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Broom Jokes

When four of Santa's elves got sick...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Christmas pressure.

Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When went to harness the reindeer, he fou...

Husband: honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen.

Wife: it's okay, dear. I'll be there with a broom.
Husband: it's not an emergency. You can come on foot.

Broom Bride

Two brooms were hanging in the closet.....

after a while they got to know each other so well,

they decided to get married.

One broom was,

of course,

the bride broom,

the other,

the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white...

Take it for a ride, honey...

Last year I bought my wife a new broom for Valentine's Day. She was so mad she wouldn't even take it for a ride!

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My favorite joke for my cake day

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Japanese man are hired at a construction site.
The foreman says to the Italian "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Asian "You're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while."
Later when...

The new broom

Mom: "honey, I didn't see you use the super broom I bought you last year once....have you used it at all?"

Dad: "no I haven't needed to, it's doing its job perfectly where it is."

Mom: "what do you mean it's doing its job, you haven't even touched it for a whole year......?!?"

D...

What sound does a witches vehicle make?

BROOM BROOM

The broom and dust pan will be kept in the hall closet from now on...

...and I'm considering other sweeping changes around here.

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The Russian conscript

Ivan had just been conscripted to fight in Ukraine. As part of his basic training he had to participate in a war game. The day of the war game, Ivan realised he had misplaced his rifle, so he went to his Lieutenant: “ Lieutenant, I lost my rifle. What am I going to use for the war games?”
“I don’...

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Words

There is a great distinction between the words **Guts** and **Balls**...

But few people can tell what the difference between them is.

To clarify:

**GUTS** – Is arriving home late, after a night out with your mates, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask...

A cat died and went to Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”

The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a...

A witch was flying on her broom when she noticed that all the witches she passed were flying on vacuum cleaners.

She thought to herself, "Am I the only one who still drives a stick?"

Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day

Husband: Well next time take the car then silly

How do you get Canadian bacon to stop curling in the pan?

You take away the broom.

A new Russian "recruit" goes to the Armory to get his weapons.

The armorer looks around, and seeing there are no guns left, hand the soldier a broomstick.

"But Comrade!" complains the recruit. "The enemy have real guns! How will this help me?"

The armorer says to him, "Just point this at them and say 'Bang Bang Bang!' It will work."

"But ...

A Farmer leaves his farm in the care of the farmhand

A farmer has to travel for a week, so he leaves his farm in the care of his farmhand. Before he goes, he instructs him: 'Do not call me for every little issue or problem you have. Only if it's a big issue, contact me!'

Four days pass and the farmhand calls him at his hotel: "Boss, the broom ...

Why don't witches wear panties?

So they can get a better grip on the broom.

why do witches only fly on brooms?

vacuum cleaners are too heavy

what did the angry witch do while riding her broom?

She flew off the handle.

An usher was cleaning out a theater after a show in the late sixties.

Walking into the theater the usher noticed a hippy was laying passed out, sprawled across several rows of chairs.

"Hey! You can't be here, shows over." He poked the hippy with his broom. The hippy groaned. "You gotta go man. Shows over."

The hippy just moaned, and the usher took pity o...

When you think of it, invention of the shovel was groundbreaking

But it was the invention of the broom that swept the nation.

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An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the large, muscular, Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

To the slightly less muscular but still large Italian man, he says, "You're in charge of sweeping."

And to the skinny Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of...

What did the broom say when they were ready for bed?

I'm sweepy!

What happens when a witch breaks the sound barrier?

You hear a sonic broom.

When don't you disturb a broom

When it's sweeping.

A History of Mazda

(I hope this isn't technically a Rule 6 violation)

Mazda is suffering in car sales, and so begins some new lines of products and tag lines.

They get into gardening, bloom bloom,

The military, boom boom,

Condoms, coom coom,

Textiles, loom loom,

Psychedelics,...

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'l...

I had to quit a broom factory

Because it really swept me away

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom temperature

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A classic joke from my childhood.

There is the private in the army. On the day before he was about to be sent to the front lines, he has to visit the quartermasters and get issued his weapons.

Unfortunately, he overslept and ended up being very last in line. When he finally made it to the desk, the gun master regretted to inf...

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

Broom girl to broom boyfriend: “sweetie, I’m pregnant…”

Broom boyfriend: But that’s impossible! We haven’t even swept together!

What's another name for a Pore vacuum?

A broom and a dustpan!

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

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My wife came into the bedroom and I said she wanted to have sex

I told her "no chance tonight I've got a headache" and rolled over.
She left the room and went downstairs.
She came back into the bedroom and started prodding me in the lower back with the hilt of a broom

I asked "why are you poking me with that"

She responded " this is what you ...

Newly Married Couple from honeymoon

A newly-married couple came home from their honeymoon and moved into the upstairs apartment they'd rented from the groom's parents.

That night, the father of the groom was awakened from his sleep by his wife.

"Tony, listen!" she whispered. He listened. Upstairs, the bed was creaking in...

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Mid 1800's, a Native American man leaves his people for the first time.

After a few day of wondering, he came across this small town. In this town was a saloon/brothel.

Upon entering the saloon, a lady of the night approached the traveler. "You look new to these parts honey."

