Do you know about the female cow that always messed up?

Her name was miss steak

What happened to the blind Rabbi who messed up the circumcision?

He got the sack.

A poor cowboy needs a horse.

He buys the only horse he could afford, one that has its commands messed up.

"He'll go when you say 'whoa!' and stop when you say 'giddy up!'" instructs the seller.

The cowboy sets off riding the horse, feeling silly for saying 'whoa'. As he rides further, he sees an upcoming cliff. He...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got the words “jacuzzi” and “yakuza” messed up

Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia

The French chef's apprentice really messed up when he dropped an ostrich egg on the floor.

Big ouef

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife was in bed, naked with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

The husband lurched into the bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wi...

Moth Inspector

A man and a woman are getting it on in bed when they hear the front door open. The woman says, "It's my husband! You'd better hide."
She throws his clothes under the bed and he hides behind the curtains. Her husband comes in, sees her all hot and sweaty, and the sheets all messed up. He looks ...

My wife texted me on a cold winter morning...

My wife texted me on a cold winter morning, saying "Windows frozen, won't open. "

I texted her back, "gently pour some hot water along the edges, and tap it with a hammer. "

After a few minutes she texted back, "computer is really messed up now. "

This feline messed up my clothes

What a catastrophe!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There so much messed up kinds of porn these days

What's the world coming to?

If I got $100 for every time I messed up a great opportunity with a question...

I would be asking who is giving me the money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job advertisement

A company was searching for someone to pack items. The only requirement for the job was to be able to count to ten.

The first applicant comes in and is asked to count to ten.

>10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1

Well, that's backwards. Can you also do it in the correct ord...

Today I messed up my signature on a cheque.

It isn't a good sign.

If I ever find the guy who messed up my limb transplants,

I'm going to kill him with my bear hands.

I was so angry the doctor messed up my lobotomy.

I gave him a piece of my mind.

What do you call Cheerios that messed around behind their boyfriend's back?

Cheatos

If I had a dollar for every time I messed up the punchline

To get to the other side

My children messed up the furniture...

when i got home from work i said "Oh how the tables have turned..."

I think Samsung has messed up with my new phone's shipment.

I had booked a Galaxy Note ''S7'', not C4.

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

I messed up during a guitar recital.

I didn't think it was a big deal, bit it turned out to a A Major mistake...

I got called a misogynist today which is messed up

Because I love getting massages.

I just prefer getting them from men because they’re better at it

My friend said my taste in dark humor is really messed up.

I think he's just racist; Pryor, Rock, and Chappelle are legends.

Agency: "Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements.

How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

1. If they are counting the bricks, put them in Accounts departmen...

My mate asked me to untangle his earphones but I messed them up even more.

I was knot helping.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to make a messed up joke even more messed up by changing the tone of a single word:

Version 1:
Q: What's the difference between my sister and a pigeon?
A: The pigeon died after I fucked it.

Version 2:
Q: What's the difference between my sister and a pigeon?
A: The pigeon died AFTER I fucked it.

Now That's A Good Date

These three women were roommates. One night they all had all gone out on dates and they all came home at about the same time.

The first one said, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."

The second one said, "No, you know you've been on a ...

I used to hate it when people slightly messed up proverbs...

But I guess it's no use crying over spoiled milk.

Why is Owen Wilson’s nose all messed up?

He KaCHOO’ed too hard!

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