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Ali Jokes

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Muhammad Ali once tried to tell a joke.

But he punched up the fuck line.

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(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.

When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.

Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve Negroes".

Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my damn cheeseburger".

For sale. George Foreman grill set and Mohammed Ali dvds.

Both boxed.

Muhammad Ali, Mike Tyson, and Floyd Mayweather are waiting patiently for a glass of sangria.

If that's not a good punchline, I don't know what is.

[credit to Mohammed Ali - r.i.p] Mohammed Ali walked on an Elevator...

He sees a guy and a pregnant woman in the elevator.

Ali looks at the guy and says "I swear I never saw her before in my life".


note: this really happened. Older family members who bumped into him in the late 70's to early 80's said he was really funny in real life.

Two Beggars in London. (NSFW)

Two beggars in London

Ali and Habib are beggars.
They beg in different areas of London ...

Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot ...

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When the Alies invaded Normandy,

Hitler did Nazi that coming.

Muhammad Ali & Joe Frazier go to a Dry Cleaner.

Owner says, "Can I help you?"

They say, "How much to wash an old pair of boxers?"

Could you imagine taking a punch from someone that played Muhammad Ali, a boxing legend, in a movie??

Chris got lucky it was just a slap! Good thing Will's fist was as open as his marriage.

What do you call Muhammed Ali after he eats a lot of beans?

Gaseous Clay

Muhammad Ali has two boys.

Both of them head strong and talented like their father, vigorously passionate about their sport. But neither of them took a liking to boxing. They actually had an uncanny knack for driving, or rather, the opposite of driving. They could put a car into perfect position flawlessly every time, even in...

My wife got an off brand vibrator from Ali Express.

I told her it might look name brand, but it's just a phallus-y.

Without the Joker, there's no Batman. Without Frazier, there's no Ali.

Without Russian sports, there's no Anti-Doping Agency

An Australian, and Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.


The Irishman calls out across the lounge: "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus"? Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am J...

What did Muhammad Ali name his son?

Alli'son.

I've always wanted to shake Muhammad Ali's hand

Unfortunately, Parkinson's beat me to it.

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Registration on the first day back at school in London, England....

Ahmed Al Sheriah ………………………………"here"

Mustafa Al Sheriah …………………………….."here"

Fatima El Bindiri ……………………………….."here"

Ali Acmah Shabeeb ……………………………"here"

Ali Sun Al En ……………………..No answer

Ali Sun Al En?

Little girl...

[OC] What was Muhammad Ali’s flatulent brother’s name?

Gaseous Clay

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Mohammed Ali could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee

He would be dead after one punch.

Did you hear Muhammad Ali burnt his hand in a few fights?

That's what happens when you punch George Foreman in the grill.

Muhammad Ali’s son was conceived over his parents splitting a veggie platter.

His name was Brock Ali.

So Muhammad Ali is dead...

Is it too soon for a punchline?

What did Mohammed Ali do after converting to Islam?

He-jab

Ali was great but he was not the greatest...

The best boxer that ever lived was reverend Jim Jones. He killed over 900 people with one punch!

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Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear

The worst thing about Muhammad Ali sending a "Tweet" to Mayweather . . .

Ali couldn't type it and Mayweather couldn't read it.

The Jewish Boy and the Muslim Boy

David, a Jewish boy, and Ali, a Muslim boy, are having a conversation.

Ali: I'm getting operated on tomorrow.

David: Oh? What are they going to do?

Ali: Circumcise me!

David: I had that done when I was just a few days old.

Ali: Did it hurt?

David: I co...

Who would win in a fight between Muhammad Ali and Stephen Hawking?

Parkinson's

I made a ceramic sculpture of Mohammed Ali but it exploded in the kiln.

It was gaseous clay

Letter to God

Dear God,

Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.

I was at a urinal when I realized standing to my left was Muhammad Ali and to my right was Michael J. Fox...

bad day to wear sandals.

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A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."
I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can brea...

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What Chris Rock should have said....

Well, now I know why you didn't win for Ali. You tennis dad bitch.

-My wife read the book "Twins" and she gave birth to twins

\-Mine read the book "Three little girls" and she gave birth to triplets

\-Oh my god! I left my wife reading "Ali baba and the forty thieves"

What do women and boxers have in common?

They're both clingy when wet!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Almost a real story] My middle school friends and I, when we were in middle school, were talking about our wet dreams. everyone was having a good time talking about the naughty stuff, but my friend Hassan was all quiet and unamused. Later he came to me and said that he wants my thought.

\- So what's up Hassan?

\+ Ali all the guys are having wet dreams and I am not. Am I sick or something?

\- I don't think so. but there must be a reason that you don't. tell me, Do you fap?

\+ Of course I fap.

\- Do you fap a lot...?

\+ not really. once or twice...

Dentist: open up

Me: well it all started when my dad left

Dentist: no I meant..

Dentist assistant: Wait Ali let him finish

What do you call a lizard that hates fortnite youtubers?

An Ali-hater.

Why can’t Sacha Baron Cohen eat nuts?

Because of his Ali G

Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham, ENGLAND.

*Registration on the first day back at school in Birmingham, ENGLAND.
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:*

"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here"

"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here"

"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here"

"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here"

"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here"...

For all you boxing fans out there

Eighty year old woman, huge boxing fan, decides to get a couple of tattoos of her favourite pugilists done.
One of Mohamed Ali on the inside of her upper right thigh, one of Mike Tyson on the inside of her upper left thigh.
Pleased as punch, she goes home to her husband, lifts up her dress, s...

Three boys are fighting at the zoo

The zookeeper separates them and says: "Alright, I want each of you to tell me his name and what he's doing here."

The first boy says: "My name is Mitch and I was trying to feed peanuts to the gorillas."

The second boy says: "My name is Ali and I was trying to feed peanuts to the goril...

An Aligator and a Monkey meet by the river. The monkey is smoking something.

Aligator: Hey, what have you got there?

Monkey: I've got some of that good stuff man, it's that OG kush everyone's been talking about, you'll take one puff and you're gone! I'm telling you!

Aligator: Nah, mate,that's bull, lemme try some tho.

Aligator pulls once, nothing. Twice....

What do you call a Muslim standing between two buildings?

Ali

If the Alibaba IPO crashes...

Dibs on the term "Ali-bubble"

Whats Brown and Sticky?

Mohammed Ali opening a can of coke.

A plane's pilot is dead and the plane is going to crash.

There are 5 passengers and 4 parachutes. The first passenger is Barack Obama, who takes a parachute on the grounds of being "the president of America". The second passenger, Mohammed Ali, takes a parachute on the grounds of being "a famous boxer". The third passenger, Donald Trump, takes a parachute...

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Bavarian cream pie (from comedians in cars getting coffee)

A soldier in World War II is in Germany at the end of the war and eats a piece of bavarian cream pie at a cafe. It's the best thing he's ever tasted.

He goes on about his life. Gets married, has a family, raises children, retires. His wife dies. He gets diagnosed with cancer. He has a few m...

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