Jfk Jokes - 80 Hilarious Jfk Jokes

JFK, Ab. lincoln, & Martin luther king Jr walks into a bar

They get a few shots

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A JFK conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?"

God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor ...

IF JFK taught me one thing...

The best way to clear your head is to take a ride in your car.

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A plane leaves JFK airport under the control of a Jewish captain, Josh Weinberg.

It is the first time he has flown with his Chinese co-pilot Bo Weng and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

After this protracted silence has continued for a while, the Captain mutters, 'I don't like the Chinese.. .'

'No rike Chinese?' asks the copil...

I was going to tell a joke about JFK

but it went straight through my head.

I just finished reading a biography of JFK

The ending was mind-blowing

sources say it was raining when JFK embarked on his motorcade and yet he decided to go in a convertible..

Makes you wonder what was going through his head.

I'm trying to remember a good JFK joke for you guys...

But my mind is all over the place right now.

The day after the JFK assassination

So the day after the Kennedy assassination, Lyndon Johnson had already been sworn in and settles down that evening in the oval office. Just then, a red phone rings on his desk. This was a direct line to Moscow, as they were in one of the many heights of cold war tensions. Johnson answers the phone, ...

JFK must have really liked smart women

Everybody used to look at Jackie O and say, “Check out the brains on her.”

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My favorite sex position is called "the JFK"...

She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.

A time traveler went back in time and saw a CIA agent

Time traveler: What year is it?

CIA Agent: 1963

Time traveler: Before or after JFK wa...

CIA Agent: Before

Today is the 60th anniversary of the JFK assassination

That just blows my mind

I think I know why JFK was a favorite president to many...

He was very open minded.

I'll always remeber the town where JFK was shot...

because it was dallast one he visited.

Why were the Lincoln Presidency and JFK Presidency remembered so well?

Because they both ended with a BANG

The Smithsonian just added the JFK Experience as a new attraction

It’ll blow your mind!

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News story reminds me of old JFK "golden toilet" joke

Read in the news that thieves had been charged with stealing a $6 million gold toilet and it reminded me of this "classic."

For some reason one of the characters in this joke when it was told to me was JFK. The accent maybe made it more humorous.

JFK is on a talk show telling the story...

Why does she call it the “Ol’ JFK”

Because she gives messy head in the backseat.

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell

The devil awaits him. He says “Bill, don’t worry, it’s not as bad down here as they say. I let you pick your eternal punishment for yourself.”

“What are my options?” Bill asks.

So the devil shows him around.

Behind the first door is Ronald Reagan. He’s chained up, and getting w...

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?

One got his head blown off while the other got assasinated.

Did you know that JFK only had 2 names?

The F was added to pay respects.

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Have you heard of my favorite sex move called the JFK?

It’s where I explode all over her face and she screams while trying to climb out of the car.

What did JFK think of the parade?

He thought it was mind-blowing

This new JFK conspiracy will blow your mind...

I hear it's not even a real airport!

Why wouldn't JFK be a good boxer?

He can't take a shot to the head....

Too soon?

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My favorite sex position is the JFK

I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

I once heard that JFK was the most arrogant President:

It’s always in one ear and out the other with that man.

I just found out JFK was jewish.

He was shot in the temple.

Why is it hard to make a joke about JFK Jr.?

Because they never land well.

JFK walks into a photo studio

"I'm here for the headshots..."

I had an idea for a JFK tv show but no network would pick it up

They kept saying I was trying to assassinate his character

An Israeli is going through passport control at JFK...

The immigration officer asks: “Occupation?” The Israeli says: “No. I’m just visiting."

JFK had a dirty mind...

The last thing on his mind was Jackie's dress.

I wonder if JFK ever thought about how he'd die.

At least I know a bullet crossed his mind.

JFK wasn't a terribly focused president...

One convertible ride and his mind's all over the place.

I still remember the exact moment when I found out that JFK was assassinated.

On the internet, checking out his Wikipedia page.

A man gets into a taxi at JFK

And asks the driver to head to the corner of 74th and Amsterdam.

The driver takes off at top speed, flying around cars. He approached a light just turning yellow and never lets off the gas.

The passenger asks the driver, "Wow, you didn't even blink at that yellow."

"Yeah, I ha...

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.

The Pope gets off a plane at JFK international airport...

He tells the limo to get in the back
“Why?” The limo driver replies.
“Because I’m the f#&$’n Pope” Said the Pope.
Next thing you know the limo’s going down the Brooklyn Bridge doin like 30 over the limit.
Cop pulls him over.
Pope rolls down the window
“Water you whining about” ...

Everyone knows JFK was assassinated

That's a no brainer

I saw the JFK film on the plane the other day

It was truly mind blowing

Why did JFK get some fresh air?

Because he wanted to clear his head.

How do we know JFK was a fan of PDA?

He was all over his wife at the parade

TIL; JFK bought a lifetime supply of Cuban cigars before he enacted the embargo.

The box of cigars lasted LBJ one week.

The girl in the Pina Colada song had a crush on JFK

Think about it.

"If you like Pina Coladas" - JFK was a known aficionado of rum drinks.

"And gettin' caught in the rain" - JFK was a Navy man. Fond of water, sea spray, etc. Rain is not a showstopper.

"If you're not into yoga" - JFK had a bad back. Yoga was out.

