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Broom Jokes

Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day

Husband: Well next time take the car then silly

Broom Bride

Two brooms were hanging in the closet.....

after a while they got to know each other so well,

they decided to get married.

One broom was,

of course,

the bride broom,

the other,

the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white...

When four of Santa's elves got sick...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Christmas pressure.

Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When went to harness the reindeer, he fou...

What noise does a flying broom make?

*Broom broom*

Scientist keep finding broom sticks all over beaches.

Due to sand-witches

The new broom

Mom: "honey, I didn't see you use the super broom I bought you last year once....have you used it at all?"

Dad: "no I haven't needed to, it's doing its job perfectly where it is."

Mom: "what do you mean it's doing its job, you haven't even touched it for a whole year......?!?"

D...

why do witches only fly on brooms?

vacuum cleaners are too heavy

Why does the witch ride her broom without any underwear?

For a better grip.

Husband: Honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen:Wife: I am coming with the broom.

Husband: It isn't urgent. You can come on foot

Broom girl to broom boyfriend: “sweetie, I’m pregnant…”

Broom boyfriend: But that’s impossible! We haven’t even swept together!

The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking,

but the invention of the broom swept the nation.

When don't you disturb a broom

When it's sweeping.

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan?

You take away its broom.

How does a witch make her broom stick?

She doesn't wear panties.

One broom said to the other...

'New brooms are always better than old ones.'

'Wow, that's a sweeping statement.' the other broom replied.

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom Temperature.

I had to quit a broom factory

Because it really swept me away

what did the angry witch do while riding her broom?

She flew off the handle.

The broom and dust pan will be kept in the hall closet from now on...

...and I'm considering other sweeping changes around here.

What did the broom say when they were ready for bed?

I'm sweepy!

Mommy broom and her child

Mommy broom and her child are walking outside.

Child: "Mom, how did dad and you make me?"

Mom: "Oh, we swept together."

Why was the broom late?

Well because it over-swept

A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.

She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"

Have you heard of the movie about the broom?

It's sweeping the nation.

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Mrs O'Malley, who lived in a seaside town, was continually annoyed by the seagulls...

[NSFW]

Mrs O'Malley, who lived in a seaside town, was continually annoyed by the seagulls that would roost on her roof and leave their smelly droppings on her rose bushes.

One day, seeing a flock of them through her front window, she charged out of her front door waving her broom wildl...

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Two brooms get married...

On their wedding night as they're lying in bed the bride broom tells the groom broom that they can't have sex because she's expecting.

'How can that be,' asked the groom broom, 'we've never swept together.'

TIL if your wife asks you if you know where the broom is...

... it's not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.

Why was the Broom late for work?

Wakka Wakka U?

"Here's a broom go and sweep the floors."

"But I have a PhD..."

"Oh sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done."

How did the broom find a Girlfriend?

He swept her off her feet.

All maids love their brooms

Well, that's a bit of a sweeping generalisation.

Why dont witches wear underwear

To get a better grip on there brooms

What do you call a potato with a broom ?

A sweep potato.

You’re welcome

I’ve never used a broom in my whole life.

I realise this is a sweeping statement

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An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the large, muscular, Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

To the slightly less muscular but still large Italian man, he says, "You're in charge of sweeping."

And to the skinny Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of...

What is the relation between a broom and an ak-47

Both can be used to sweep a house

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What did Hitler call his broom?

Mein Sweeper

BRIDE & BROOM

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

What did the witch say after her broom was stolen?

"Well, good thing I can drive a stick."

Did I tell you about the time I was nearly killed with a broom?

It was a brush with death.

You know those brooms they ride around on in Harry Potter? How much do they cost?

About a quid each...

What did the broom say to the dustpan?

Get down on the floor and let me put this in you.

My friend spoke to me today, and insisted that all brooms are the same...

I always hated those sweeping generalizations.

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Australian Joke. Lady Customer: "We're off to Perth via Broome"

Me: "Surely you could just catch a plane instead."

Husband next to her loosing his shit laughing

True story

A man was at the checkout to buy a broom for his house.

He goes up to the cashier and asks if the broom he has is the best one they have. The cashier responds "im not sure i mean a broom is a broom". The man replies "whoa lets not make any sweeping generalizations here"

Don't get much use out of my broom...

It's just there gathering dust....

Two brooms got married...

So these two brooms had just gotten married, and they're sitting at the wedding party's table in the banquet hall enjoying dinner. The bride-broom leans over to the groom-broom and says, "You know...I was going to wait until our honey-broom to tell you this but... well... let me just ask you this: ...

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A man inherited a farm and decided to remodel it...

