In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they...

If Trump really wanted Hillary to be locked up...

He should have just hired her!

Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore

Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

What is the difference between Washington, Nixon and Trump?

George Washington couldn’t tell a lie.

Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth.

Donald Trump can’t tell the difference

You may not believe me when I say that Trump isn't the Prime Minister of Canada

It's Trudeau.

Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

T‌‌he Trump f‌‌amily i‌‌s f‌‌lying f‌‌rom N‌‌ew Y‌‌ork t‌‌o D‌‌C.

Donald l‌‌ooks d‌‌own o‌‌n t‌‌he c‌‌ities b‌‌elow a‌‌nd s‌‌ays, "‌‌I t‌‌hink I‌‌'ll t‌‌hrow a‌‌ $‌‌1000 b‌‌ill o‌‌ut o‌‌f t‌‌he w‌‌indow a‌‌nd m‌‌ake s‌‌ome A‌‌merican h‌‌appy"

Melanie s‌‌ays, "‌‌Oh h‌‌oney w‌‌hy n‌‌ot t‌‌hrow t‌‌en $‌‌100 b‌‌ills a‌‌nd m‌‌ake 1‌‌0 A‌‌mericans h‌‌appy?"
...

Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...

A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."

"Good morning." She replies.

"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.

"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.

"Excellent trade, Ma'am."<...

Donald trump is having tea with the queen in Buckingham palace.

When Trump brings up the topic of telling which politician is intellegent, the queen calls for boris johnson to come into the room. A minute later, Boris opens the door and walks in. The queen asks him, "Your mother has a child that isn't your brothers or your sisters. Who is this?". Boris thinks f...

Trump followed through with his plan to get rid of illegal immigrants

By making America so bad they'll leave on their own.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't allowed to join the Trump campaign because I was circumcised.

Apparently, you need to be a complete dick.

Trump and his family are traveling in a plane.

Trump decides to drop a 100 dollar note from the plane. His wife asks what he is doing. His reply is “I want to make an American happy”

His wife replies back “Why don’t you drop ten 10 dollar notes and make ten Americans happy?”

Their daughter gives a suggestion “Why don’t you drop hun...

Difference between Trump and a dump truck?

Four Goodyears.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?

One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!

What does the J in Donald J Trump stand for?

Genius

What’s the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?

One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.

Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives?

America

Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Govern...

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.
The iceberg is a...

President Trump just banned shredded cheeses.

He wants to Make America Grate Again

If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Trump keep fucking america?

Because it's cheaper than fucking his wife.

If your Doctor spoke like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the W...

Donald Trump walks into a bar

......
and set it lower

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is every American receiving a $1200 check?

Because Trump always pay off the people he's fucked.

Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?

Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.

Please stop calling Donald Trump an idiot.

As an idiot myself, it's very offensive that people think he's one of us.

How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern?

They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and politely asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and...

An aide slides up to Trump and whispers in his ear discreetly

"Mr.President, one of your shoes is black, and the other is brown!"

Trump said

, "Yes, I noticed it myself. I went to change but when I looked in the closet, the only other pair I had was also one black and one brown"

Trump walks into an electronics store...

He says to the salesman "I'd like to buy that little TV and install it in my limo".

"Sorry, I don't want to sell you anything."

Angered, Trump takes the limo home and decides to give it another go. To cleverly fool the salesman, he dyes his hair black, puts on an Elvis costume and goe...

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

Why I won’t be voting for Trump or Biden

I’m Indian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boris Johnson,Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are fishing..

Boris Johnson, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are fishing on the North Sea coast .

Boris Johnson starts to brag while looking at the Water : „We British have the best submarines in the World. Our subs can be submerged under water for over one month without refueling!“

Merkel is looking...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No boaters drowned at the Trump boat parade this weekend

Because pieces of shit float

How much is Trump's life insurance payout?

One pence

What's the difference between Obama and Trump?

When Obama appears on the White House balcony people shout "Yes we can! Yes we can!"

When Trump appears on the White House balcony people shout: "Jump! Jump! Jump!"

In order to stop accusations of racism, Trump decides to hire a Mexican immigrant

However, he doesn't feel confortable having him as an employee and calls him over in his office.

Juan: "Why you call me, jefe ?"

Trump: "You're fired!"


Juan: "Que ?! Why ?!!"


Trump: "Because....uh... Because you didn't finish high school!"

Juan: "Oh, no pro...

I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far.



He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of years now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

Mike Pence and Donald Trump walk into a steakhousehouse...

After a long night of campaigning in Nebraska Donald Trump and Mike Pence end up at Outback Steakhouse, where they are seated alone.

The waiter approaches with pen and pad, and asks "What can I get for you gentlemen tonight?"

"I'll take the New York Strip, well done. Can't stand the s...

