How do you lure a pervert?

Just add the NSFW tag.

Why did the pervert buy 16.5 pints of water?

2 gals 1 cup

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How are kinky, exotic, and perverted sex different?

Kinky is when you tickle your lover's ass with a feather.
Exotic is when you use the whole chicken.
Perverted is when your lover is the chicken

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Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because he couldn’t get his dick outta the chicken

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Just caught a disgusting pervert on the bus.

He was watching pornography over my shoulder.

Why did the pervert moved to Switzerland?

Because he likes to watch.

How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes the whole emergency room to get it out

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After I did a Rorschach test, the therapist said I was a pervert.

That’s unfair. He’s the one with the dirty pictures.

There was a bus with 4 seats.

(Sorry for the poor construction of the joke. English is not my first language)

The conductor came in and began checking the tickets of the passengers.

He approached the lady sitting in the first seat. She didn't have a ticket. The conductor fined her 20$ even though the ticket cost 4...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

I was accosted by a bunch of perverts on the subway...

I had to beat them off.

How did the pervert find the sheep in the tall grass?

Very satisfying.

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What satisfies a pervert as well as an ornithologist?

A pair of great tits.

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Which occupation is the most perverted?

Electrician - they’re always looking for strippers

What's the best way to get a perverts attention?

Put an nsfw tag on your post.

Why do perverts love Pokemon?

Because they can catch a Pikachu.

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Why did the pervert cross the road?

Cause he couldn't get his cock out of the chicken!

(Rik Mayall should have credit for that one. One of his warm up jokes during the taping of 'Bottom'. RIP)

What's the difference between kinky & perverted & twisted?

Kinky's using a feather. Perverted's using the whole chicken & twisted's using the whole farm

What does a perverted frog say?

Rubbit.

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

How do you trick a pervert?

Like this.

Dyslexic walks into a bar

Gets slapped and called a pervert.

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My sister walked in and caught me masturbating. She called me a sick pervert.

I walked in and caught *her* masturbating. She called me a sick pervert.

There's no justice in this world.

How many perverts does it take to screw a light bulb?

I dunno but it took 3 surgeons to take it out of me.

I was sacked yesterday for being a pervert.

I don't understand why, I'm always hard at work.

A bus load of Senior citizens were traveling to a casino. Halfway into the trip, a little old lady walked up to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus.

The driver told her he would check it out at the Casino. So she went back to her seat and sat down. Five minutes later a second little old lady walked to the front of the bus and told the driver they had a pervert on the bus ... Since this was the second complaint in five minutes, he thought he had ...

What do a pervert and Ash Ketchum have in common?

The both want a Pikachu.

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The town pervert has started watching me and my wife have sex through his telescope.

After a few instances of this I was starting to get angry and decided the best thing to do was to set a trap for him.

Bastard saw me coming from a mile away.

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A Farmer

A farmer decided he wanted to go to town and see a movie. As he approached, the ticket agent asked, “Sir, what’s that on your shoulder?”

The old farmer said, “That’s my pet rooster Chuck. Wherever I go, Chuck goes.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” said the ticket agent. “We can’t allow animals in th...

A couple were watching a movie in a dark theater when a mosquito went inside the girl's pants. Can you guess where did the mosquito bite?

On the boyfriend's hand, you dirty minded perverts. Smh.

Is my wife a pervert?

So I was standing looking out my bedroom window whipping one off to my neighbors gorgeous wife who was sunbathing, when I turned around to see my wife standing there looking at me! So my question is do yous think she’s some sort of pervert?

Today this pervert offered me a taco to see me naked. So I replied...

What do I have to do to get a burrito?

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Apparently 3 out of 5 Americans live next to some sort of sexual pervert.

Not me, I live next to a sexy senior citizen with a prosthetic leg!

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I really hate double standards

When a girl buys a dildo, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, he's called a pervert?

What’s a perverted dentists favourite part of an appointment?

The cavity search

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I can't believe how many perverts

I can't believe how many perverts there are in the park nowadays, I only just strolled through, and literally everyone kept staring at my penis.

Hermann Rorschach was a total pervert

You should see the stuff he used to paint.

How do you trick a pervert into looking at something?

Easy.

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Some pervert broke into my house today and jerked off on my wall.

It’s ok though. It was a load bearing wall.

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[NSFW] The nun and the pervert

Jeff was on his morning commute when a beautiful young nun walked on. He couldn't help himself and began trying to flirt with the nun, who just sat there in silence and got off at the next stop.

The bus driver overheard Jeff's attempts and decided to let him in on a secret.

"She prays...

A con artist, a pervert, and a racist walks into a bar.

The barkeep looks up and says "The usual, Mr. Trump?"

What's the difference between a theif and a pervert?

A thief snatches your watch, a pervert watches your snatch.

I can tell how much of a pervert a woman is.

Just by looking up her skirt.

Did you hear about the perverted statistician?

Standard deviation wasn't enough for him.

In a library a guy asked a girl if he could sit beside her.

To this the girl shouted her reply saying: I dont wanna sleep with you at night pervert. Embarrassed the guy went to sit somewhere else.
After a few minutes the girl quietly went to the guy and told: I study psychology and can understand human mind and behavior. You were embarrassed weren't you? ...

NSFW My music teacher was perverted...

He taught us how to Scale A Minor.

