I'm a bipolar Star Trek fan.

I just went to the hospital to have my dilithium level checked.

The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women’s lingerie.

But no one would invest in Shatner Panties.

(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bi sexual Hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie watching sci-fi on wifi.

Heard this sub has a lot of Star Trek fans. Did you guys know that to cut down on costs, a lot of the cast and crew camped outside in tents while filming the outdoor scenes in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn? I just snagged one on eBay!

Yeah, so anyways - I thought you guys would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

An Avatar: The Last Airbender and Star Trek crossover?

ATLAST!

Star Trek fans always expect a gift when going to a convention

They call it the enter prize.

It always amuses me to think what must have happened in Star Trek over the next three hundred years for a Frenchman like Picard to have an English accent...

And not an Arabic one.

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Two long time friends decide it’s finally time to go on that hike through the alps they’ve always wanted to

One week into the trek, the first guy starts complaining about his feet, “they’re just so cold!” He says.
His buddy tells him that when his feet are cold he just makes sure that he rubs them bare feet by the fire every night before putting his socks on and going to bed.
His friends thanks him,...

I hope Terry Fox's cross country treks in the Marathon of Hope was an inspiration to all

not to skip-leg day.

Star Trek characters make the worst sports fans...

They always root for the away team

Joke Johnny Carson slipped by the censors

I'm not sure if this was an original Carson joke or one he could have borrowed:

One night Johnny got to talking about his Nebraska roots and he told this alleged true story during a sketch scene. Johnny mentioned that the most fearsome Indian tribe were not the Sioux, nor the Apache or even ...

I visited a load of French towns doing impressions of Star Trek characters.

Dunkirk?

Yea, did all of them.

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A Rabbi goes on a cruise.

Midway through the trip, a severe storm sinks the ship and the Rabbi finds himself the lone survivor on his life boat. Starving and dehydrated, his life boat beaches on an unexplored island populated by natives.

They take him in, and nurse him back to health. Over the course of months he is...

What do all Star Trek captains have in common?

They all have three ears.


A left ear.

A right ear.

And a final frontier.

Ricardo Montalban struggled to find acting roles after "Star Trek 2."

Nobody wanted to hire an ex-Khan.

A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner.

"Wow. I can't believe I'm meeting you at Comic Corn."

"Actually, it's called Comic Con"

"Com?"

"Con."

"Cold?"

"Com!

"Cookie?"

"CONNNNNNNN!"

I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention as a doctor...

The security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy.

I just spent $100 on a limited edition DVD of Star Trek 2

Turns out the seller was a Kahn man

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped in the woods.

Finally, the trio realize they are lost and decide to hunker down and make camp. They're hungry and decide to hunt.

The brunette goes first and comes back with a rabbit. The blonde and redhead are impressed.

"How'd you do that?" they ask.

"Simple," replies the brunette. "Found t...

Did you hear about the Star Trek poetry night?

It has it's Prose and Khan's.

Whaddya use to decide whether to host a Star Trek poetry event?

A list of prose in Khans.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boy: Dad how come there are no Jews, Christians or Muslims in Star Trek?

Dad: Cause it's the future son

Three park rangers are walking together through a wintry forest when they come upon a tiny leprechaun, shivering in the cold.

The leprechaun asks the rangers for help escaping the snowy forest, and tells them that whoever can come up with the best and kindest way to transport him out of the forest, will be granted his pot of gold.

The first ranger offers him a limousine. “You will be in the lap of luxury as you are ...

A Star Trek forum exists where Trekkies can debate additions to the universe's lore.

It's called Prose and Khans.

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What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

They both travel around Uranus searching for Klingons

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A snake bit a man on his penis

Two friends were hiking deep in the woods for a few days. On the second day, while one hiker is peeing, he is bitten by a snake on his penis. Through excruciating pain, he manages to crawl back to the campsite to his friend.

\*"A snake bit me on the penis!! You need to go get help!"\*
...

I accidentally went to my first Star Trek convention dressed as Chewbacca.

Wookie mistake.

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An ad man is overwhelmed with work...

An ad man is overwhelmed with work so he contracts our his easiest account, for Acme Nails, to his brother in law, who is a professional animator, to produce the ad.

Two days before it's due he still hasn't heard anything so he calls his BIL.

"Hey man, you must be done by now, right? I...

Patrick Stewart is talking about a new Stsr Trek show he will be in. There will be a disease or attack that wipes out all officers of a certain age, leaving Starfleet without any captains. So they bring in retired admirals to captain the ships.

It will be called "Geria-Trek."

In the year 1897 a young man named Jonathan Quimby set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect.

He started his journey full of excitement and hope. he'd purchased his nearly 2,000lbs of gear and supplies and two fine stock horses to help him carry it.

The voyage to Skagway was difficult. The seas were rough and Jonathan spent many hours at the rail, emptying his stomach into the frigid,...

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An american, A French , and a Japanese survive a shipwreck...

