought: This f...

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