UPJOKE
pressbench pressbodybuildingwork outbarbellsnatchcleanweightmilitary pressweightliftingweight-liftexercisemusclebuildingweightlifteroppress

Weightlift Jokes

What’s the difference between a really strong weightlifter and a really, really, really strong weightlifter?

Repetitions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around,

that they offered a standing $1,000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.

Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshore...

What did the weightlifter say when he ran out of protein supplement?

No whey

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a weightlifter and a redittor?

A weightlifter cleans and jerks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Olympic Weightlifting joke

Why would you want to date a weightlifter over a powerlifter?

The weightlifter has a good clean, jerk, and has an incredible snatch!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female weightlifter goes to the doc’s….

"I've been taking steroids, & now I've grown a cock"

"Anabolic" says the Doctor

"No just a penis!"

I feel really bad for the Mexican Olympian disqualified from weightlifting for excessive use of protein.

They told him, "No whey, José."

A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke sir, you should ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it called when a weightlifter drives a hearse?

Deadlyfting.

Weightlifting really changed my life, i dropped 50 pounds

Straight on my foot, can barely walk now

Weightlifting is a tough sport

Others set the bar very high

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What exercise can Olympic weightlifters still practice in the shower?

The Clean and Jerk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What event does a weightlifter with a masturbation addiction and fast recharge rate do.

The clean and jerk.

What is a British weightlifter's favorite thing for lunch?

Jacked potatoes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't get the point of weightlifting competitions

If I wanted to see a bunch of buff guys doing something I'll never be able do I'd just watch porn.

Weightlifting forums are the worst when it comes to getting information and advice on protein.

There's always some meathead a-hole that has to whey in.

They say weightlifting can lead to disembowelment ..

But I think it really shows guts

LPT: When weightlifting, always have a friend videotape it.

Because the camera always adds 10 pounds.

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My weightlifting trainer told me the key is "If it burns, it grows"

So I lit my cock on fire

A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength...

So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.

I before e

Except for when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to see the doctor with complaints of a low sex drive.

She tells the Dr “My husband wants me to get medicine so I’ll want sex as much as he does”, Doc tell her no problem he will give her the same hormone pills the Olympic weightlifting team uses . He confidently explains, “all of them want to have sex multiple times a day”

2 months later the wom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Take that back Olympics

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back....

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is...

A 60 year old man named Bill goes to get his physical.

When his doctor is finished, he shakes his head. "Bill, you're a 60 year old man, you have the body of a guy in his 40's. You're in better health than most patients I see. I have to ask - how old was your dad when he died?"

"WHAT?", Bill bellows, "Who says Dad's dead?" The doctor starts t...

First time posting here, don't know if blonde jokes are appreciated

A blind cowboy walks into a bar, without knowing it's an only women's bar and says "anyone here wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bartender replies "since you're blind I'll fill you in on something. I'm a blonde woman and I've got a gun next to me, the woman to your right is the national judo ch...

A bad Feghoot

There's a big casino nearby a big law firm. On Thursday night the lawyers get together and take a couple dollars each to bet on roulette. They split the money they earn (if any).

Well as they enter the casino on Thursday, everyone waves to them and says, "here comes the firm." Once they're in...

An old blind man walks into a bar...

He sits down and begins to speak:
"How many Blondes does it take-"
A burly blonde woman nearby interrupts him "Excuse me! I'll have you know that I'm a blonde wrestler and I'm sitting here with a weightlifter, a black belt and a professional boxer who are also blonde. Are you sure you wan...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.