"Mmm," say the traveler.

"Well, let me tell you all about our special," ...

Generous Scottish Woman

One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth.

Once inside the house, he complain...

Wife: "Have you seen the broom ?

Me: " Why!! Are you going somewhere?"

Mommy broom and her child

Mommy broom and her child are walking outside.

Child: "Mom, how did dad and you make me?"

Mom: "Oh, we swept together."

How come witches fly solo?

Because there's no broom left for anyone else.

Have you heard of the movie about the broom?

It's sweeping the nation.

One broom said to the other...

'New brooms are always better than old ones.'

'Wow, that's a sweeping statement.' the other broom replied.

A gorilla in a zoo was depressed.

The veterinarian tells the zookeeper "She is in heat and she really needs to be bred".

The zookeeper says "we don't have a male gorilla. I'm not sure...."

About that time a janitor walks by pushing a broom so the zookeeper pulls the elderly man to the side.

"Sir, would you mate ...

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An 8-year-old knocks on the door of a brothel...

The Madam opens it up, looks down and sees the kid. “What do you want?”

The kid says, “I wanna get laid!”

The Madam says, “Yeah, come back in ten years.”

“But I wanna get laid.”

The Madam bends down and says, “Kid, get out of here, come back in ten years. Tell you what, g...

Why was the broom late?

Well because it over-swept

I don't mean to make sweeping generalizations

but all brooms are pretty much the same.

Did I tell you about the time I was nearly killed with a broom?

It was a brush with death.

You know those brooms they ride around on in Harry Potter? How much do they cost?

About a quid each...

TIL if your wife asks you if you know where the broom is...

... it's not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.

What is the relation between a broom and an ak-47

Both can be used to sweep a house

My friend spoke to me today, and insisted that all brooms are the same...

I always hated those sweeping generalizations.

I don’t actually have a joke for you guys, but I do have a really awesome idea for cleaning up the trash on our planet! For one day, every single person in the country grabs a broom and cleans out every dirty corner they can find! It’s become quite popular across the country. You could say it’s...

...sweeping the nation

What do you call a potato with a broom ?

A sweep potato.

You’re welcome

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A Witness is Testifying in an Assault Case involving a broom

DA: Can you tell us what happened next?

Witness: Ya this guy tried to shove a broom up the other guy's ass!

Judge: Watch your language in my courtroom!

DA: Rectum?

Witness: Rectum!? Damn near killed him!

I’ve never used a broom in my whole life.

I realise this is a sweeping statement

A man was at the checkout to buy a broom for his house.

He goes up to the cashier and asks if the broom he has is the best one they have. The cashier responds "im not sure i mean a broom is a broom". The man replies "whoa lets not make any sweeping generalizations here"

How did the broom find a Girlfriend?

He swept her off her feet.

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Australian Joke. Lady Customer: "We're off to Perth via Broome"

Me: "Surely you could just catch a plane instead."

Husband next to her loosing his shit laughing

True story

My grandpa may be having trouble with his memory, but he still has a great sense of humor. He just told me this one: Why was the broom late for work?

Because 7,8,9

What did the witch say after her broom was stolen?

"Well, good thing I can drive a stick."

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Two brooms get married...

On their wedding night as they're lying in bed the bride broom tells the groom broom that they can't have sex because she's expecting.

'How can that be,' asked the groom broom, 'we've never swept together.'

All maids love their brooms

Well, that's a bit of a sweeping generalisation.

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"Captain, I've lost my rifle!"

A group of soldiers are preparing for an attack from the enemy, when a private walks up to the captain and says "Captain, I've lost my rifle! What do I do?"

The captain thinks for a moment, then grabs a broom and hands it to the private.
He says "If any enemies show themselves, just point ...

What did the broom say to the dustpan?

Get down on the floor and let me put this in you.

The shovel is a ground breaking invention, but it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation by storm. However, the invention of the wheel got things rolling...

And I’m just here wondering why our feet smell and our nose run...

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What did Hitler call his broom?

Mein Sweeper

I can't decide whether to get this broom or large stepping stool.

I think I'm going to have to go with the ladder.

Have you seen the new brooms at Quality Quidditch Supplies?

They're flying off the shelves!

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An old man and woman snuck into the broom closet at the retirement home for a romp...

They undressed and were about to fuck when the woman realized she should warn the man about her heart condition.

"I should tell you, I have acute angina," she said.

"Good," said the man, "because you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen!"

Why did the guy kick the broom out of his house?

It swept with his girlfriend :P

Why did the broom take a nap?

It was sweepy. ಠ\_ಠ

What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?

I don't want an automatic! I want a Stickshift!

Don't get much use out of my broom...

It's just there gathering dust....

I put my name into a drawing in order to win a tiny broom used to clean beef.

I hope I win this sweep steaks

The invention of the broom may have swept the nation...

... but the invention of the Galaxy Note 7 really set the world on fire

The upstairs neighbors were making a lot of noise one night and my wife says she's going to go get the broom.

To which I reply "Are you going to fly up there and complain?"

Why did Harry Potter use so much Gold Bond when he got off his broom?

Quiddichin




I'll see myself out.

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