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

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What did the pervert say to the aviarist?

Nice tits

What do social media Influencers and perverts have in common?

They both think people want their exposure.

A pervert was cruising the neighborhood in his van one afternoon when he saw a little boy playing in a cubby house in a front yard.

He wound down his window and said "Hey little boy, if I give you a candy, will you let me come inside your cubby house?" to which the boy replied "If you give me the whole packet you can come inside my mouth!"

Musicians are perverts.

The drummer sits in the back beating it, the guitarist is constantly fingering minors, the bassist is slapping it around, and they all like the pianist.

Why do perverts pick Latin as their first foreign language?

It's vulgar.

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Bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says....

...."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."


The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it al...

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Pervert at the shoe store

A man gets home from work to find his wife furiously pacing the house. As soon as he's through the door, she starts frantically telling him about her experience at the shoe store that day.



"I was at the shoe store today and I decided to try on this cute pair of pumps. When the clerk...

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The Perverted Boss....

The boss at a small company was a very perverted guy. Everyone knew about it and usually kept their distance. The boss recently hired a new smoking hot secretary. Everyone told her to keep her distance from him but she wasn't fazed.



One day the boss told the secretary that he has kep...

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A guys sees a pretty girl sitting alone in a library...

He leans over and asks her "Do you mind if I sit with you?".

The girl answers loudly "Hell no I don't want to sleep with you, you fucking pervert!!!"

Everybody in the library looks at the guy and he feels humiliated.

After a few minutes, the girl walks over to him and softly say...

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This complete stranger PMed me out of nowhere and suggested we meet up in the forest and compare dick sizes!

The perverted fuck didn't even turn up.

What do you call a perverted alligator?

A masturgator

I learned that, under the perverts, Sodomists are the most accepted

I guess they're underdogs

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A pervert and a jerk are having a walk at the forest...

A pervert and a jerk are having a walk at the forest, when suddenly a fairy appears and offers 3 wishes to each one.

The pervert has the first turn, and he wishes for the whole forest to be filled with women only for him. His wish is done, the forest is full of women.

It’s the jerk’s t...

Some people say it's sick & perverted to be a flasher...

...but I think it shows a lot of balls!

What Do You Call A Fight Between an Illegal Immigrant and a Pervert?

Alien V. Predator.

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I realised how perverted and wrong touching someone's butt is, but it was when i slapped a statue...

When i realised that i've hit rock bottom.

What did the pervert say when he was kicked out of the public pool?

"I was only practicing my breast stroke"

What's the difference between a kinky person and a pervert?

A kinky person uses a feather. A Pervert uses the whole chicken.

Bonus:: Why did the pervert cross the road? He was stuck to the chicken.

What do a vegan and a pervert have in common?

They both get excited then they see a chickpea.

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First word I learnt in the Japanese language

Do you know what the funny thing is? People say you can't learn any Japanese from anime or any other form of film/movie from Japan. But just yesterday I recognised one word and that word was "Pervert." That was the first time I understood a single word in the Japanese language. Really shows a lot ab...

Why did the pervert get kicked out of the seafood restaurant?

Because she kept trying to feel everyone's mussels.

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The difference between "sexy" and "perverted"...

Q: What's the difference between "sexy" and "perverted"?

A: It's sexy if a girl let's you watch while she's stimulating her nether parts with a feather. It becomes perverted if there's a bird still attached to the feather...

Strip clubs are deplorable. They're a moral black hole where the worst of the male half come to ogle at objectified naked women and frankly I feel they should be banned and anyone who walks through the door called out as a pervert.

...

But since we're here...

People think I'm a pervert...

People think I'm a pervert because I sleep with a 9 year old. But you have to remember, dog years are 7 times longer than ours.

There’s this homeless vlogger called Nat Holm. He’s absolutely fantastic and shows you how to get the most out of life, even if you’re really poor!

But for some reason, every time I recommend his show to people, they look at me like I’m some massive pervert, and I have no idea why! I guess people are just so pretentious nowadays.

Anyway, go search for “Poor Nat Holm”. I watch “Poor Nat Holm” every day without fail, and I cannot get enou...

Dating Sites are all for Perverts

I was going to join a dating site, but no matter which one I tried I realized pretty quick they were supporting perverts. Disgusting! I mean, right on the form it said: Do you want children?

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Anyone kinkier than you is a pervert...

A newly divorced man was feeling depressed, his wife had left him because he was too kinky in bed for her. He decided to go to the local bar and drink his blues away.
While sitting at the bar, he noticed a pretty lady at the other end, also looking sad. He decided to go chat her up a bit. Much t...

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I'm a pervert that aspires to be a sexual harassment lawyer.

Ok, so I really just want to get myself off in court.

The optimist sees the bagel

The pervert sees the hole

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Why'd the pervert get banned from the board game shop?

No fucking clue

[Long] Tom arrives home to find his notoriously perverted roommate Matt holding a packet of ice to his cheek.

Curious Tom pulls Matts hand away to find that the right side of his face is completely red and swollen.


"Goodness, what happened this time?" He asks.


"I met a hot girl at the bar with a perfect pair of 34 Es. She caught me sneaking a peak a few times." Matt replied.

...

Where does the pervert keep the underwear he steals?

In his briefcase!

Christians are all perverted freaks.

They're all waiting for the second coming of Christ.

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