How does a witch make her broom stick?

She doesn't wear panties.

I don’t actually have a joke for you guys, but I do have a really awesome idea for cleaning up the trash on our planet! For one day, every single person in the country grabs a broom and cleans out every dirty corner they can find! It’s become quite popular across the country. You could say it’s...

...sweeping the nation

What is the relation between a broom and an ak-47

Both can be used to sweep a house

Did you hear about the broom that stands up on its own?

It’s sweeping the nation

The invention of the broom

Swept across the nation

TIL if your wife asks you if you know where the broom is...

... it's not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.

How did the broom find a Girlfriend?

He swept her off her feet.

What do you call a potato with a broom ?

A sweep potato.

You’re welcome

Why was the broom late for the meeting?

It overswept.

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A Witness is Testifying in an Assault Case involving a broom

DA: Can you tell us what happened next?

Witness: Ya this guy tried to shove a broom up the other guy's ass!

Judge: Watch your language in my courtroom!

DA: Rectum?

Witness: Rectum!? Damn near killed him!

The shovel is a ground breaking invention, but it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation by storm. However, the invention of the wheel got things rolling...

And I’m just here wondering why our feet smell and our nose run...

A man walks into the house tired from a long day of work, and is suddenly confronted by his wife, who is complaining about the blisters left on her hands from the broom.

The man looks at her and says "couldn't you have just taken the car?"

All maids love their brooms

Well, that's a bit of a sweeping generalisation.

One broom said to the other...

'New brooms are always better than old ones.'

'Wow, that's a sweeping statement.' the other broom replied.

Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day

Husband: Well next time take the car then silly

I’ve never used a broom in my whole life.

I realise this is a sweeping statement

What sound does a witches car make?

Broom broom

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Australian Joke. Lady Customer: "We're off to Perth via Broome"

Me: "Surely you could just catch a plane instead."

Husband next to her loosing his shit laughing

True story

What did the witch say after her broom was stolen?

"Well, good thing I can drive a stick."

Why was the Broom late for work?

Wakka Wakka U?

A man was at the checkout to buy a broom for his house.

He goes up to the cashier and asks if the broom he has is the best one they have. The cashier responds "im not sure i mean a broom is a broom". The man replies "whoa lets not make any sweeping generalizations here"

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

A janitor gets accepted into Nascar

His car goes "Broom, Broom"

I can't decide whether to get this broom or large stepping stool.

I think I'm going to have to go with the ladder.

Have you seen the new brooms at Quality Quidditch Supplies?

They're flying off the shelves!

The Rusky and the Kraut

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (a...

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Two brooms get married...

On their wedding night as they're lying in bed the bride broom tells the groom broom that they can't have sex because she's expecting.

'How can that be,' asked the groom broom, 'we've never swept together.'

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What did Hitler call his broom?

Mein Sweeper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man and woman snuck into the broom closet at the retirement home for a romp...

They undressed and were about to fuck when the woman realized she should warn the man about her heart condition.

"I should tell you, I have acute angina," she said.

"Good," said the man, "because you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen!"

The Power of Words

A soldier in the trenches of WWI had lost his rifle in a previous battle. His sergeant ordered his troops to attack. He didn't move. The sargeant screamed at his soldier. The soldier said, "Sarge! I lost my rifle in the last battle." Sarge looks around and finds a wicker broom. He says, "Point this ...

Did I tell you about the time I was nearly killed with a broom?

It was a brush with death.

A cat died and went to Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”

The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a...

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom Temperature.

What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?

I don't want an automatic! I want a Stickshift!

I put my name into a drawing in order to win a tiny broom used to clean beef.

I hope I win this sweep steaks

My grandpa may be having trouble with his memory, but he still has a great sense of humor. He just told me this one: Why was the broom late for work?

Because 7,8,9

Two brooms were hanging in the closet . . .

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other was the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome a...

Bang bang

‪A man from Poland joins the polish army. As they are passing out rifles, they run out of rifles when they reach him. So they hand him a broomstick handle and say “when you see somebody yell BANG BANG”. In battle the man is running for his life until he gets cornered. He aims his‬ broomstick handle ...

What happens when a witch goes for a race?

