What do you call allies who color things in rainbows to show support for Pride?

Dye-er Straights!

How does Putin refer to his greatest political allies?

The creme de la Kremlin

The President and his closest allies are involved in a terrible plane crash, and are left clinging to debris in the middle of the stormy sea.

As time passes, their arms grow weaker, and the squall grows stronger, until the waves threaten to swallow them up. Suddenly, an army helicopter appears overhead, and a Soldier on board lowers a rope to pull the President up.

As soon as the head of government is brought in, the Soldier turns ...

What did the Italian Dictator say to those dang Allies?

Get off Mi-Lan!

Trump has a lot of opponents in the Democratic primaries, but who are his two biggest allies?

The coronavirus and touchscreen voting.

I’m gonna start a religion about that Jewish guy who went around trying to help poor people but was killed because he was betrayed by one of his former close allies

I’m calling it Trotskyism

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During WW2 the allies capture a german general a Japanese general and an italian general.

They take the German general first, they take him and tie his hands behind his back. "I'm never gonna talk" he says "we'll see" says the torturers. After six hours of torture the german general confesses everything he knows. They then throw him back into the cell and take the Japanese general and ti...

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What directions did the Allies need to locate and defeat the Nazis?

Simple. They just took the third reicht...

Did you know that a hand sanitizer is much more effective than the allies in WW2?

A hand sanitizer kills 99.9% of the germs in only 15 seconds.

How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day?

Because Russia was Stalin

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

Why did the boat maker from France have so many allies?

He was great at building French ships.

two dogs are sitting in a bar talking politics

two dogs are sitting in a bar talking politics.

"i dunno Harry , im not sure i can support a president that does not support Israel , they have always been one of our strongest allies "

"Sure , Bob , But what about the Palestine people ?"

at this , a squirrel jumps up on the ba...

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What did Hitler say when the Allies landed on Normandy?

Dang, I did Nazi that coming.

What is the USSRs favourite puppet show?

The Allies

I Germans and an Italian

At the end of WW2, as the Allies were starting to win, there were 3 prisoners of war held together in a cell. Two were German officers and one an Italian soldier. The men were to be held for questioning.
The first day the Allied soldiers took the first German in to be questioned. The guards sit...

There’s not going to be another World War. Calm down.

“World War” implies that America still has allies.

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WW2: an Italian officer, an imperial Japanese officer and a German officer got captured

They all sit in a cell and wait to be interrogated by the Allies.
The German says: "My superior genetics will let me withstand every torture! I won't tell them anything!"
The Japanese says: "I will never dishonor my country and tell them our secrets!"
The Italian says: "I guess I'm fucked."...

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

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A traveler notices an old man pounding drinks in an Irish pub...

He walks over and asks if the man is ok. He replies, "You know, I built the bridge that spans the stream in the middle of this village. But do you think they call me MacInnis the bridge builder?"
"No?" Responded the traveler.
"You're damn right they don't. I fought for the Allies against the ...

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A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier...

A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier are POWs in an allied camp during WWII. They are in their cells and agree not to talk while being interrogated by their captors.

The German soldier is taken first. The other two hear blood curdling screams of pain and within minutes the...

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A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he is sitting there he catches sight of the guy sitting next to him and notices the man looks exactly like Adolf Hitler. The man ignores this at first and quietly drinks his beer.

After some time his curiosity gets the better of him, so...

The German representative is just about to sign the Treaty of Versailles ending the war.

The Allies representative: "So you take full responsibility for starting the war?"

German representative: "Yes, we take full responsibility for starting World War one"

Allies representative: "one?"

Uber teams up with Lyft to fight ride-sharing restrictions in Germany

Deutschland Uber allies was probably a bad choice for the name of the coalition.

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian...

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A group of Australian students where discussing if Trump became president who would he nuke and what would be his motives.

One of the students brightly said "Well, he has no motive to nuke us, we fought in Nam with them and we would be considered allies."

Another student says,
"He has motive to nuke New Zealand though."

The other students are intrigued as to why.

He says,
"Well he hates goat ...

Here's a Russian Joke I liked... that doesn't have any swears

The Year is 1973... and the big one hits, Nuclear War. So the two most powerful nations on Earth hellbent on each other's destruction fire their nukes at each other and each other's allies...



Anyway, during their flight a Soviet missile and an American missile cross each others pa...

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During WWII, An Old Man Worked At a Concentration Camp in Poland...

Due to the Nazi's bombing the factory he used to work in. His job was to move straw back and forth, he would take new straw bales shipped in every morning, put the hay in wheelbarrows where prisoners would then bring the wheelbarrows to where it was needed.

Every night, he had to bring the o...

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The Talking Dog

One day, a man was going through personal ads and came across an ad for a supposed talking dog. When he sees this, he's immediately interested and decides he would check it out for fun. He contacts the person who posted the ad and is on his way in no time.

So he arrives to the owners house, ...

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