After Trump dies, at his eulogy the priest says: he is today how he was as president..

Wearing make-up and lying in front of us

What do Donald Trump, Pink Floyd, and Dale Earnhardt all have in common?

The wall.

A Trump supporter dies and goes to the pearly gates…

There he sees St Peter and gets excited and walks towards the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "I want you to know, on the whole you were a good person, that's why you're going in. But we almost had to send you to hell because you voted for Trump."

"What do you mean? Trump is the best pre...

What's the difference between Trump and a cheeto?

One is fragile, orange and can't run a country. The other one is a tasty snack.

100% rock-solid proof that Trump laundered Russian mob money through the Trump Organization:

\[removed by Federal government\]

Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize

For real

Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump are all on a sinking ship. Who gets saved?

America.

Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.

The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.

Trump shouts “Oh my GOD!” and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.

After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a thong and Donald Trump's toupee have in common?

They both barely cover an asshole.

Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

People need to be a little bit more considerate of Trump's decision to skip the White House Correspondents' dinner.

The roasting waiting for him there would probably have made him the second black president.

Donald Trump was due to get circumcised

But the doctor said the procedure couldn’t go ahead due the fact that “there is literally no end to this prick”

So President Trump wants to abolish the two term limit on the Presidency.

Welcome back President Obama we missed you.

After passing away, George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a interview with God.

God asks Bush, "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers, "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

God is impressed by Bush and tells him, "Great , come sit on the chair on my right"

Next, God asks Obama, "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers, "I be...

Why did Trump cross The Road?

The Road is the name of a small business that fulfilled it's contract, exhausted all capital, and expected to be paid the rate that was agreed on.

So donald trump went to visit the queen of England the other day...

Donald trump went to visit the queen of England the the other day, he says to her:

I'd like to change the name of the united states to the empire of the united states."

and she says "no I'm sorry sir, for you to have an empire you'd need to be an emperor, and you sir are no emperor."...

Trump - 2020

Not a Goodyear.

At the end of the day Trump will have 2 supporters that I feel sorry for...

They are his feet!

I had a joke about Trumps border wall

But it doesn’t hold up over time.

Kids' antics are like Donald Trump.

You thought you've seen it all, but it never fails to surprise you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump goes to Russia to have dinner with Putin...

After dinner they’re hanging around the palace smoking cigars when Putin says “watch this”.

He rings a little bell and this beautiful Russian girl walks in, gets on her knees in front of him, and starts sucking his dick.

After a few moments Putin smacks her on the back of the head and ...

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, if they’re told the lightbulb doesn’t exist, it doesn’t need changing

The only thing Trump has bankrupted more than his businesses is

Half the the country's morals.

Donald J. Trump has been impeached

Finally, something he's earned

Why does Donald Trump print his emails?

He’s never been keen on fax

Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus

Lying in the hospital bed his face still white with shock, he finally got the courage to ask shakily and in a quiet voice, “How many people is a brazillion?"

What is Donald Trumps favourite piece of classical music?

Grabem, by Debussy.

It's funny how trump has issues with the USPS

isn't his wife a mail-order bride?

If Trump is Putin's puppet why can't you see the strings?

Because he is a sock puppet.

Little Boy: Daddy I want to be like president Trump when i grow up!

Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both"

Trump and Pense at a press briefing.

Trump: “if we tested less, we’d have less cases”.
Pense: “fewer”
Trump: “I told you not to call me that in public”.

Corona isn't Trump's fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's. SARS wasn't Bush's...

...and only a handful of cases of herpes was Clinton's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you tell Donald trump has fake hair?

Is that your final answer?

>!Dude holds all press conferences next to a fucking helicopter and his hair doesn’t move!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Donald Trump and a Halloween Pumpkin have in common?

They're both orange, full of crap and should be thrown out in November.

Trump's going to pardon Susan B. Anthony...

He just learned the she too campaigned against mass voting by male.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump is president. I think if George Washington were alive today, he'd look around and say, "What the fuck is going on? "

"How am I still alive?"

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House...

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House one night when suddenly, the car lurches to a halt.

The driver explains that a pig from a nearby farm wandered onto the road and he hit it.
Trump is a bit annoyed, but tells the driver, "Just go to their house, tell them you're...

Donald Trump just created a new company to make Parachutes for the Military

It opens on Impact.

Reporter to Trump: What do you think about all the lying you have done?

Trump: I never lie. But when I do, I tell the most beautiful lies. The most magnificent lies. But I never lie. Really I don’t.


Some people do think I lie on the bed though. But I never lie.

It doesn't make sense that trump is a white supremacist.

Why isn't he an orange supremacist?

Five people are on a plane that is going to crash; Oprah, the Pope, Greta Thunberg, Trump and Dr. Fauci.

Only four parachutes though.

