My best mate’s dyslexic and one of our teachers suggested he try poetry

He’s made 3 vases so far

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elizabeth Taylor goes in to get her vagina reconditioned.

Elizabeth : Dr. I want to have the vagina of an 18 year old.

Dr. : Ok that can be done.

Elizabeth: Ok but please, ABSOLUTELY NO PAPARAZZI or MEDIA involvement!

Dr. : Of course, it will be completely confidential.


The surgery occurs with no complications. in f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic,

Well I just made 2 vases and a jug, so fuck you Mr McDonald.

If a bearded man makes vases...

Is he a hairy potter?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This woman wanted to have some rejuvenation surgery after her years of child birthing, so she decided to get a vaginoplasty.

When she awakens from surgery, she sees three vases on her bedside table with flowers in them. The nurse walks into the room, and the woman asks “Hey, who are these flowers from?” The nurse looks at her and says “Well, one is from the doctor, he just wanted to thank you for shaving and cleaning up e...

Three dogs

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.

When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for, he answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you here for?"
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
<...

I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

Talking over the fence

My wife Julie was talking over the garden fence to our neighbor Betty.

"Hi Betty, how are things, how are you finding all this lock down stuff?"

"It's OK, bit strange having Jim around the house so much."

"I can imagine, I saw him coming home this morning from the store, he had ...

A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club.

He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

Ethel was visiting her friend Martha at her home for the first time.

Ethel exclaimed "You have such a beautiful home, Martha. I especially like those 3 fancy vases on your mantle."

Martha replied "Those aren't vases, they're urns... this one is my first husband Bill, this one is my second husband Jim, and that one is my third husband Ted"

Ethel replied...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Labial Nip and Tuck

A woman plans a labial nip and tuck surgery to reduce the size of her labia.

The surgery goes perfectly, and when she awakes after her surgery, she sees two large vases of beautiful flowers in her room.

She looks at the card from the first set of flowers. It reads:

“Dear Gina,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Mrs. Smith decides she wants vaginal rejuvenation

So Mrs. Smith has been around the block a time or two, and she decides she wants vaginal rejuvenation. She finds a surgeon who performs the procedure and has a consultation with him. In the discussion she tells the surgeon that she absolutely does not want a single word of her having the procedure t...

A man comes home with flowers for his wife.

She says “I guess I’m going to have to spread my legs now”


The man says “why we don’t got no vases?”

A man comes home to his wife with a big bunch of flowers...

"I suppose I'll have to keep my legs open for the next few days!" The wife says.

The husband replies, "Why? Don't you have any vases?"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.