What do you call Bill Clinton's VP programmatically tapping his foot and clapping his hands?

Algorithm

I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP

I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.

As Dyslexic VP frustrated by having multiple bosses,

I don't get why I was fired when I suggested to the Chief Executive to get the FOC out of my business.

The new VP

Guy comes home from work and tells his wife, "Guess what? They made me a VP!"

She says, "Big deal. Our grocery store has a VP of apples."

He doesn't believe her, calls the grocery store, asks the clerk to speak to the VP of apples.

Clerk says, "Dried or fresh?"

CEO asks the VP: “ Hey, have you been boning my new secretary?”

VP says: “No!”.

CEO: “Good, then YOU fire her.”

Michael Bloomberg will not pick Hillary Clinton as his VP

He's not ready to commit suicide

I emailed Hillary that to secure a win, she had to pick Bernie as VP.

I guess she deleted it.

The 50 states and DC each send their fastest runner to compete in a marathon...

The route they are running takes them around Washington DC, and the finish line is the front door of the White House.

At the sound of the starting pistol, all fifty-one runners take off. It's an exciting race.

Meanwhile, at the White House, the President waits in the Oval Office for t...

Two kids were arguing on who's daddy is the best. I couldnt take it anymore, so

I turned off the VP debate.

The Democrats are having trouble gaining traction for any of their candidates, so

They have asked Anthony Wiener to run for President and he would have Eric Holder as his VP.


They say it's the Wiener-Holder ticket. They will beat the competition, be hard on crime, and get a grip on the big issues.


They will get to meat of it all.

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That Ol' Gloria (NSFW)

Gloria was not a pretty woman. She had never been in love and only rarely had laid with a man. Alone by the time of her 55th birthday, her only accomplishments in life were a storied golf career and her many rescued cats. Sadly, in her misery and depression, Gloria took her own life. Written in her ...

Larry, the Chemical Engineer

Larry was a chemical engineer who worked for DuPont Chemicals and who was brilliant at his job. He’d been the main guy responsible for developing Kevlar and a host of other really great plastics and polymers.

However, it had been quite a while between new developments and so the VP of Researc...

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Job Profile

The CEO during a site visit to the office asks a young Manager "Yes smarty, What do you do?"

Manager (calmly) : "Sir, I'm the Sexual Advisor to the VP."

Pin drop silence ensues, photographer stops taking pictures, all others stop working and start looking around.

The CEO looks ...

Why I didn't get the job...

I applied for an executive position at a major corporation. They called me in for an interview with the board of directors, and it went pretty well. The next day I got a call... it was the vice president on the line!

"Listen, sir", he told me, "you left me very impressed yesterday. But the...

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WORLD WAR III IN THE PLANNING STAGES

Former President Bush and VP Cheney are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?'

The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'

So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor!

What are you guys doing i...

I remember one time when by dad came home from work, absolutely beaming with happiness

I asked "Why are you do happy, Daddy?"

"Well kiddo, today at work Daddy's boss called him into his office, and invited him to go golfing with some of the other big boss men at the company. I shot the best game of my life, and after I got a hole in one on the last hole, my boss told me I was ...

Dave walks into a bar and sees President Donald Trump and Vice-President Mike Pence at a table, deep in discussion.

He doesn’t want to interrupt, but they see him, invite him over and they soon get to talking.

“We’re on track to bomb the Middle East,” excitedly claims the President. “We’re going to reduce those towelheads to a shadow of their former numbers. We’re going to kill 3 million Syrians, 4 millio...

Garden of Eden

It was the day of the judgement and God was really happy with what USA has done in its short time on earth. In fact God was so happy that it decided to allow all the presidents and first ladies in the garden of Eden for eternal happiness.

And so one by all presidents and first ladies present ...

Two marketing executives were discussing what to call the new advertising signs that were being installed along the highway.

VP Phil: Let's call them Philboards

CEO Bill: I've just had a great idea!

Best All Time Favourite Jokes

A mathematician, statistician and accountant were finalist for a position as VP in a large corporation. The hiring committee asked them all the same last question:
The mathematician was first. "How much is 500 plus 500 ?", they asked
"1000" he replied without hesitation.
"Thank you", they d...

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On November 9th...

Me: "I guess President Hillary Clinton is with VP Tim Kaine now. And both feeling pretty high. You could say she's ....co-Kaine! Hahah!"

Wife: "Trump won."

Me: "Shit..."

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The interrupting VP nominee.

The interr...

KAINE!

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