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Vases Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two removal men are moving expensive vases

The old removal man is training up the young one but the young one seems a little stupid.

The old man is loading a vase into the back of the van when he hears a smash next to him. He looks over and sees a broken vase and the young man staring at a woman.

The old man says "what the hell...

A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club.

He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

If a bearded man makes vases...

Is he a hairy potter?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher told me I would never be good at poetry because of my dyslexia

But so far I’ve made 3 vases and a jug so you!

People always told me I would at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

Well I've made two vases and a jug today, so who now!

My best mate’s dyslexic and one of our teachers suggested he try poetry

He’s made 3 vases so far

I met a baker who purposefully burnt his bread.

He would then take the ashes and sell them in clay vases.

I wouldn't think he would be able to make much money from that, but I guess he found away to urn some dough.

Ethel was visiting her friend Martha at her home for the first time.

Ethel exclaimed "You have such a beautiful home, Martha. I especially like those 3 fancy vases on your mantle."

Martha replied "Those aren't vases, they're urns... this one is my first husband Bill, this one is my second husband Jim, and that one is my third husband Ted"

Ethel replied...

A man comes home with flowers for his wife.

She says “I guess I’m going to have to spread my legs now”


The man says “why we don’t got no vases?”

Talking over the fence

My wife Julie was talking over the garden fence to our neighbor Betty.

"Hi Betty, how are things, how are you finding all this lock down stuff?"

"It's OK, bit strange having Jim around the house so much."

"I can imagine, I saw him coming home this morning from the store, he had ...

A man comes home to his wife with a big bunch of flowers...

"I suppose I'll have to keep my legs open for the next few days!" The wife says.

The husband replies, "Why? Don't you have any vases?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to feed a cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
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