A glutton, an adulterer, and a stoner are approaching the gates to heaven...

As the sinners stand at the gates, St. Peter addresses them each in turn.

To the glutton he says, "The excess food that you ate could have fed thousands of the poor and starving. You must endure 1,000 years of your sin, only then may you enter the kingdom of God." And so, the glutton found h...

What's a glutton's favorite place to play tennis?

A food court.

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What did the gluttonous homosexual nymphomaniac do on a Friday night?

He had five guys... and then he had Five Guys!

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What's the difference between a homosexual and a glutton?

The former likes five guys, while the latter likes Five Guys.

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A roman, an american, and a jewish man all died.

They were immediately sent to hell because they had committed some pretty unsettling offenses in their lives. The roman was a lustful sex offender, the american was extremely gluttonous, and the Jewish man was very greedy and stole lots of money over his lifetime.

Well, God was feeling pretty...

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The Restaurant in Hell

You die, and in hell, you are sat at a restaurant. A small group of glutton demons come out with your food. They bring out the most juicy, delicious looking steak you have either seen, a 2-inch cut, said to have come from the finest of cow in all the multiverse. On the side are roast potatoes, the p...

Oil

So an 80 yr. old man runs into a hospital with his 20 yr. old wife, and says "Help! My wife is having a baby!" So, they deliver the baby, and then one of the nurses asks the man "How do you still make babies at your age!?" He cooly replies "Just gotta keep the motor running,"
A few months pass a...

A penguin's car breaks down...

...and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with mess...

What do you call someone who has watched all the "Shades of Grey" movies?

A glutton for punishment...

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Tom dies and wakes up in a strange place.

He looks around and sees beautiful surroundings, as if he's at a 5 star resort.

A man in a red outfit walks up to him and says, "Hey buddy, welcome to Hell! I'm the Devil!"

Tom looks around, confused. "Um...I didn't think this was going to be what hell looks like?"

The Devil say...

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Irving visits a nursing home

Irving is a Jewish widower who is getting up in years. His family is worried it may be time for Irving to go to a nursing home. They arrange for him to spend a weekend in a nursing home to see how he adjusts to it.

His eldest son Sheldon takes him to the home on Friday and tells his father he...

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An older guy asks his doctor for tips to maintain health and achieve a longer lifespan.

"Doctor.." said the man, "as you know, I am no longer young. Would you care to give me some tips on maintaining my health so I can live longer?"

The doctor started asking him questions.

"Do you smoke, sir?"

"No, doctor, not anymore. I quit more than 10 years ago."

"Do yo...

What do you call a guy that overeats for the sole purpose of getting stomachaches?

A glutton for punishment.

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