My TCP/IP LAN contracted COVID-19

It should have worn its subnet mask

What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

Sincerely,

Your Internet Provider

Yo mama so dumb

She thought an IP address was RKelly's house

How do you make a kungfu master into a network administrator?

Name him IP Man.

Programmer: What's your ip?

Mathematician: ln(-1)

A joke I heard in a Chinese film - Ip Man 3

Ah Mo was walking toward the table with the other men from work when one of them said

"If your wife controls you, go sit at that other table over there."

So, all of the men but Ah Mo moved to the other table.

The other men, upon seeing that Ah Mo didn't join them, started compl...

I asked my dad what our IP Address was...

He just pointed at the toilet.

Who in the world defeated Ip Man?

VPN Man.

I would tell you a joke about UDP/IP

But you probably wouldn't get it

Dogs invented the Internet.

They have used IP protocol long before us.

Where is the best place to go pee?

IP Address

If a priest does his sermons online

Does that make it the VoIP of God?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[at the doctor after having unprotected e-sex]

doc it hurts when IP

What did the vegetable shout at a party?

Turn-ip!!!

[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home

I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.

* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...

The government will send a martial artist after you if you violate copyright law

IP Man

I got my job at the secret government facility today.

The workplace is separated to three parts, part "C, X and V".


We were told the V section stored the most dangerous weapons on the planet, so we are not allowed to go near it.


I work at Section X, which is the robot studying section, a whole day of programming is hard, so I chat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where does the computer programmer take a piss?

At the IP address.

Where does he poop?

Install.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Comcast has received a notification by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, reporting an alleged infringement of one or more copyrighted works made on or over Comcast's High-Speed Internet service (the 'Service'). The copyright owner has identified the Internet Protocol ('IP') address associa...

Where do network engineers go to use the toilet?

At their IP address.

Make sure to drink enough water when using the internet...

... otherwise you could have trouble with the IP protocol.

What is a hackers favorite pop group?

The Black IP’s


Note: Siri voice to text is solely responsible for this

It was my dad’s funeral last week.

We all walk into the chapel and there’s a huge floral arrangement on the coffin that says: “81.131.11.216”
My mother hisses to me, “What is *that*?”
I shrugged. “What you asked for: our IP in flowers.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a music group that has been participating in illegal activity online

The Black IPs

IT hurts

Rick Grimes: A network engineer went to the doctor.
Coral: Shut up, Dad!
RG: He said, "It hurts when I pee".
Coral: .......
RG: IT Hertz when IP, Coral!

What's the name you use when you put your internet router on your bathroom?

An IP address.

(Whether or not you like it, or whether or not you believe in what I'm about to say, I came up with this like 10 minutes ago and my girlfriend is still laying in bed screaming into a pillow)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You've Been Programming Too Long When...

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omit...

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