While clinging to floating debris and paddling towards shore they discuss what they will do to survive. The American dude says: Well, I am a carpenter by trade, so I'll build us a shelter. The French dude says: Ho-hoh! Yers trulee eez the greatest chef ever! I shall make grand meals to feed us! It g...

I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.

"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"

Revitalized, we picked up the pace.

"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point an...

For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

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Sherlock Holmes and Watson are out traveling together, after a long trek, they pitch a tent and call it a night...

In the middle of the night, Sherlock nudges Watson and tells him to "look up" "tell me what you see".

*"Well..."* says Watson, *"I see the beautiful moon and the night stars all dazzling and magnificent..."*

*"I see"* says Sherlock *"Look closer"* he insists.

*"I see the infinit...

My Girlfriend is super obsessed with Star Trek...

So one day we went rock climbing and we were talking about species, I asked her: "How many can you name?" She gave me a grin and said "Roluman, Bajoran, Cardassian, Ferengi, Borg..." She got preoccupied and fell to the bottom of the cliff. "You forgot to Kling-On!"

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Trump..

They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi ambassador says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen here in America."

President Trump says, "Well your excellency, anything I can do to help you?"

The Saudi whispers "My son watches your show *Star Trek* and in it ther...

Only hardcore Star Trek fans know Zefram Cochrane's real name.

Zefram Katsopolis.

Where do Star Trek fans work out?

At the He's Dead Gym.

Star Trek Discovery is going to have a female lead which will ruin the series.

The male captains wandered around aimlessly getting into trouble.

She will just ask for directions and head straight to the destination.

Two famous explorers decided to trek across Canada...

They planned for months to make it the perfect trip, and they each had the support of their respective governments. Each explorer was to make a daily video call to their country's #1 news station to update them on their trip, in return for funding.
The explorer from Poland set out, and he met th...

I had to break up with my girlfriend, she doesn't like Star Trek.

I told her I need some space.

A hunter and his friend are walking down a path when they spot a deep hole in the ground.

The hunter says "how far do ya reckon that hole goes?" The friend replies with "i don't know, lets chuck something down there and find out." They both lug an old radiator from the nearby bushes over to it and let it fall in. They start to count and listen for the thud, but before they hear it land, ...

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It’s 1 in the morning and a drunk bar patron decides it’s time to go home.

He gets up off his barstool and immediately faceplants.

“Oh, holy crap. I’m drunker than I thought!”

He pulls himself up with the barstool, lets go, and faceplants again.

“Shit!”

He crawls to the front door. He tries pulling himself up with the door knob and door frame. O...

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Why aren't there any Muslims on Star Trek?

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what i have seen in America." The General said, "well anyth...

I don't always seduce hispanic Star Trek fans...

but when I do, I prefer dos Trekkies

No one in the Star Trek universe knows how to tie a neck tie.

They're all use to Klingons.

For Star Wars and Star Trek fans

A stormtrooper and a red shirt are in a room.

The stormtrooper shoots the red shirt, but misses every shot.

The red shirt dies anyway.

Why did the trekkie spit out her latte at the Star Trek Convention?

Cause William Shatner Coffee.

hahahha

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They should make Star Trek toilet paper...

...so you can help wipe Klingons off Uranus.

(been a while since this one's been around. Just heard it again today from my 5 year old niece)

I can't decide if I want to watch the original Star Trek of The Next Generation...

I guess you could say I'm stuck between a Spock and a Picard place!

Wife: do you know why our son won’t wear the red shirt I laid out for him?

**Me:** nope.

[flashback to watching Star Trek]

**Me:** so the guy in the red shirt *always* dies.

What did Star Trek teach millions of kids?

To boldly split infinitives!

[OC] A programmer walks into a coffee shop

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

A fisherman took his boat far out to sea. He hooked a huge fish, and fought it for hours.

Unfortunately, as he wasn’t strapped into his seat, he was yanked overboard, and began to drown. Suddenly, he was rescued and brought back to his boat by a pair of dolphins. Without thinking, the fisherman thanked them.
They replied, “You’re welcome!” Aghast, the fisherman said, “You can talk! Th...

George Bush bought a rotisserie chicken

George Bush went to the store on day and bought a rotisserie chicken for dinner. He began his trek home when a sudden and serious hunger fell over him. His stomach grumbled, he had a headache, all his mind could think about was eating. Fortunately, he was able to bear with it until he got home. Once...

Beware the Bacon Tree.

Two men wanted to be the first ones to cross a large desert near their home town. Everyone who has ever tried had either returned exhausted and near death, or hadn't returned at all. Because of this, the men knew that they needed to seek guidance. They had heard of a shaman who would give advice to ...

A man goes to a restaurant...

Where he seats himself at a table and browses the menu.

After settling on what he wants, he places the order with the waitress.

After his food arrives, he grabs his plate and leaves the restaurant, climbs into his car and drives to the airport.

There, he boards a plane to Nepal,...

Two Englishmen crash in the desert...

They begin to trek through the sands trying to find help. After a day and night of walking the two men are dying from thirst and so incredibly hungry when they spot 3 camels crest the nearest dune and head towards them.

