Maria, a staunch Catholic woman got married and had 15 kids with her husband

Sadly, he passed away sometime later. Maria then married another man and had 15 children with him as well. Soon after, her second husband also passed away and eventually, Maria passed away

2 days later, it's Maria's funeral and the Priest says"Finally. They are together". Maria's sister, ami...

Teacher: Maria, go to the map and find North America

Maria: Here it is.

Teacher: Correct. Now, Class, who discovered America?

Class: Maria

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Maria and Luigi

Luigi and Maria go to a marriage counselor. Maria goes in first, and the counselor asks her about her concerns.

"Luigi is a wonderful man," says Maria. "There are just three things about him that really bother me."

"Tell me, says the counselor."

"The first thing," says Maria, "i...

Maria went home happy.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young Italian couple get married,

(actually, Italian-American, second generation) named Maria and Luigi. They can only afford to spend their honeymoon night at Maria's Mama's house. Maria is a nervous virgin, but finally Mama 'shoos' her upstairs to be with her husband.
Luigi is sitting on the bed admiring Maria, undressing her ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Nuns [Long]

Three nuns were kicking around the convent one day, doing nun things such as praising the lord and disapproving of pop music when one nun said

"RIGHT. I'm sick of being a nun, I want to quit" the other two nuns agreed, being a nun is rubbish, and skipped off singing to Mother Superiors offic...

Maria, a maid, asks her boss for a raise.

Her boss is annoyed and asks, "Now, Maria, why do you think you deserve a raise?"
Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an raise. First, I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother,” all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pedro and Maria

Pedro was sexually a very experienced man when he got married to Maria, but she was totally naive.

On their wedding night, when Pedro removed his clothes, Maria asked, 'Pedro! What is that?'

Pedro, a quick thinker, said, 'Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these.'
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tony and Maria get married...

..and they're spending their honeymoon night at her mother's house. Maria, being a good Italian girl, is a virgin, and has never seen a naked man. The newlyweds go upstairs and start getting undressed.

Tony takes his shirt off, and Maria shrieks and runs downstairs where her mother is making ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Maria had 3 children, snowflake, sand, and brick.

One day snowflake goes to her mom and asks her: Mom, why am I called snowflake? Then the mother replies: Because when you were born, a snowflake fell on your head. The next day goes Sand and asks: Mom, why am I called Sand? And the mother replies: Because when you were born, a small grain of sand f...

Four months into her postulancy to become a nun a young woman went to Sister Maria crying.

"Sister, I must leave this convent but before I go I want to confess my sins."

"Okay," said Sister Maria.

"During my time here I've slept with multiple men!"

"Shame," said Sister Maria.

"Sometimes multiple men at one time."

"Shame," Said Sister Maria.

"Marri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are you a VIRGIN?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.

After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"

"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.

...

Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children.

Soon after the last child is born her husband dies.

A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has
another 22 children with her second husband.

After the last child is born her second husband also dies.

Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third t...

Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger?

To breed a Kennedy that could take a bullet.

why didn't Maria go to prom?

she had no Juan to go with

Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for 2 years

There's a sign at every court with her mugshot that says "do not serve this woman".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A retired Italian man is working away in his garden when he finds a mysterious old lamp

He picks up and lamp and rubs it, and out pops a genie. The genie explains to him that he only gets one wish, so he should think on it and make it a good one. The man thinks for a few moments before saying "my wife and I love to drink wine, I'd like to be able to make the best wine in the world!" th...

If James Bond was Spanish.

My name is Bond.
James Diego Jose Fransisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno Maria del los Remedios omg Bond..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pedro worked in a fine pickle factory in Mexico City

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of ...

Wedding Same Day As Superbowl! Help Requested:

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2019 Super bowl in Atlanta. They are box seats plus airfare and hotel accommodations. He didn’t realize when he bought the tickets that it is the same day as his wedding – so he can’t go.

If you’re interested and want to go instead of him, it’s at St....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a salesman travelling across the Great Plains on a stormy afternoon

Seeks shelter in a small town. He goes into the only restaurant he can find and asks the owner if he can have some food and a bed for the night.
Owner: Sure, good man we have good food and you can stay the night.
Salesman: Great and can I also buy love?

Owner: Hmm, we are a small town b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blind man in a Hotel...

Manager - Menu Sir ??

Man - I'm blind, just bring me ur kitchen spoon, I'll smell it & order.

Manager got a spoon
Blind man smelt & said "Yes, I'll have garlic bread with seasoned potatoes...

"Unbelievable" said the manager...

