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Wino Jokes

are you sure I'm drunk?

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."

The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah buddy, I'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old winos were talking about the days when they pass...

1st wino says, "If I go first...will you pour some wine over my grave every day?"

2nd wino says, "Sure, you bet! But do you mind if I pass it through my kidneys first??"

A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.

"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."

So the man and his wife hide just be...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A homeless wino went into the doctors office for an infected foot...

The doctor treated the injury, but before letting him go, he asked his patient to stay for a small demonstration.

The doctor brought out a tray, which held a bowl of worms, and two glasses - one full of milk, the other of whiskey.

The doctor set the glasses on the table and told the wi...

A wino walked into a bar one day, and started begging for drinks.

One of the patrons tells him he'll buy the old sot a drink, but first he has to take a drink from the spittoon over in the corner.
The wino is in a bad way, so he takes the guy up on his offer, goes over and picks up the spittoon, raises it to his lips, and starts chugging away.
The guy at the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Woman goes to a tattoo Artist

“On my right inner thigh, I want a tattoo of John Lennon,”she says. “On my left inner thigh I want a tattoo of Paul McCartney.” The tattoo artist agrees to it and they settle on a price and a day to do the piece.

The day finally comes and the woman arrives early. Although she’s super excit...

One downside of teleworking is having to start work early . . .

. . . just to clean up the mess and the empty bottles left last night, by winos partying at my workstation.

A couple has a baby boy born without a body... (A Two-Parter)

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Part 1
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After years of trying to conceive, a couple finally manages to have a baby. However, the baby is born with only a head, with no body, arms, or legs. Despite the setback, the couple set out to raise their child as they would any other.

After ten years of challenging ch...

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor to get her two favorite musicians on her inner thighs...

The tattoo artist finishes up and she is ELATED to see a picture-perfect tattoo of John Lennon on her left inner-thigh and Paul McCartney on her right.

As she walks out, she is so excited to share her new artwork that she goes up to the first person she sees; an old, homeless, wino sitting in...

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