I've started a business crafting small figurines of Muhammad.

It's making little prophets.

I started a job making plastic Dracula figurines but there’s only two of us in the production line.

I have to make every second Count.

What do you call a murder over a set of porcelain figurines in the middle of a rice field?

A knick-knack-paddy-wack

(100% stolen from somewhere, I still think it's funny)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
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I can't stop making figurines of Frodo

It's hobbit forming.

Police were called to the scene of a murder

A man escaped a mental hospital and stole some porcelain figurines. Later that night he snuck into a farmers field and used them to beat a cow to death with them.

It was the first documented case of a nic-nac patty wack

A notorious mafia hitman...

..confessed today to the murder of a Chinese government official in a rice field using only 2 porcelain figurines.

Sources say this the first confirmed case of a "knick knack paddy whack"

-Colin Mocharie.

So there's this boy who loves tractors

He lived on a farm, and watched the tractors drive by all day. He subscribed to tractor magazines, collected tractor figurines, had loads of tractor posters on his wall and even had some DVDs of tractor documentaries. He lived his whole childhood loving tractors.
On his 17th birthday, his dad sa...

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