Priest: Do you have any idea who set fire to the Cathedral of Notre Dame?

Quasimodo: I have a hunch.

Priest: Don’t make this about you.

A drunk staggers out of a bar and into a nearby cathedral.

He eventually stumbles his way down the aisle and into a confessional. After a lengthy silence, the priest asks, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno" comes the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

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Three nuns are waiting in their monastery, each equally as tired and sweaty in the mid-summer heat

One of the nuns offers to disrobe, which the other two agree upon, seeing the brutal sun. Each of them stand nude in the empty cathedral, doing their daily duties until a knock is heard upon the door.

"Wardrobe man." Says the man, and the first nun repentantly opens the door. The man, unable ...

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A Roman Catholic priest is on his way to Rome when he runs into an old childhood friend.

“My goodness, Mary!” He says. “How have you been?”

“Oh, could be better,” she says. “My husband and I have been trying to have children for fifteen years, but we are barren.”

“I’m so sorry,” says the priest. “I’m on a pilgrimage to Rome, and I promise to light a candle for you in the g...

Did you hear about the new cathedral with no chimes whose towers won an architectural award?

It won the no-bell prize.

It was early in the COVID-19 pandemic, and

Father Michael was walking through St. Patrick's Cathedral. He noticed an altar boy furiously scrubbing the crucifix. He asked the boy what he was doing, and the boy said "I'm trying to prevent cross contamination. "

April 15, 2019 is the date the Notre Dame cathedral....

Ex-spired.

After Quasimodo died, Notre Dame Cathedral needed a replacement bell ringer, and after several fruitless months a strange little man approaches one of the priests...

"I'd like the bell ringer job if it's still available." says the man. Confused, the priest says "Of course, but I'm afraid there might be some confusion. I can't help but notice that you don't have any arms, so ringing the bells would be quite impossible." The little man smiles and says "I come from...

What did God do about France’s most famous cathedral?

Notre Dame thing!

One more friendly reminder about the Notre Dame cathedral catching fire...

Consequently, it has become the world's hottest tourist attraction though.

Father Thomas, having just graduated from seminary school in Kansas, was assigned to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in NYC.

When he arrived, he was greeted by the Mother Superior, who told him that Reverend O'Donnell was out, and suggested that Thomas take a walk around NYC to see the sights.

As he’s walking down the street, a scantily-clad young woman walks up to him and says, “$25 for a quickie, Father”. Being ...

Solid Old-Time Joke

Priest is walking through his parish, one of the hard-bitten sections of town. Pretty woman on the corner calls out to him, "Head, 10 bucks." He smiles politely, walks on, ruminates.

When he gets back to the cathedral he's still thinking it over. Walking through the garden, he comes upon one ...

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Two Leprachuans walk up to a Cathedral in Ireland (long)

The first one knocks on the door. A nun comes out and the Leprachuan asks in a thick Irish accent "sister you gotta help me. I'm in a bit of a pickle and you're the only one who can help."

The nun responds "what's it you need help with?"

The Leprachuan replies: "are there any female nu...

Long ago, there was a cathedral...

The old bell ringer had passed away and the bishop set out a sign announcing that the position was now open for new applicants. A few weeks go by without any bites, but one day a man comes in. The man had a hunched back and no arms, so the bishop was leary of his ability to perform the job, but t...

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A group of nuns were remodeling their church.

Today they were painting the walls. They didn't want to get paint on their habits (their nun clothes), so they decided to lock the doors and paint naked...

...they were butt naked and painting when suddenly someone knocked on the cathedral doors. Sister Mary explained to her sisters that ever...

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The interviewer asked Kevin if he had any special skills not mentioned on his resume...

Kevin thought for a second and replied, "Well I do know an usual number of people in the world. Even celebrities." The interviewer played along and asked, "Alright. How about Tom Cruise?". Kevin chuckles and says, "Yep! Tom and I go way back actually". Figuring Kevin was just trying to look impressi...

