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What does the average comp sci student graduate with?

His virginity

Pun comp

Last week I entered a pun competition. Each competitor had to come up with 10 puns. The judges would vote which pun was the best after 10 rounds. After all 10 rounds, do you know how many of mine won?

No pun in-ten-did.

Sorry

Comp Sci Joke

I'd tell you a joke about TCP but I'd have to keep repeating it until you got it.

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So this guy decides to take off work to go golfing.

So he's there on the Green, about to head his ball, when he hears, "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

He looks down and there's a little frog next to his foot. "What did you say, little frog?"

And the frog repeats. "Ribbit! Nine-iron!"

So the man shrugs, figures what the hell, switches cl...

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Drinking with Jesus

An Australian, an Irishman an Englishman and one other man was sitting in a bar.

They stared and stared, and looked again and realised it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman calls out, "Hey! You!!! Are you Jesus?"

The man looks over at him, smiles and says ...

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Did you hear about the stripper who fell from the pole and broke her jaw?

She’s now getting twerkman’s comp.

my dog...

Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework

Comp Sci Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment?

Me:

Prof:

Me: it took him a couple bytes

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An American, Irishman and an Australian are at a bar.

When Jesus walks in and sits at the end of the bar. The American walks over to Jesus and asks
"Is it true you're Jesus?"
"Yes my son" says Jesus.
The American buys him a Budweiser and Jesus taps him on the arm "Thank you my son you are now cured of your arthritis".
As the man walks back ...

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What happens in Vegas...

A perpetual gambler had a rare turn of luck and hit a 500k jackpot. The casino, determined to get their money back, comped him one of their best luxury suites. Lonely, he was seeking some lady company for the evening. He called down to the concierge’s desk and requested the best looking call girl in...

Buying a beer for Jesus

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar and they see Jesus.

"Wow! That's really Jesus!" they say. "We should buy him a beer."

They walk up to Jesus and ask him: "Jesus, may we please buy you a beer?"

Jesus replies: "yes you may, my children."

Jesus drinks the...

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the golf course frog

A golfer playing a round by himself hits his ball near a pond. As he approaches the ball he notices a small frog right next to the spot where his ball landed. Not wanting to hit the frog, he bends down and moves the frog onto a rock nearby. As he sets up his 8 iron shot, he hears the frog croak 'rib...

A man is out playing golf

And having a real terrible time of it. He lands in a sandbar on the second hole, but as he's trying to wedge himself out a frog says "ribbit, 5 iron". The man shocked and annoyed at the suggestion, gives it a shot and smacks the ball hard as he can. The golfer expects this to have only been detrimen...

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I heard this joke on a show called "Accused" it made me laugh

"A man gets his dick cut off at work and they give him 40000 dollars comp... he could get a 4 inch penis for 10 grand, a 6 inch for 30 and the full big 8 inch penis for the full 40. But his wife is there and she needs to help make the decision.
So, his boss leaves, like our lawyer did right ther...

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An old time prospector lives 50 miles outside of the only town for a hundred miles

This old timer is well known for only coming in to town once a year, to spend his money on whiskey and supplies, never to be seen again until the next year.

One year, he comes to town, heads straight for the bar, and tells the bartender "set 'em up, I'm celebratin'!"

After he knocks b...

The CS:GO Joke.

In a COMP match in CSGO how many people does Olofmeister kill?
Olofem

What do you call a Mustard Competition?

A Compe*Dijon*

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Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

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