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Watches Jokes

I put all my watches together to make a belt

It was a waist of time

Throwing Watches

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch an...

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A cop waits for a bar to close and watches for drunks to drive off...

The first man out the door stumbles, wanders around looking for his car, then drops the keys under his car and starts crawling around looking for them. The cop, knowing if he waits until the guy finds his keys and pulls out he'll have a DUI arrest, sits and watches him for a while. Eventually the ma...

China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons.

One soldier says with tears in his eyes “but but my daughter made it for me”.

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate

is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.

What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches?

On one hand, you have a watch...

But on the other hand, you have a watch.

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

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A flight is on its way to Paris when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Paris, and I’m staying right here”.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that th...

Without our watches, our argument about the time of day could have gone on forever

But since we were tired from a long day of spelunking, we decided to call it a night.

I spent yesterday afternoon making a belt out of watches,

It was a complete waist of time

As she watches the news, an elderly woman calls her husband in concern.

She knows he is driving home, so she calls his cell phone.

"Dear, please be careful on the road today! I just heard on the radio that there is a driver going the wrong way down the highway."

Her husband replies, "Oh, it's not just one. There are hundreds of them!"

What do you call a weatherman who loves steak and watches?

A meaty horologist

What do you call the Mexican food that watches you from the bushes?

Stalkos

In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains:

"Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."

Finding a woman sobbing because she had locked her keys in the car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.

She watches amazed as he takes off his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens.

"That's so clever!" the woman exclaims. "How did you do that?"

"Easy," replied the soldier, "These are my khakis."

In Russia you watch tv

In America tv watches you.

I just sold my collection of Swiss watches to a friend in Mexico City.

Adios Omegas.

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A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.

He puts a frog on the table in front of him.

A woman at the other end of the bar watches as the man just sits there drinking while the frog watches him. Curiosity finally gets the better of her, so she walks up to the man and asks, "What's with the frog?"

The man looks at the woman and...

So my son watches this kid’s pirate show and they say “Hey ho, let’s go!” all the time.

So I keep emphatically saying it with him in hopes he’ll start to say it to my ex-wife.

My friend was wearing 3 watches.

I guess he had a lot of time on his hand

A friend collects watches and sometimes will wear a many as 6 watches on each arm.

He has way too much time on his hands.

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I just got one of those workout watches

apparently i've masturbated 5.8 miles today

A Texan walks into a bar in Ireland

and clears his voice to address the crowd of drinkers. He says, 'I hear you Irish are damn good drinkers. I'll bet 500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.'

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty min...

George and Jeff watches TV

George: "Oh no, that's terrible!"

Jeff: "What happened?"

George: "An earthquake! They found 13 dead, and counting!"

Jeff: "That *is* terrible."

Jeff: "I hate counting too."

Why are smart watches worn on the left hand?

If they were worn on the right hand guys would have had 3 times more steps than girls

A man watches TV

Α man watches TV and start shouting :

Dont go, Dont do it...Dont do it...NOOOOOOO

His wife comes in and says : What are you watching there ?

And the man says : I was just watching our wedding on DVD

If two witches buy two watches

Which witch would watch which watch?

A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole...

...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing...

Did you hear about the guy who spent six months making a belt out of watches?

He said it was a waist of time.

(as told to me last night by my 10 year old).

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the m...

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $25 bill and a note in his mouth that reads: "10 pork chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of 10 pork chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the bus schedule and sits on the bench when a bus arrives...

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An Airbus 380 is flying across the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a jet fighter appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now ...

Why dont people wear watches on their belts?

Because it would be a waist of time.

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Who watches insect porn?

A horny dyslexic

Finally a documentary full of watches, hourglasses, and sundials.

It's about time.

So few people today disassemble their watches, take away the hand showing seconds and sell it to other people

the second-hand second hand market is minute.

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What's the difference between a porn addict and a pickpocket?

One snatches watches.

"Oh no, the rubber ripped!"

\- Alissa (24 years old) panics, jumps up from bed, and runs into bathroom

\- Manuel (25) needs new tires for his car

\-Lara (27) now has *no* pony-tail

\- Ben (28) holds his covid-mask to his face in the bus

\-David (29) watches his friend during bungee-jump

If you ever gonna do jokes on watches

Make sure to take your time

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A man with a wooden eye watches people at the dance...

After always being the butt of jokes or bullying, he was scared to ask any girl to dance with him. He always had a fancy for Betsy, who was born with a hairlip. He always figured since they shared a similar fate, she might sympathize with him. He finally mustered up enough courage and asked Betsy, "...

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