He had a great business idea. Turn it into a country vacation destination. Tours for kids, horseback and wagon rides. Learn to milk cows the old fashioned way. Eat fresh farm raised food... Well, he encountered one problem.

There was an ornery old rooster that didn't like strangers hanging a...

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"Captain, I've lost my rifle!"

A group of soldiers are preparing for an attack from the enemy, when a private walks up to the captain and says "Captain, I've lost my rifle! What do I do?"

The captain thinks for a moment, then grabs a broom and hands it to the private.
He says "If any enemies show themselves, just point ...

Have you seen the new brooms at Quality Quidditch Supplies?

They're flying off the shelves!

[Long]A squad of soldiers-in-training stood in line to get their practice weapons...

...for an upcoming simulated battle. As the last guy got up to the sergeant, the sergeant said, “sorry son, we’re all out. Take this broom instead.” The private looked puzzled so the sergeant explained, “When you see the enemy, point the broom at them and say ‘bangity, bangity, bang.’ Don’t worry, i...

I can't decide whether to get this broom or large stepping stool.

I think I'm going to have to go with the ladder.

The invention of the broom may have swept the nation...

... but the invention of the Galaxy Note 7 really set the world on fire

Why did the broom take a nap?

It was sweepy. ಠ\_ಠ

What sound does a witches vehicle make?

BROOM BROOM

Why did the guy kick the broom out of his house?

It swept with his girlfriend :P

Generous Scottish Woman

One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth.

Once inside the house, he complain...

Here's one for you recent graduates.

A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.

"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."

The grad looks at ...

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An old man and woman snuck into the broom closet at the retirement home for a romp...

They undressed and were about to fuck when the woman realized she should warn the man about her heart condition.

"I should tell you, I have acute angina," she said.

"Good," said the man, "because you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen!"

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The difference between "guts" and "balls" according to the British military.

There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”, according to the British military. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal...

What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?

I don't want an automatic! I want a Stickshift!

Why did the sweeping brush stay indoors?

Cos it wanted to stay at broom temperature!

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'l...

Take it for a ride, honey...

Last year I bought my wife a new broom for Valentine's Day. She was so mad she wouldn't even take it for a ride!

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This joke made me chuckle

A Chinese guy, an Italian and an Irishman arrived for their first day working on a construction site and reported to the foreman's office.

The foreman pointed to a huge pile of sand and said, "I want you three guys to make a huge dent in that sandpile there!"

The foreman then grabbed t...

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The New Cowboy

Young man is on his first cattle drive, new to being a cowboy. Chow time, all the men are sitting around the campfire, new cowboy asks, "So what do we do for fun?' One of the old hands tells him, "Well, it's dark and nobody around - just go find yourself a stump and fuck the hell out of it."
<...

Why did Harry Potter use so much Gold Bond when he got off his broom?

Quiddichin




I'll see myself out.

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip.


Happy Halloween :)

I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations

but all brooms are pretty much the same.

The upstairs neighbors were making a lot of noise one night and my wife says she's going to go get the broom.

To which I reply "Are you going to fly up there and complain?"

A History of Mazda

(I hope this isn't technically a Rule 6 violation)

Mazda is suffering in car sales, and so begins some new lines of products and tag lines.

They get into gardening, bloom bloom,

The military, boom boom,

Condoms, coom coom,

Textiles, loom loom,

Psychedelics,...

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A classic joke from my childhood.

There is the private in the army. On the day before he was about to be sent to the front lines, he has to visit the quartermasters and get issued his weapons.

Unfortunately, he overslept and ended up being very last in line. When he finally made it to the desk, the gun master regretted to inf...

A Farmer leaves his farm in the care of the farmhand

A farmer has to travel for a week, so he leaves his farm in the care of his farmhand. Before he goes, he instructs him: 'Do not call me for every little issue or problem you have. Only if it's a big issue, contact me!'

Four days pass and the farmhand calls him at his hotel: "Boss, the broom ...

Budget cuts in the Army

It was near the end of basic training and all the soldiers were getting ready for the war games.
A private came charging into his Lieutenant's office and said " Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. What am I going to use for the war games?"
"I don't have time to deal with this right now" the lieutenan...

What happens when a witch breaks the sound barrier?

You hear a sonic broom.

I put my name into a drawing in order to win a tiny broom used to clean beef.

I hope I win this sweep steaks

My grandpa may be having trouble with his memory, but he still has a great sense of humor. He just told me this one: Why was the broom late for work?

Because 7,8,9

The Rusky and the Kraut

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (a...

How did German men pick up Jewish women in the 1940s?

With a dustpan and broom.

The shovel is a ground breaking invention, but it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation by storm. However, the invention of the wheel got things rolling...

And I’m just here wondering why our feet smell and our nose run...

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

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