Watched Jokes - 70 Hilarious Watched Jokes

I just watched a documentary on marijuana.

I think all documentaries should be watched this way.

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A pervert watched a bunch of numbers have an orgy through a window

Some were 69ing, 7 ate 9's ass, you get the picture.

After a while they started to cum in descending order (20, 19, 18, etc.) until 2 came and saw the perv in the window. He got scared and ran away, never looking back.

He never saw that one coming.

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

Poll: Have You Ever Watched Malcom in the Middle?

[YES]

[NO]

[MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW]

[CAN YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?]

I just watched a movie about a y=x graph

The plot was a bit predictable

And a little flat

Good special f(x) though

Yesterday I watched a match of women's volleyball, and 10 minutes into the game there was a wrist injury.

But by tomorrow I should be fine again.

I just watched a beautiful naked woman do stand-up comedy.

Never laughed so hard in my life.

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I watched my first porn today

But damn I was so young back then

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI

I re-watched Will Smith in "Independence Day" last night.

Still slaps.

Just watched a pirated movie

On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a 3.14

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I watched my first porno film last week....

I looked so much younger then.

I watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes

And thought, "Wow, dogs are so dumb!" Then i realised i just watched a dog chase its tail for 10 minutes.

I watched Into The Spiderverse and I wondered how Spider-Man always comes up with his witty comebacks.

Then it it me with great power comes great response ability.

I just watched an Australian cooking show and the audience cheered when the chef made meringue.

I was surprised...usually Australians boo meringue.

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I watched that documentary about the guy who fell in love with his car.

I was fucking exhausting.

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Watched Good Will Hunting Recently and heard this.

So a plane is about to take off, and the first pilot does his typical announcements like "We'll be travelling at 35000 feet at a speed of...", you know, the whole routine. However, he forgets to turn off the microphone, so after the message, all the passengers hear him say to the co-pilot "You know ...

I just watched a two-hour documentary on how modern jetliners are manufactured.

It was riveting.

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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

I just watched a really thrilling bondage competition.

The winner tied last place.

Shame about the Tesla driver that crashed while watching a movie.

He should've watched the trailer.

Last night I watched the uncut version of the film Scarface.

It was called Face.

I watched a video on how to improve my foreplay

It wasn't too bad once I skipped past the boring part at the beginning.

I watched my friend die today...

Before she died she gave me her epi-pen, I think it’s something she wanted me to remember her by

I watched the Indian version of How I Met Your Mother…

There’s just one episode and it is about the wedding.

Just watched “Chernobyl”. Turned to my wife and asked if I could put my “Control Rod” into her “RBMK Reactor”

She said no and had a complete meltdown.

I watched the new thriller about the models who go camping.

It’s pretty in tents.

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I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...

Is there nothing on the internet that I won’t masturbate to?

I recently watched my wedding video backwards.

I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

Too bad Anne Frank never watched Home Alone.

It could have been a real game changer.

Watched a movie about masseuse.

I am glad it had a happy ending.

For those of you with feelings of paranoia that you are being watched:

I want you to know that you are not alone.

I watched a documentary on Marijuana last night…

…that’s probably how I’ll watch all documentaries from now on.

Having not watched the film, I thought ‘Die Hard’

Was about autoerotic asyphixiation

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back

Luckily I was the one facing the TV

Just watched Captain America: Civil War for the first time

Couldn't get enough, so I looked out of the window to watch America: Civil War.

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I heard pornhub plant a tree for every 100 videos watched

I guess I’m gonna “single handedly” save the planet then

I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them.

I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial

"Poor Old fool” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub…

So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

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A duck had sex with a chicken as the rooster watched with great excitement.

This somehow managed to created a new species, which was named after the rooster. Scientist called this species the “Cuck”.

I watched a movie about fishing...

It had a great cast in it.

Just watched "Don't Look Up"

Oscar-worthy performance by Leonardo pretending to like women his own age.

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I watched a really weird porno the other day.

It was just a fat white man sitting in a darkened room, crying and wanking at the same time for an hour. Then I realised the TV wasn't switched on yet.

I drove my car into a river and watched it turn into a mobile phone.

One minute, a Kia.
Next minute, Nokia.

Watched this TV show called "How To Get Out Of Bed"

Exciting stuff...I was on the edge of my sheet

I watched such a sad movie in the cinema today

Even the seats were in tiers

I just watched a documentary about beavers.

Best dam show I've ever seen.

I just watched that Frida Kahlo movie for the first time.

She really raised some eyebrows back then.

I watched a movie about Stockholm Syndrome

It captured me even though i didnt like it at first, but by the end i absolutely loved it

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My friend said that he watched porn on a train not wearing any headphones.

I'll be honest though, I've never seen a train wearing any before.

I watched a documentary about cranes today...

...it was very uplifting

I just watched a documentary on the history of hospital gurneys

It was very moving.

I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw...

No 1-1

Scientists watched the earth revolve for 24 hours

They got bored and call it a day!!!

Not mine. Just passing on.

Watched a video about handicaps

Strangely the comments weren't disabled

I didn't know my mom watched Bob Ross

Because she called me a happy little accident

So I just watched the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals are weird…

Imagine Dragons.

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I quit watching porn…

Not because it’s bad, but because I watched it all.

I watched a fly get drunk yesterday.

I saw it land in my wife's tea and I didn't say anything.

I watched a documentary about the bikini.

It was a two-part series and it was very revealing.

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I've just watched the Alabama version of 'Back to the Future,'

Unlike his counterpart, this version of Marty McFly can't resist the temptations of his mother and ends up fucking her,

Then he travels back in time.

i watched a commercial that said: "forget everything you know about stocks

so i did

then the commercial tried to sell me stocks, but i didn't know what the hell they were!

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I just watched porn

It was a full fucking hour

In a national park, a woman stopped to watch a deer.

A man walked over to her and said, "This is red deer, Cervus elaphus, it's pleased to meet you."

Then she watched him continue to other visitors and say the same thing.

She catches up with him and asks, "Why are you doing this?"

The man responds, "The ranger told me this species...

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I used to work with a guy who watched porn all day

I’m just glad he didn’t begin to rub off on me

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A drunk watched the same guy leave a bar every night with a different woman.

One night he asked the guy what his secret is.

The guy replies, " I have the best pick-up line. When I see a woman I desire, I walk up to her and say, 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' When she invariably says WHAT?, I say 'Particularly nasty weather'."

The drunk is impressed and deci...

I watched a documentary about the first test of the A-bomb.

It was a real blast from the past.

Last night I watched a movie called "Fresh Meat".

I don't want to spoil it for you.

Have you watched TENET yet?

No

Have you watched TENET yet?

No

Have you watched TENET yet?

No

Have you watched TENET yet?

Yes

It's about time!

I just watched Godzilla Vs. Kong, it was awful...

...One could even say it’s Monstrous

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