Every week he came & was corre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..."

Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..."

Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Italian joke..

A woman raised in a Monastery gets married. Let's call her Maria and her husband Mario.The wedding finishes and Mario and Maria are now in the bedroom.
Mario takes off his clothes and Maria being a girl raised in a monastery only with women is surprised when she sees Mario's penis. She asks him:...

Conversation between a fisherman and an MBA graduate

An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Asian woman on a plane sees her Asian seat-mate reading a book on Asian Stereotypes.

A little offended, yet equally curious, she asks her seat-mate "What does the book say?"

Her seat mate says: "According to this book, Filipino women are beautiful, Japanese women are smart, and Vietnamese women are faithful".

Taken aback by the slightly chauvinistic and stereotypical n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny was at school

Johnny was at school and the teacher said,
"Someone use fascinate in a sentence."
Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating."
The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence."
Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the te...

A little collection of children's unintentional quick wittyness.

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.

MARIA : Here it is.

TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Maria.
____________________________
TEACHER : John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN : Yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A old man meets an old woman in a care home...

They get off to a good start and they started to talk he learned she was called Maria and they talked about their past and their experiences and eventually they get to the subject of Sex. The old man says "I can't get an erection anymore, I need a woman to help me do it" Maria volunteered to help hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day during the family lunch the youngest..

.. son Paul asks his father:
- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question: 
- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife

Daddy turns...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, Jesus turned 18,

and Joseph went to Maria and told her that he knows what the bible said etc. etc. but he wanted his son to be with a woman at least 1 time in his life. Maria was furious and told Joseph to fuck off.
So Joseph and Jesus visited a local whorehouse in Jerusalem and Joseph chose a woman for Jesus and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mrs. Esposito comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.

He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meet the e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A homeless man walks into a restaurant...

He sits down at a table and asks to speak to the manager. The manager walks over to the man and says

"Can I help you?"

"I'm going to be honest with you. I have no money to pay for a meal. But I want to make a little wager with you. I want you to take any spoon that you want and then I ...

My wife always says I am bullying on of our children

I don't know which one she means... John, Maria or the fat ugly one?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blonde wins a lottery.

Maria won a lottery worth 5 million.

Stevo thought he would break it down slowly to not overwhelm her.

Called her:

Stevo: Hello mam, I am from xyz lottery you purchased a ticket number 123456. If you were to win 1 million what would you do?

Maria: I would strip naked for ...

AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.


The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?'


'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'

Well, Joe...

You know what they say about fast typers?[OC]

They can make a girl qwert

Credit: sumkid (Maria) and I

Kids are learning about colors in class.

So the teacher asks them to make up a sentence using colors.

First the teacher asks Maria and she says: "I ate a red apple in the morning"

Teacher: "Very good Maria, now you Robert, give us a sentence that uses a color"

Robert: "I like looking at the blue sky"

Teacher: "N...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Janitor standin at the confession box

Father Paul had had a rather long day, listening to confessions from the members of his parish, and suddenly needed a break, and stepped out from the confession box and asked the janitor who was washing the floor.

"Hey Carl, could you make a standin for me, just ten min, I really need to go ...

A young, recently married Italian couple immigrates to New York...

...and after three months of marriage, the wife, Maria, presents the husband, Ernesto, with divorce papers. Lawyers get involved, and eventually they are sitting in a meeting with each other's lawyers.
Ernesto's lawyer asks Maria: Maria, why do you want to divorce Ernesto?

Maria says "Tw...

Two Nuns On Bikes

Two nuns, Maria and Angelica, are riding their bicycles on their way to work at the Vatican. They're running late, so Maria says, "I know a shortcut. Let's go down this alley." They turn right onto the alley, which soon becomes a narrow cobblestone road, with many twists and turns. Angelica remarks,...

Checks and pants

A middle aged man and a hot young girl step into a jewelery store. The man asks the jeweler to show the girl his finest rings. The jeweler obliged does so and after some consideration the girl picks one of the most expensive ones. At the point the man proceeds to write off a check for the ring; the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!"

Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"

It was visitor's day at the insane asylum...

It was visitor's day at the insane asylum and all the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria."


They were singing it beautifully.


But oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.


A visitor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfathers favorite joke..

In a biology class, the teacher draws a cucumber on the blackboard. "Now class, who can tell me what this is?" Vovochka raises his hand. "It's a dick, Mariavanna!" The teacher bursts into tears and runs out of the class. Moments later, the principal angrily barges in. "Alright, which one of you did ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.