"If you .....

Just read an article on how JFK died.

Mind. Blown.

JFK was killed before his second term in office.

He only got one shot.

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Why do the gays love JFK so much?

He was the first president to take one to the back of the head

What’s the difference between the FBI and the ClA?

It's a difference of acronyms, you see.
One killed MLK, while the other killed
JFK.

Forget Washington, Lincoln, JFK. Trump Is Simply Going To Be The Best President

To Have Come in A Melania.

If JFK was alive today

He would have a huge hole in his head

What did the JFK robot say when his data was corrupted?

"ERR-AH ERR-AH ERR-AH"

The JFK files will be released today.

If there's anything that satisfies conspiracy theorists' curiosity, it's files released by the government.

What does JFK’s brain and the Flint water pipes have in common?

They both have lead passing through

54 years ago, JFK became the us president with the least brain ever

...but unfortunately his record has been beaten at the beginning of the year

What did JFK say about his multiple affairs?

"I did them not because they were easy, but because I was hard."

What do JFK, John Lennon and Donald Trump have in common?

Nothing. But a man can dream.

Trump is going to reveal the classified JFK assassination details

Turns out it was Hillary Clinton.

An Irishman is at JFK airport in New York

He is standing over a broken whiskey bottle and crying. A security guard approaches him and asks what's wrong. The Irishman wipes away his tears and says, "I LOST ALL ME LUGGAGE!"

How did the media know JFK was cheating on his wife?

They saw him getting blown in the back seat.

The Pope takes his first trip to New York City...

The Popemobile didn't fit on the plane, so he gets an armored limousine. The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says:

"If it's not a bother, I'd actually love to drive, it's the only thing I miss about my pre-Pope ...

You know man, some presidents didn’t give many opinions but...

JFK was pretty open minded

If JFK could see the state of this country...

It would blow his mind.

What do you get when you order a JFK?

An americano with an extra shot

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Johnny gets a long weekend

On a Thursday near the end of the day a teacher tells the class that whoever can name the person who said a famous quote could have Friday off.

Teacher "Ok class, who can tell me who said 'There is nothing to fear but fear itself'?

Sally excitedly shouts "FDR!"

Teacher "Thats c...

Crisis

Once upon a time, JFK had this Rubik's cube that he was extremely fond of. He was also rumored to be having a rather stormy relationship with a woman named Laura (I'll call her Ms. L). JFK went for a walk with his dog ever day between 10 and 11. One day, when he wasn't home, Khrushchev came in, nail...

Did you know they're renaming the Nantucket sound?

It's going to be called JFK Jr. Airport

Bullets

What is the difference between bullets and humans?.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. Humans miss JFK.

What did JFK say after banging Marilyn Monroe?

"Some men have greatness thrust upon them, some men thrust upon greatness."

A good-natured conspiracy theorist wakes up and realizes that he's died in his sleep and gone to heaven...God appears and says "welcome my son, as a reward for your virtuous life, I can answer one question for you about any topic you'd like with absolute certainty..."

The man thinks for a second and asks God "who actually killed JFK?"

God's eyes roll back in to his head for a minute while he scours the divine historical record. After a moment, he returns to normal and says "Lee Harvey Oswald."

The man replies "Wow! This goes way deeper than I though...

There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...

Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.

Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.

Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.

A week before ...

Obama looks rough after the last 8 years in office.

Still better than JFK after 2.

A Man throws a stick

The stick lands on a car, the dog follows it.

The car goes to JFK airport, the dog follows it. 'Come back!' Yelled the man, but to no avail.

The stick lands in baggage, the dog goes into another baggage in hopes of finding the stick.

The respective owners of the baggages are bot...

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So the Pope is on state visit...

So the Pope is on state visit to the US and is travelling in his limousine towards the hotel from JFK. Halfway there he tries to convince his chauffeur if he may drive it himself.

"Sorry mr Pope. 'Tis against company policy for clients to drive."

"Yeah but can't you make an exception j...

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A couple decides to spice up their sex life

The man asks his wife, “let’s try doing the “Bill Clinton”, where you blow me as I’m working”.

The wife says “ok, as long as we don’t do the “JFK”, where you splatter all over me unexpectedly”.

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven.

He proceeds through the Pearly Gates, and is confronted by God, in all his glory.

God - “With my everlasting knowledge, you may ask me any question, and I shall fulfill you with the answer.”

Conspiracy Theorist - “God, I have to know, who really assassinated JFK?

God - “well, t...

During Jimmy’s turn with Santa they have a tense interaction at the end of which Santa shouts “NO!!!!” at Jimmy and storms off leaving the kids angry and crying.

When parents ask him what went down between them Jimmy says it was going well till Santa asked him who his favorite president was and he told him it was Obama. So Santa asked him for his next favorite president on and on and Jimmy diligently answered one by one - Abraham Lincoln, JFK, The Roosevelts...

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A principal notices a Post-It on a locker.

"Jocks of JFK High! This small change in diet can boost your physique FOREVER! Head to the gym to find out how!"

Puzzled, he pulls it off and continues down the hall. Just a few lockers down, another catches his eye.

"Hey goth girls! Tired of dark eyeliner that just runs all day? One ...

Who were the most open-minded US presidents?

Well it was a tie between JFK and Abraham Lincoln

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