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A Bishop wakes up horny in an Italian Cathedral

He finds a nice quiet corner to have a quick wank. Just as he is finishing off the flash of a camera jars him back to reality. He looks up to see an American tourist with fancy camera in his hands. The Bishop zips up and says “I have to have that camera, will you sell it to me?” The tourist isn’t si...

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he wa...

A photographer was on vacation

A photographer on vacation was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that
read '€10,000 per call'.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it w...

Two Americans are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon.

Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.

"Well," one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, "why don't we attend Mass?...

Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church.

One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in tr...

The Cathedral of San Giovanni

The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influe...

The cathedral bell ringer

A long time ago the priests of the great cathedral of Notre Dame were looking for someone to replace the aging bell ringer. After a few days of searching a man enters the cathedral with no arms. He approaches the priests and says, "I hear you're looking for someone to ring the bells. Search no furth...

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The story of Dave (Not my joke)

Once upon a time there was a man named Dave. Now Dave worked in a small business office where just about all his co workers knew each other well. One day, Dave’s boss wants to get to know him better so he invites Dave to go out to lunch. While they were eating lunch and talking about various things,...

The Popes at the airport,

The popemobile broke down so he hails a taxi,

He demands the driver get him to the cathedral
in 10 minutes or less,

The driver says its impossible, the pope offers to drive,

The taxi driver considers the offer and eventually agrees and hops in the back seat,

The pope ...

When in Russia (very bad quality joke)

A man visits Russia for a month. He enjoyed everything there for the first few weeks, the vodka, the cathedrals, even the people there. It was only towards the final week that he realised things started to get a bit strange. Everyone he sees have much stronger arm muscles by the end of the month tha...

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After sex a woman tells a man that she didn't like his performance, that his organ was to small.

He looks at her and says "I didn't know I would be playing in a cathedral".

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Two Jews walking down the street

Two Jews are taking an afternoon stroll. As they pass St. Joseph's Cathedral they notice a sign posted on the front door.

**CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM
GET $50!**

"$50!!," exclaims David. "What a great deal, we can just convert back after!"

"Hold your horses," says Aaron. "It co...

Bosnian guy called Sakib just started working as a car salesman in Germany

Bosnian guy called Sakib just started working as a car salesman in Germany.

First day passes by and Sakib sells 10 cars to some Chinese guys. His boss is shocked, and then ask him: "Sakib, how did you sell 10 cars?" To which Sakib replies: "Boss, all people around the globe know me." Boss jus...

During World War II, four men are captured by the German forces...

During World War II, four prisoners are captured and brought back to a German base, set to await the death penalty in their cells. The prisoners are a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman and an Englishman.

One morning, a German officer comes in and tells the prisoners, "You are to be lined up a...

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In medieval times in Rome, the Pope, influenced by some conservative advisers, decided to expel all Jews from the city

The Pope, not wanting to seem as forcing his decision on the Jews, allowed a debate to be held so the Jews could defend their citizenship.

That night, the Jewish Rabbis gathered in the synagogue to decide who will debate against the Pope. However none of the Rabbis wanted to debate against hi...

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A fugitive sought shelter in the home of a women he knew.

Her living room had a cathedral ceiling, which is to say it went all the way up to the roof peak, with rustic rafters spanning the air space below.

She was a widow, and he stripped himself naked while she went to fetch some of her husband’s clothes. But before he could put them on, the polic...

Eventually, Quasimodo dies and the Bishop immediately decides to hold auditions for the position of Notre Dame's bellringer.

After all, nobody lives forever. The bishop posted flyers all over Paris and the French countryside in the hopes that somebody, anybody could be half as good as Quasimodo was.

At the end of the day after a long week of holding auditions for disappointment after disappointment, the Bishop i...

Atheist and The Priest

An atheist went to a cathedral and asked to talk to a priest. As the priest walked out, the atheist smirked “Father if God is all-powerful, could he create an object that he could not lift?” The old priest smiled, “My child, God had already created such an object.” The atheist puzzled, “May I ask wh...

