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Twisted Jokes

Most people think I'm sick and twisted...

But I'm not! I have the heart of a little girl.

In a jar.

On my desk.

A Twisted Tale

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his beautiful young wife pregnant.
So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.
The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.
The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was e...

It takes a pretty twisted person to mock an amputee.

Honestly, just try putting yourself in their shoe.

I love it when the main character in a movie has a twisted back story...

Probably why 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' is one of my all-time favourites!

Twisted Tyke

An executive of a company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispering, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"

"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"John," she said, (firm loose breasts undula...

Did you hear Twisted Sister performed for the "Geologist of the Year" award ceremony?

They played "I Won A Rock!"

Wanna know why Alabama is so weird and twisted?

Because it's in their incestors blood.

An old twisted rope called his mom when he was sad

Mom: are you ok?

Rope: no I'm knot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today, a man twisted my ear, put a blade to my neck and, at end, asked for money.

Fucking Barber.

A newly married couple

A newly married couple make their way to bed and everything is going well until...

"Ooh! Oh! Look at that! What's wrong with it?" cries the bride.

"It's just my junk!" says the groom, offended.

"Yes, but's what's wrong with it? They're not supposed to look like that! It's all tw...

A really twisted joke

What do Ted Bundy and the Space Shuttle Colombia have in common?

They both left bodies in four states.

Steven Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years. His Glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees.

Apparently she stood him up.

They say some of the best comedians in the world have dark and twisted pasts...

It's why I lose the annual comedy competition to the orphanage down the street.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and u...

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