An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of s...

Mommy broom and her child

Mommy broom and her child are walking outside.

Child: "Mom, how did dad and you make me?"

Mom: "Oh, we swept together."

Why was the broom late?

Well because it over-swept

The Streetcleaners Union is petitioning to double the width of their brooms.

They're demanding broad sweeping reform.

Wife: "Have you seen the broom ?

Me: " Why!! Are you going somewhere?"

When you think of it, invention of the shovel was groundbreaking

But it was the invention of the broom that swept the nation.

Have you heard of the movie about the broom?

It's sweeping the nation.

Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day

Husband: Well next time take the car then silly

Why don't witches wear underwear?

To have a better grip on the broom.

"Here's a broom go and sweep the floors."

"But I have a PhD..."

"Oh sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done."

My friend spoke to me today, and insisted that all brooms are the same...

I always hated those sweeping generalizations.

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

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A classic joke from my childhood.

There is the private in the army. On the day before he was about to be sent to the front lines, he has to visit the quartermasters and get issued his weapons.

Unfortunately, he overslept and ended up being very last in line. When he finally made it to the desk, the gun master regretted to inf...

You know those brooms they ride around on in Harry Potter? How much do they cost?

About a quid each...

I don’t actually have a joke for you guys, but I do have a really awesome idea for cleaning up the trash on our planet! For one day, every single person in the country grabs a broom and cleans out every dirty corner they can find! It’s become quite popular across the country. You could say it’s...

...sweeping the nation

What does a witches car sound like?

BROOM BROOM

I’ve never used a broom in my whole life.

I realise this is a sweeping statement

One broom said to the other...

'New brooms are always better than old ones.'

'Wow, that's a sweeping statement.' the other broom replied.

What did the broom say to the dustpan?

Get down on the floor and let me put this in you.

What is the relation between a broom and an ak-47

Both can be used to sweep a house

What do you call a potato with a broom ?

A sweep potato.

You’re welcome

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A Witness is Testifying in an Assault Case involving a broom

DA: Can you tell us what happened next?

Witness: Ya this guy tried to shove a broom up the other guy's ass!

Judge: Watch your language in my courtroom!

DA: Rectum?

Witness: Rectum!? Damn near killed him!

TIL if your wife asks you if you know where the broom is...

... it's not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.

How did the broom find a Girlfriend?

He swept her off her feet.

The shovel is a ground breaking invention, but it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation by storm. However, the invention of the wheel got things rolling...

And I’m just here wondering why our feet smell and our nose run...

A man was at the checkout to buy a broom for his house.

He goes up to the cashier and asks if the broom he has is the best one they have. The cashier responds "im not sure i mean a broom is a broom". The man replies "whoa lets not make any sweeping generalizations here"

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Australian Joke. Lady Customer: "We're off to Perth via Broome"

Me: "Surely you could just catch a plane instead."

Husband next to her loosing his shit laughing

True story

All maids love their brooms

Well, that's a bit of a sweeping generalisation.

Did I tell you about the time I was nearly killed with a broom?

It was a brush with death.

What did the witch say after her broom was stolen?

"Well, good thing I can drive a stick."

How come witches fly solo?

Because there's no broom left for anyone else.

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Two brooms get married...

On their wedding night as they're lying in bed the bride broom tells the groom broom that they can't have sex because she's expecting.

'How can that be,' asked the groom broom, 'we've never swept together.'

Have you seen the new brooms at Quality Quidditch Supplies?

They're flying off the shelves!

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Mid 1800's, a Native American man leaves his people for the first time.

After a few day of wondering, he came across this small town. In this town was a saloon/brothel.

Upon entering the saloon, a lady of the night approached the traveler. "You look new to these parts honey."

"Mmm," say the traveler.

"Well, let me tell you all about our special," ...

Two brooms were hanging in the closet . . .

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other was the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome a...

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My wife was about to go into town and she said

..."I've got a new broom in the back of the car"

To which I replied: "No, I think you ought to drive"

(short pause)

wife: "You bugger!"

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An old man and woman snuck into the broom closet at the retirement home for a romp...

They undressed and were about to fuck when the woman realized she should warn the man about her heart condition.

"I should tell you, I have acute angina," she said.

