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Ornaments Jokes

I've been stealing garden ornaments from my next door neighbour...

Who shall remain Gnomeless

How are Christmas ornaments and Jeffery Epstein the same?

They don't hang themselves.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and Christmas ornaments?

The ornaments can be rehung again next year.

I told my wife that since we're broke, we need to decorate our tree with blue ball ornaments this year...

That's right.

Christmas isn't coming this year :(

The pink, plastic birds that are popular lawn ornaments in Florida.....

are they called, "Placebo Flamingos"?

What do you call the terms describing lawn ornaments?

Gnomenclature

A murder-for-hire occurred in a rice field using small china ornaments as the weapon

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

Whats the difference between Ornaments, Candy Canes, Myself, and the Star?

You don't hang the star

This joke may contain profanity. šŸ¤”

My dad was complaining to me that mom wants him to buy all new ornaments for Christmas.

I said, "Sorry, dad. I guess your old balls just aren't good enough for her any more."

(PS: This actually happened)

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A German taxi driver was on his shift...

He is driving one of these Mercedes models that have the Mercedes emblem as a hood ornament.

A guy waves him down, so he stops and let him enter. It was a tourist, in town on his first trip to Germany. The driver asks: "So, how do you like our country?" The guy answers: "Oh, it's great. B...

Christmas at the vet's office

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was your weekend?" the bartender asks. "Expensive. The dog ate a bunch of Christmas ornaments off of the tree, so I had to take him to the vet," the guy says. "Vet says he has a bad case of tinselitus."

For the 11th Day of Christmas.....What do reindeer hang on their Christmas tree?

Hornaments.


Stolen from a streaming Christmas show ....The Cleaner

What's colored and looks good hanging from a tree...

Christmas ornaments.

Three blondes go into the woods to find the perfect Christmas Tree

After hours of searching one says:



"Maybe we should just take one of these without the ornaments!?"

A toothbrush journey in India

Very real story...,,

A Dentist was conducting a global survey-
*"How long do you use your Toothbrush...?"*

Chinese:
"3 months...!"

American:
"1 month...!!"

Indian:
"There is no fixed time limit doctor, it may be years...!!! Initially we use it for *brushing* ...

Genghis Khan stumbles across a great palace in Northern China

It was a magnificent golden palace, with beautiful ornaments covering every surface as it towered over the surrounding landscape with its size. The steps leading up to the front entrance were crafted from the finest marble, the pillars holding up the ceiling sculpted with the rarest jade. It was tru...

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Best christmas joke about Obama, (racist)

So I was walking through Wal-Mart looking to buy new ornaments for my christmas tree, when I saw an Obama ornament. Funny, I didn't know it was acceptable to hang a black man from a tree again.

Vittore Santos decided to enter a Christmastime food competition. Entrants were to make 100 tacos and arrange them in the shape of a Christmas Tree.

The winner would win $10,000. Vittore made his tacos and arranged them into a truly majestic Christmas tree shape with taco ornaments and a taco star on top. All that was left was to wait for the judges and camera crew to come by.

While he was waiting, a man dressed as The Grinch pointed at h...

A particle physicist met a quark collector...

... and discovered the latter, named Richard, had managed to get his hands on two of the most elusive quarks - the notorious up-quark and the sought-after down-quark.

Now the physicist was a bit of a connoisseur himself, and had managed to get his hands on all the four other quarks and their ...

A tragedy in the Mystic town

The Mystic town is populated by the human powers, who oddly look like big canisters with labels on them, and is divided into two parts by a huge road. One side of the road is for "General Powers", where guys like Strength, Speed and Agility live. The other one is "Other's" half, where Karma, Qi, Wil...

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A psychiatrist arrives for a house call and is greeted by a panicked mother

Who shows him to her sonā€™s room. Her son had taken an extreme interest in First Nations culture in the past years going as far as packing his room with First Nations ornaments and trinkets and even changing his name to Spirit Eagle. However, the interesting state of his room was over shadowed by the...

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The purple flower joke. (Very long)

Once there was a boy in 5th grade, and he really liked this girl (simp) and he knew that she liked the color purple.

So one day during recess he found these purple flowers and decided to make his move on the girl, so he walked up to her (with the flowers) and said "You are my purple flower" a...

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