Broom Broom

The invention of the broom may have swept the nation...

... but the invention of the Galaxy Note 7 really set the world on fire

Why didn't the witch fall off her broom?

She wasn't wearing underwear

The upstairs neighbors were making a lot of noise one night and my wife says she's going to go get the broom.

To which I reply "Are you going to fly up there and complain?"

Don't get much use out of my broom...

It's just there gathering dust....

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The difference between courage and ballsy

Courage is, when you come home late after a night out with the boys and getting attacked at the door by your wife with a broom and having enough courage to ask her "Are you still cleaning or are you about to go out and fly?"



Ballsy is, when you when you come home late after a night ou...

Husband: Honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen.

The wife: I am coming with the broom.

Husband: It ain't urgent. You can come on foot.

Here's a broom go sweep the floors...

'Here's a broom go sweep the floors.'

'But I have a PhD...'

'Oh, I'm sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done.'

Why did Harry Potter use so much Gold Bond when he got off his broom?

Quiddichin




I'll see myself out.

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away the tiny broom.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

How the Canadians prepare their army

A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and...

A witch and her friend enter a race. When they get there, the witch’s ride is already there waiting for her. “Huh” the witch’s friend says. “I didn’t know you drive a stick.”

“It’s a broom, actually.” She says.

A Christmas Story

One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Cla...

BRIDE & BROOM

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

Two brooms got married...

So these two brooms had just gotten married, and they're sitting at the wedding party's table in the banquet hall enjoying dinner. The bride-broom leans over to the groom-broom and says, "You know...I was going to wait until our honey-broom to tell you this but... well... let me just ask you this: ...

Why did the guy kick the broom out of his house?

It swept with his girlfriend :P

Why dont witches wear panties?

So they can grip their broom better.


I know,I know.I posted this a few weeks back but because Halloween is coming up I thought maybe you might want to pass this around the office,bar,whatever.

Why did the broom take a nap?

It was sweepy. ಠ\_ಠ

They launched a ride share app for witches...

It's called BroomService

What did the mommy broom say to the baby broom?

Time to go to sweep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 8-year-old knocks on the door of a brothel...

The Madam opens it up, looks down and sees the kid. “What do you want?”

The kid says, “I wanna get laid!”

The Madam says, “Yeah, come back in ten years.”

“But I wanna get laid.”

The Madam bends down and says, “Kid, get out of here, come back in ten years. Tell you what, g...

Two neighbors are talking

One of them is just a simple worker,lives on the second floor, and has been married for 3 years, and has 4 kids.

The other is a cop,lives on the first floor. and has been married for 11 years with no kids.

The cop asks the worker:

"How come you've only been married for 3 years, ...

A young, poor boy approaches a cheesemaker...

A young, poor boy approaches a cheesemaker.

"Sir, I am very hungry. I am willing to clean your entire cheese shop for a pound of cheddar. "

The cheesemaker thinks for a moment, decides, and nods. "Forthwith!"

The little boy grabs a broom and vigilantly begins cleaning. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."

And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when ...

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip.


Happy Halloween :)

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The difference between having guts and having balls!

Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The difference between "guts" and "balls" according to the British military.

There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”, according to the British military. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal...

What do Janitors bikes sound like?

"Broom"

My Lord, the Savior

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.
He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got my wife a birthday present.

So I told my wife I got her something long, hard and takes two hands to handle.

She says, “Oh wow!”

I hand her a new broom.

I am now recovering in the hospital after having a broom handle removed from my rectum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asked a student, “Do you know the alphabet?”

The kid said no so the teacher said, “Well, tomorrow you gonna have to say the alphabet to me.”
The kid went home and asked his mom, “Mom, what’s the 1st letter of the alphabet?” His mom responded, “Sshhh I’m on the phone.”
The kid asked his dad, “Dad, what is the 2nd letter of the alpha...

What do you tell two people who want to sweep together?

Get a broom!

An American soldier

is fighting in Germany in World War II. The battle is so intense, men are dropping everywhere. Finally, the Americans run out of ammunition. In a panic, a soldier approaches his Sergeant. "Sarge, we're out of ammo! What are we going to do?" The Sergeant looks around, and all he can find is a broom. ...

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