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420 Jokes

People always ask me why I celebrate 420 a second time at april 22nd

I just thought, 422 is 420 too

In honor of 420 tomorrow, here's a weed joke.

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

How did Elon Musk celebrate 420?

With SpaceX going up in smoke.

Meme numbers: 69, 420 and...

The OG number: 5318008 ;)

I'm getting tired of the 420 jokes

If I can be blunt about it.

422 = 420

Because 422 is 420 too

What did the llama say at 420

Alpaca bowl

Today I saw a license plate that said 420-fps

Their is no joke I just want to share something cool but I have no friends

In Colorado they took down the mile marker for 420

In Colorado they took down the mile marker sign for 420
They were afraid that the potheads were going to try and steal it.
They replaced it with a mile marker 419.9999 repeating sign
Well this caused the sign to get stolen by the MATH nerds,
who also swiftly stole the cosine and...

Cop: You were going 68 in a 55

Me: Dang, 68? Can you make that number a little higher so I can hear the judge saying it out loud?

Cop: Sure whatever

[Later in traffic court]

Judge: How the hell were you going 420 in a 55?

Ben has 911 candies. He eats 420. What does he have now?

Diabetes.
Ben has diabetes.

What happens on 420 in Saudi Arabia

A lot of people get stoned

Why did the cows go to the Marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

In honor of 420.

My friend told this to me the other day, so I apologize if this is a repost or anything like that.

A man is pulled over for speeding.

Police Officer: Sir, were you aware you were going 68 MPH on a 45?

Man: No sir.

Officer: Well, you were, and that's far too high. You'll have to be in court.

Man: Well, can you at least raise the number a bit so we can get the judge to s...

Just realized that my cake day is 420!

Now that's funny!

In honor of those who have forgotten 4/20

Fret not, cause today is 420 too! Happy earth day

skipping church

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.

As soon as the Associate ...

How does a stoner bake his Christmas ham?

420°, glaze it.

This year, thousands of children made Santa's Naughty List. How many children made the Nice List?

69,420

How many calories are in weed?

About 420/gram

Friend - What is you new year’s resolution?

Me - 420 x 69

What's the highest number in the world?

420

If the Naruto runner isnt in rewind,

420 BILLION DISLIKES

Louis Vuitton bag

Why is it that a French woman never managed to sell a $80 Louis Vuitton bag in the US?

She kept saying it's $420.

Speeding ticket

A man gets pulled over by a policeman.
Policeman: You were going 68 in a 50 zone, I will have to write you a ticket.
Man: Alright, just make the number a little cooler so we can laugh when the judge reads it.

[later in court]
Judge: How the flying Fri...

My Ex told me she had a creeper

I spent over 420 hours watching her house, I still haven't found him

How do you cook a stoned ham?

420℉ Glaze it
Ok I'm leaving

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redditor is being investigated for tax fraud

So he goes to the IRS bar at the bank with his attorney little Johnny.

The tax bartender asks him "you have no marketable skills, how do you make so much money?"

The redditor responds "I tell jokes, want to hear one? If you guess the punch line I'll pay you $69, if not you'll owe me $...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Biggest guy I've ever seen

So I was on my way to the bank to ask for a loan. I got into the elevator and it stops on the second floor. As the doors open a huge man ducks down to get into the elevator. I gulp and attempt to ask what floor? A hand the size of a diner plate reaches over and hits the close door button. This gi...

Three men died and went to heaven

Three men died and went to heaven. Where it has been decreed that each person gets a vehicle according to their deeds.
The first man arrives and god asks "How long were you married for?"
"20 Years" said the first man
"And how many times did you cheat on your wife?" God asked
"Uhh... 5 ti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's common between Hitler and Taco Bell

Both are responsible for gassing lots of people.

_________
Source:


http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/skeh8/taco_bell_on_420/c4eqbvj?context=2

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

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