"Good," said the man, "because you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen!"

My grandpa may be having trouble with his memory, but he still has a great sense of humor. He just told me this one: Why was the broom late for work?

Because 7,8,9

How do you clean Disney World?

With an Orlando Broom.

Why didn't the witch fall off her broom?

She wasn't wearing underwear

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom Temperature.

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What did Hitler call his broom?

Mein Sweeper

A gorilla in a zoo was depressed.

The veterinarian tells the zookeeper "She is in heat and she really needs to be bred".

The zookeeper says "we don't have a male gorilla. I'm not sure...."

About that time a janitor walks by pushing a broom so the zookeeper pulls the elderly man to the side.

"Sir, would you mate ...

What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?

I don't want an automatic! I want a Stickshift!

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones,

Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows w...

The invention of the broom may have swept the nation...

... but the invention of the Galaxy Note 7 really set the world on fire

In the time of the Holy Roman Empire

There was a chronic shortage of hay with which to feed the Army's horses. So much so that the Emperor issued a mandate that restricted its use, even going as far as cutting in half the width of all brooms.

This became standard use and over time no one questioned it. With the exception of lowl...

The upstairs neighbors were making a lot of noise one night and my wife says she's going to go get the broom.

To which I reply "Are you going to fly up there and complain?"

Don't get much use out of my broom...

It's just there gathering dust....

I put my name into a drawing in order to win a tiny broom used to clean beef.

I hope I win this sweep steaks

Why did Harry Potter use so much Gold Bond when he got off his broom?

Quiddichin




I'll see myself out.

Why did the broom take a nap?

It was sweepy. ಠ\_ಠ

Why did the guy kick the broom out of his house?

It swept with his girlfriend :P

Two brooms got married...

So these two brooms had just gotten married, and they're sitting at the wedding party's table in the banquet hall enjoying dinner. The bride-broom leans over to the groom-broom and says, "You know...I was going to wait until our honey-broom to tell you this but... well... let me just ask you this: ...

Boss: Take this broom and go sweep the hallways!

Employee: But I'm a college graduate!
Boss: Great! Then I should only have to explain this just once.

BRIDE & BROOM

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

A cat died and went to Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”

The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a...

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My wife came into the bedroom and I said she wanted to have sex

I told her "no chance tonight I've got a headache" and rolled over.
She left the room and went downstairs.
She came back into the bedroom and started prodding me in the lower back with the hilt of a broom

I asked "why are you poking me with that"

She responded " this is what you ...

How do you keep Canadian bacon from curling in you frying pan?

Take away their little brooms.

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said "Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”

“But I'm a college graduate!” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that" said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I...

What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?

KA-BROOM!

Husband: Honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen.

The wife: I am coming with the broom.

Husband: It ain't urgent. You can come on foot.

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip.


Happy Halloween :)

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

Zoo

I bought my wife a 'zoo-keeper experience' for her birthday. She really enjoyed it up until the part where they scrubbed her down with a broom and a hose.

It's amazing to me how much demand there is right now for custodial services!

Business is brooming!

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Being late in war is a bad thing

So this guy joins the army, is always the last one for everything. Gets to the armory for his rifle and they tell him they ran out, the guy hands him a broomstick and the private asks “what am I going to do with this?” Gunny looks at him and says “just say bang bang bang every time you shoot”.
<...

The Rusky and the Kraut

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.

"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."

"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (a...

A janitor gets accepted into Nascar

His car goes "Broom, Broom"

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The difference between "guts" and "balls" according to the British military.

There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”, according to the British military. We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal...

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

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An 8-year-old knocks on the door of a brothel...

The Madam opens it up, looks down and sees the kid. “What do you want?”

The kid says, “I wanna get laid!”

The Madam says, “Yeah, come back in ten years.”

“But I wanna get laid.”

The Madam bends down and says, “Kid, get out of here, come back in ten years. Tell you what, g...

How the Canadians prepare their army

A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and...

The Power of Words

A soldier in the trenches of WWI had lost his rifle in a previous battle. His sergeant ordered his troops to attack. He didn't move. The sargeant screamed at his soldier. The soldier said, "Sarge! I lost my rifle in the last battle." Sarge looks around and finds a wicker broom. He says, "Point this ...

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