Fauci takes one, says "I’ve got to live so I can find a cure for this pandemic and jumps out of the plane."

The Pope takes one, says "I have to be there to provide spiritual guidance to the faithful during this pandemic and he jumps out."

Trump takes...

What do you call it when Trump has a dandruff problem?

Flake News!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when you receive a blow job from Donald Trump?

Anal Sex.

TRUMP IS NOT MY PRESIDENT

Neither was Obama. Actually I live in India.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why has Trump never tested positive for COVID-19?

Because the swab always comes out covered in bullshit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One snowy day in Washington, Trump screams for the Secret Service agents on duty.

The agents rush in.

Trump says, "I looked out the window and saw that someone wrote 'Fuck Trump' with their piss in the snow. Get the crime lab down here immediately and test the urine. I want to know who did it!"

Next day, the lab report comes in" "Urine is Mitch McConnell's. Handwrit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald and Mike

Donald Trump and Mike Pence were travelling down Route 66 when Donald fell asleep at the wheel and crashed head on to oncoming traffic and they both died. When Donald and Mike reached the pearly gates of hell Mike said:

"Listen Devil, my time on earth is not done yet. I'll do whatever you wa...

What does it take to turn a Trump Supporter into a socialist?

$1,000

Mexican dude flees to the US without realizing that Trump's in office.

Mexican dude flees to the US without realizing that Trump's in office. Changes identity and calls himself Ted. Trump throws out all the Mexicans but Ted (who was previously Juan), just graffitis "Still Mexican. Still here." at random places around the country. The cops can't find him but they do kno...

So President Trump got into his Bunker because of the Riots.

As a german Guy I can say from experience that from this moment its not getting any better.

Trump just got tested again, and he's still negative.

IQ, not COVID-19.

What's Donald Trump's favorite superhero?

The white power ranger.

What do Walter Reed and Trump National have in common?

Both are places where Trump doesn't count his strokes accurately.

What is the difference between Donald Trump and Frank Underwood?

One is competent enough to actually rig an election and win.

Why does Trump like mini-golf?

Because mini-strokes are common.

Why Does Trump want to ban Tik Tok?

He knows his time is running out

Trump said that he’ll treat the US like a business

***So he bankrupted it***

How do get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

Tell him Barack Obama installed it.

I have a joke on Donald Trump.

It's a great joke. With a good buildup and a punch, and whatever. I showed it to my friends -- you know some of them are really good judge of jokes. I showed it to them and they said it's really funny. Almost everyone agrees it's good. Some of them says it's too good -- maybe a little bit too funny....

What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

What’s the biggest difference between Trump and Putin?

Putin knows how to win a U.S. election

If Trump is re-elected I will stay in the country

I can't get back over the wall anyway.

Donald Trump goes to hell

Upon his arrival, the Devil greets him warmly and with an especially big smile on his face.

Devil:”Donald Trump, welcome to hell! I had an especially difficult time selecting your eternal punishment, and so for a treat I’m going to allow you to choose one one three doors and take the place o...

A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that...

...he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.

"Was I smiling?" Trump asked.

"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."

I listened to a speech from Trump this morning apologizing for his wrongdoings and taking responsibility...

That was the weirdest dream ever, man.

Melania Trumps RNC speech just leaked on live TV

It was read aloud by Michelle Obama.

What's the similarity between America and Melania Trump?

They're both getting screwed by Donald Trump and neither one of them is happy about it.

I came up with this last night, but it might be a repost.

I can't wait to cheer for Trump in 2024. I'm going to be right there with all the others screaming "Four more years!", and waving my sign.

Anyway, how do you spell penitentiary?

how does trump commute to work each day?

by walking the fascist way possible!

Who's Donald Trump's least favorite family member?

Aunt Tifa.

What’s the difference between Donald Trump and Santa Clause?

Santa stops after 3 ho’s.

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, the Pope, and a boy scout are on a plane losing altitude and there are only 3 parachutes...

Vladimir Putin jumps up and declares, “I am the smartest Russian in the world! My people need me! I will not die here!” Then he grabs a parachute and jumps out the plane before anyone can say anything in response.

Watching intently and taking notes the entire time Putin was speaking Donald T...

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.



The 1st passenger said, 'I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, 'I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally get why Trump considers himself a stable genius.

Because he’s the best at shoveling horse shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is definitely not Hitler

He is Twitler

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a Burger King Whopper?

The Whopper knows what it's like to be in a lower-class household.

Donald trump was getting his daily briefing...

“Sir, there was another 60,000 cases of corona and a thousand Americans died”

“Huh” - the orange elder barely nods and continues watching Fox.

“Sir- also there was a riot in downtown DC and two cops and fourteen protesters are dead and sixteen in custody”
“Yawn... next”, replies th...

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