This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Old pocket watch stopps to work and needs a repairservice.

When a old men had given his watch to the watchmaker for a service and the guy tells him that a cockroach is in there witch stoped the clock. The old men answers: Oh yes i understand the operater is dead, so the watch cant work anymore. Did you have spare roaches?

They make wrist watches, and pocket watches. I finally figured out why they don't make belt buckle watches:

It's a waist of time.

My overweight uncle spend months making a belt out of used pocket watches.

When he finished it, he realized it was a huge waist of time.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The Hypnotist at a Senior Home

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center. After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A Hypnotist was hired at a retirement home.

He was trying to hypnotize 150 old folks. He was swinging his pocket watch back and forth. The watch had been passed down from generations. As he was swinging the watch, the chain snapped, sending the watch plummeting to the ground, breaking into thousands of pieces. โ€œShit!โ€ He yelled. It took them ...

Ole has not been satisfying Lena lately, so he goes off to the doctor

When he comes back he is wearing pinstripe trousers, ruffled shirt with silk tie, a frock coat and a tall hat. He has a huge gold pocket watch and is smoking a cigar the size of a dachshund, and he is leaning on a silver-mounted ebony walking stick.

"Ole!" yells Lena, "what on earth are you d...

A world class clockmaker dies and goes to Heaven

Johan Hallowed was a master of his craft. He made everything from grandfather clocks to pocket watches to wrist watches. He even helped in the restoration of Big Ben. He finds himself at the Pearly Gates and even St. Peter is a fan of Johan's work. But due to a mixup, Johan was sent to spend eterni...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

During It's 60th Year Anniversary, an Old Folk's Home Decided to Get a Magician to Perform.

This Magician Was Unlike Any Other Magician. He Specialised in Hypnosis.


That Day, He Brought His Family's Heirloom, a Pocket Watch Made of Gold.


At Noon, Everyone Gathered At the Home's Hall, Waiting for The Magician's Arrival.


Upon Arriving, the Magician Pulled Out...

An elderly man is having difficulty keeping up with his wife any more

so he goes to see the doctor and is gone for most of the day.

When he gets home, he arrives in a chauffered Cadillac, and is resplendently turned out in pinstripe trousers, waistcoat, frock coat, top hat and spats. He has a gold pocket watch in the waistcoat, a gigantic cigar, and an ebony ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

City Hall

The city counselors were discussing how to increase public attendance and participation at City Hall meetings. One counselor suggested bringing in a famous hypnotist-entertainer. The officials agreed, the hypnotist was engaged, and leaflets were printed and distributed.

A month later, City H...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The hypnotist

A renowned hypnotist is attempting a mass hypnotism in a large auditorium. There are over 15,000 people there listening with rapt attention. The hypnotist pulls out a very nice golden pocket watch and holds it up for the entire crowd to see. He begins by saying:
"This is a watch passed down from ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The Hypnotist at the senior's center

One day the local senior's center brought in a hypnotist to entertain the elderly. He pulled out an old family heirloom pocket watch and waved it back and forth, slowly, repeating 'watch the watch' in a calm, soothing voice.
Back and forth it went, 'watch the watch, watch the watch' until the wh...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home

A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home. He decides to try mass hypnosis.

He starts by telling everyone that it is a speacial day as he will be using a family heirloom, a pocket watch that is more than 200 years old. He asks the audience to focus on the watch as he swings it fro...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tellum Time..

A US Calvary soldier was in route to deliver a message to his commanding officer when he caught sight of an Indian laying naked on the side of the trail flat on his back and with, quite noticeably, a hard on. He slowed his horse to a halt and called out to the man.

"You there! What in God's ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The Hypnotist. (NSFW)

A hypnotist decides to try out his magic on his girlfriend, Meg, one evening. After a romantic dinner he rakes out his pocket watch and slowly starts swinging it from side to side. Transfixed she stares at it.
He says "When I say head, Meg, you will suck my dick, and when I say right nut, Meg, s...

The 2 Soldiers

2 soldiers are on the battle field. One soldier drops his cherished pocket watch on the ground. As he reaches for it, his teammate gets shot and falls on top of it. His teammate looks at him with fear in his eyes and says, "There's no way I'm going to get out of this, I am going to die..." The soldi...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A cowboy was riding his horse through the desert...

He rides over a ridge and sees a native american Indian brave laying on the ground with an erection pointing straight up in the air. The stunned cowboy asked "Woah there chief, what in the hell are you doin' just layin' there with your boner sticking up"? The brave relied "Me tellum time". The cow...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.