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Casinos Jokes

Why are there no casinos in China?

They hate Tibet.

How has Donald Trump managed to bankrupt so many casinos?

He hits on anything twelve or higher.

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

Why does Africa has less casinos?

Too many cheetahs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking the Las Vegas strip, and runs into the most beautiful women he has ever met. [NSFW]

He starts talking to her, and to his luck he finds out she is a prostitute. So, he asks her.

"How much for a hand-job?"

"5,000$" she replies.

"5,000$?? You must be nuts, no way."

"Walk with me." She replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment to end up in front of a re...

Casinos make a lot of money from Han Solo

They never tell him the odds

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign....

"If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."
I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"

What snack do casinos give to their patrons?

Chips Ahoy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do illegal casinos and sex have in common?

Liqueur at the front.

Poker in the back.

All the major casinos are complaining about how much money they’ve lost.

Now they know how we feel

Having owned a few casinos,

Trump should have known that the House always wins

Did you know that Vegas has more Catholic Churches than casinos?

Not surprisingly, some Sunday worshipers give casino chips when the collection basket is passed. Since they get chips for many different casinos the churches have devised a system to handle the collections. The churches send all of their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting a...

In Las Vegas people can tithe by dropping casino chips into the offertory.

And at the end of each weekend, there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.

He's the Chip Monk.

Thanks to COVID-19 both churches and casinos have closed

When heaven and hell both agree on something, you know it's serious!

There aren't that many casinos in Africa.

Cause there are too many cheetahs.

And if you meet one who claims he isn't a cheetah, he's probably lion to you.

Just found out my wife's credit card was stolen! They are spending it all on jewellery and casinos!

But I wouldn't report it because they are spending less than my wife.

Why don't casinos in Las Vegas hire girls from California?

Because they, like, can't even deal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Casino

So a guy is looking for a hooker, he finds a beautiful woman behind a casino and asks how much for a hand job. She points and says you see that Ferrari over there; my hand jobs are $500. He is taken back and says that sure is a lot for a hand job. She says baby I bought that car with all my hand job...

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