It's a little known fact that Erwin Schroedinger was wanted for animal cruelty.

Dead and alive.

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A translated joke

A man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.

The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever trash I have lying around".

The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you 10000$!"

The next day another man approaches ...

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Jake went the doctor for manhood problems

Jake went to the doctor and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect:

The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged and there was nothing he could do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment...

Today, I was jailed for animal cruelty for visiting r/Jokes.

They charged me for beating a dead horse.

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Amish Driving

An Amish lady is pulled over .

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return hom...

Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.

Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of ...

Buggy Ride

An Amish woman is driving her horse and buggy down the road when she gets pulled over.

"You have a broken reflector on your buggy," says the cop. "But, more important, one of your reins is looped around that part of the horse that I can't mention. Nevertheless, that's cruelty to animals. Have...

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

Terrible what they do these days

We've been reading in the papers lately about terrible cruelty someone is causing to our winged friends by the shore, as many Pelicans have been found with their beaks cut off.

Police suspect a local bill collector is behind it all.

Did you know that if you put 10,000 monkeys in a room with 10,000 typewriters then....

...... you're a rich, eccentric weirdo who should be prosecuted for animal cruelty.

Keep your eyes out for the early signs of a psychopath:

1) Obsession with setting fires
2) Persistent bedwetting past the age of 5
3) Cruelty to animals
4) Pronouncing "GIF" with a soft "G"

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Jesus comes upon a crowd stoning a harlot...

He was shocked at the cruelty, and he opens his arms wide and yells "STOP!!!" in his booming, godly voice. Everybody pauses and turns, stones in their hands, and Jesus begins to preach.

He preaches about brotherly love, and turning the other cheek. His words are inspiring and the crowd grows ...

An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.

He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.

He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.

When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.

Amish Brakes

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy
when she is pulled over by a cop.

Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you
a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.

Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.
<...

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The Gods decided to create trees...

The land was barren with nothing but muddy ground, rock formations, some small creatures and a pair of humans. So the Gods decided to create 2 trees to live as partners. The female tree was named Eva and the male Lee. As all other forms of life around, the trees were naked.

Eva was not conten...

I'm 100 percent against

animal cruelty. Nothing makes me sadder than when my dog makes fun of me.

A Jewish man traveled to a small mountain island

He was greeted at the harbor by a friendly resident who took him on a tour of the town. As they were walking, they heard a squeal and saw a small furry creature falling down the mountain, tumbling past them before rolling to a stop. The Jewish man looked on in astonishment at this exotic creature. <...

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All women should be prosecuted..

..for animal cruelty, sitting on their pussies all the time.

Johnny is walking home form school...

Johnny is walking home from school. He received a bad grade on a test and then got in trouble at school. Walking up his small farm driveway he knows he is going to be in trouble and is a bad mood.

On his way to the door a chicken walks in front of him. Out of anger Johnny walks over and say...

Man with a beard a 100 years ago: "Ok, I'll go chop down some trees."

Man with beard today: " I found a great face mask that's gluten and cruelty free."

Blind man and a dog walk into a bar

A blind man and his service animal walk into a bar, the man grabs the dog by its tail and begins swinging it around in a wide circle. The bartender, appalled by this display of animal cruelty says "What the HELL do you think you're doing mister?". The blind man replies "Just having a look around."

My wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits

She's got a point, I suppose... I work in a hammer factory.


[Courtesy of Sickipedia](http://www.sickipedia.org/crime/animal-cruelty/the-wifes-insisting-i-quit-my-job-because-she-thinks-1671352#ixzz3wm6CrZd5)

A police officer stops a car...

and asks the driver to show him his driver's license and open the trunk.
In the trunk the cop finds 10 penguins. Really irritated the cop says: "Bring them back to the zoo! This is cruelty!" The driver answers: "Sure. I'm actually on my way to the zoo."
The next day the cop pulls the same car ...

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