I Germans and an Italian

At the end of WW2, as the Allies were starting to win, there were 3 prisoners of war held together in a cell. Two were German officers and one an Italian soldier. The men were to be held for questioning.
The first day the Allied soldiers took the first German in to be questioned. The guards sit...

The campaign to re-irritate our international allies is called:

Make America Grate Again

In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.

They were named the “marine corpse”

Why did the boat maker from France have so many allies?

He was great at building French ships.

Why was the visually-impared german killed by the allies?

Because he was a not-see

How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day?

Because Russia was Stalin

The Captured Allies

In the final years of the Great War, a Brit, Italian and a Frenchman were captured by the enemy.

So, the Brit was brought up to the pole and has his hands tied around it. The firing squad was told to aim, however the man exclaimed,

"Look, a tornado's behind you!"

While the firin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

WW2: an Italian officer, an imperial Japanese officer and a German officer got captured

They all sit in a cell and wait to be interrogated by the Allies.
The German says: "My superior genetics will let me withstand every torture! I won't tell them anything!"
The Japanese says: "I will never dishonor my country and tell them our secrets!"
The Italian says: "I guess I'm fucked."...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did Hitler say when the Allies landed on Normandy?

Dang, I did Nazi that coming.

The US declares war on Iran (OC)

In the fallout at the termination of the nuclear deal, the US declares war on Iran. There is a specific strategically located base that has stumped the US military leadership. They decide to call up their Israeli allies in Mossad, hoping they had stolen plans for the base.

The Mossad guys tel...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A traveler notices an old man pounding drinks in an Irish pub...

He walks over and asks if the man is ok. He replies, "You know, I built the bridge that spans the stream in the middle of this village. But do you think they call me MacInnis the bridge builder?"
"No?" Responded the traveler.
"You're damn right they don't. I fought for the Allies against the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier...

A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier are POWs in an allied camp during WWII. They are in their cells and agree not to talk while being interrogated by their captors.

The German soldier is taken first. The other two hear blood curdling screams of pain and within minutes the...

The German representative is just about to sign the Treaty of Versailles ending the war.

The Allies representative: "So you take full responsibility for starting the war?"

German representative: "Yes, we take full responsibility for starting World War one"

Allies representative: "one?"

Uber teams up with Lyft to fight ride-sharing restrictions in Germany

Deutschland Uber allies was probably a bad choice for the name of the coalition.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A group of Australian students where discussing if Trump became president who would he nuke and what would be his motives.

One of the students brightly said "Well, he has no motive to nuke us, we fought in Nam with them and we would be considered allies."

Another student says,
"He has motive to nuke New Zealand though."

The other students are intrigued as to why.

He says,
"Well he hates goat ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he is sitting there he catches sight of the guy sitting next to him and notices the man looks exactly like Adolf Hitler. The man ignores this at first and quietly drinks his beer.

After some time his curiosity gets the better of him, so...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Republican Jokes

Q: Why should Creationism be taught in schools?

A: Because it leaves less time to teach Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer

Q: What kind of celebration pays down the national debt?

A: A tea party.

Q: When is it okay for Republicans to engage in group sex and d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During WWII, An Old Man Worked At a Concentration Camp in Poland...

Due to the Nazi's bombing the factory he used to work in. His job was to move straw back and forth, he would take new straw bales shipped in every morning, put the hay in wheelbarrows where prisoners would then bring the wheelbarrows to where it was needed.

Every night, he had to bring the o...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian...

Here's a Russian Joke I liked... that doesn't have any swears

The Year is 1973... and the big one hits, Nuclear War. So the two most powerful nations on Earth hellbent on each other's destruction fire their nukes at each other and each other's allies...



Anyway, during their flight a Soviet missile and an American missile cross each others pa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Talking Dog

One day, a man was going through personal ads and came across an ad for a supposed talking dog. When he sees this, he's immediately interested and decides he would check it out for fun. He contacts the person who posted the ad and is on his way in no time.

So he arrives to the owners house, ...