One man turns to the other and says, "Thank goodness, we're saved!" and b...

Condoms galore

Nike Condoms: Just do it.


Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling.


Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.


Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.


Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker.


Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: T...

A rabbi was lost at sea when he saw an island in the distance.

The rabbi swims to the island and climbs up onto the beach when he sees a small, round creature roll down the hill. Then another, and another. He goes over and asks one “Who are you?” The creature responds “We’re Trids! We just go up the hill,” as they point to a hill in the distance, “and a giant k...

A Parting Gift

An explorer, during a trek through an unknown jungle, made contact with a primitive tribe, and swapped basic language and customs. The day comes for the explorer to depart and, as a parting gift, he gives a fine silver mirror to the chief of the tribe. The chief takes the mirror in awe, and as the e...

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So a cowboy had a party to go to

Upon finishing his work on friday, he goes back to his house and tells his kid:

"get a horse ready, Im in a hurry"

"which one dad?"

"don't care, first one you see"

He takes a shower and rushes out to mount the horse for the trek, since he figures he's running late, he tak...

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There is a rabbi that studied all the religions of the world. He had worked his whole life to experience them all....

He finally had studied and participated in all the world's religions, except for one. There was the small tropical island far away from civilization. This island, the Island of Trid, was populated by the local islanders, the trids. They an idyllic culture. Easy and peaceful living in harmony with th...

Jake is driving in the desert...

And he's driving wildly. He's doing tons of doughnuts to pass the time. Suddenly, his car stops. Jake checks and realizes that he's out of gas. And nowhere near civilization. And without water.

Realizing he needs liquids for the trek ahead of him, so he searches his car for something. The onl...

Adventures in Camel Riding

A man goes to Egypt on a holiday with quite a bit of money to spend. One day, he finds a shop with a camel for hire. Knowing that riding a camel would make treks through the desert much easier, the man decides to hire the camel. The man said to the Egyptian shop owner, “How do I control him?” The Eg...

A polar bear who lived in the North Pole for 30 years decided he had enough of the cold.

So he started his trek towards somewhere warmer.

He rode a fishing boat to Canada and tried his luck there, but it was still too cold.

So he tried his luck again in Florida, but it was too hot.

Finally, he went to Ecuador and tried his luck there, only to discover how warm it is...

My 10 y.o. son cracked this joke on the driving range today.

I sliced the hell out of the ball. My son watched it land, turned to me and said, "that ball was like Star Trek Voyager ... way off course."

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when ....

...the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?"
The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
"Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelas...

Why did the starship captain buy a sub-lightspeed propulsion system that he didn't need?

It was an impulse purchase.

For anyone who isn't aware, this is a star trek fathers day joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Challenge: Change one letter in a move title to create a whole new blockbuster

Examples:

Pooper: BRUCE WILLIS finds out the hard way just how dangerous time travel can be.

Tar Trek: WILLIAM SHATNER's quest to go where no man has gone before to make Canada a major oil producer.

Gone with the Wine: Nicholas Cage drinks himself to death in the old south.
<...

There are these three older gentlemen in their club....

...somewhere in the West End of London, and it's the late 1920s or so. They're sitting in the Chesterfield armchairs, drinking their beakers of port, smoking cigars, and generally chatting about life, and the conversation circles round to the great inevitable, and they start to wonder how they want...

Nate the Snake

Once there were two friends named John and Bob. John and Bob were going to California to spend some time at the beach. As they were driving through the desert their car hit a sand dune and flipped. Bob was killed instantly, and John barely made it out alive. Since Bob and John had not planned for a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets lost hiking in

the Chinese forest in the middle of winter. After days without food or water, fighting the cold, he sees a large house in the distance. With the last bit of his strength he treks to the house and collapses on the front step after knocking on the door. An extremely old man answers the door and helps ...

A violinist notices that he can't keep his violin in tune...

... so he asks the conductor of his orchestra to help. "Take it to Opporknockety," says the conductor. "He is a violin expert."

The violinist packs his things and makes the trek to the Swiss Alps where the expert lives. Sure enough, Opporknockety fixes the problem and the violin sounds great....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two college bros decide to go on safari

They grab their gear and walk off into the distance. They come to a river and must swim across it.
They come to a cliff and must shimmy down it.
They come to a ravine and must climb up it.
They come to a rock wall and must rappel down it.
They come to the jungle and start the trek th...

Alaskan Bear Hunting Trip

A man saves up his money all Summer to go on an Alaskan bear hunting trip. He gets out into the wilderness and tracks through the underbrush for hours when he finally spots a little black bear. He gets that bear in his sights and BANG shoots him dead!

At just that moment he feels a tap on his...

A man goes to find a Holy Knight of Trigonometry

His journey started after learning everything he could from his master, but he wanted to test his skills with one of the three knights. A long journey took him across plains, he had to climb dangerous mountains, sail across perilous seas, and even fly over a river of lava, flowing from a volcano tha...

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