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So Quasimodo is fed up of being the bell ringer of Notre Dame and wants to quit...

He puts an ad out in the newspaper,

"NEW BELL RINGER NEEDED FOR NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL, TRIALS THIS SUNDAY AT THE BELL TOWER".

Sunday comes around and Quasimodo is waiting patiently at the base of his tower. No one has turned up and he's losing faith that anyone will before the Sunday s...

Ubisoft giving out copies of Unity for free is so disrespectful

First theirs a cathedral burning everyone needs to worry about now Ubisoft is sending dumpster fires to everyone

Now that Lucasfilm is owned by Disney . . .

Will ILM be removing the Notre Dame Cathedral from the Hunchback cartoon?

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The Pope, the Priest, and the Nun.

die in a car accident while traveling to St. Petersburg Cathedral. The got up to heaven and awaiting for them at heaven's gates was St. Peter.

St. Peter - "Now I have to ask each one of you a question., If you answer correctly, you will pass threw the gates."

St. Peter turns to the Nu...

Dear redditors,...

...one friend of mine bought a ticket to the European Cup of Football, in 10th of July, without realizing that it's going to be on the exact same date as his wedding.

If anyone is interested to go in his place...

... the wedding is in Lisbon Cathedral and the wife is called Mar...

Small Organ

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.

After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.

"You...

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The pope is coming over for dinner, so the priest goes out to catch a fish.

The pope is coming over for dinner, so the priest goes out to catch a fish. He meets a fisherman and they go out to sea. After a while, the preist catches a huge fish.

With the help of the fisherman, the priest brings the fish onto the boat. The fisherman says, "Ah, we finally caught the fuck...

A man with no arms is in need of a job...

He lacks experience in the service industry but his missing arms severely limit his ability to perform manual labour. Everyday he goes out looking for work and everyday he comes back dejected.

One morning—while flipping through the classifieds with his toes—he comes across the following ad,...

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Lawyers and their dogs.

In 1989 the University of Nottingham funded a study to explore the relationship that develops between people and their dogs.

They got three people with dogs: an architect, a mathematician, and a lawyer. The took the dogs and put them in a large room, placing three biscuits in front of each d...

The story of Quasimodo

This was my grandfather's favorite joke. Its a long one but clean and funny.



Quasimodo was looking through the classified one day when he spotted a job opening for bell ringer at St Thomas Cathedral.
He immediately ran to see the bishop and said, "bishop, bishop, I want to be th...

Quasimodo passed away

After years of hanging out in the bell tower, Quasimodo got drunk and careless and slipped over a rail, falling to his death one cold night.

The cathedral HR department put out a posting to get a replacement for him, but due to the eerie nature of the bell tower, they only got one response - ...

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog.

A doctor, a lawyer, and an architect were arguing about who had the smartest dog. They decided to settle the issue by getting all the dogs together and seeing whose could perform the most impressive feat.
"Okay, Rover," ordered the architect, and Rover trotted to a table and in four minutes cons...

Mr Connor took his daughter, Anna, to a Vietnamese church....

....in the hopes of getting her to stop her rebellious teenage shenanigans.
Anna obviously resistant, warned him beforehand that she'll go to the church, but she doesn't want to attend the church habitually.
Mr Connor agreed with Anna, hoping the one visit will be enough.
At the front of th...

So Quasimodo decides it's time to retire...

He's getting old, and ringing the bell at the Notre Dame cathedral has become too taxing. He puts a 'help wanted' ad in the local newspaper looking for a bell ringer, and receives a response the very next day from a skinny, overeager peasant, who agrees to meet him up in the bell tower.

Upon...

Obama was scheduled to visit a Catholic church...

An aide to President Barack Obama visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral in Washington. He told the Cardinal that President Barack Obama would be attending the next mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Obama to the congregation and say a few words that would include cal...

This one's kinda long

Quasimodo is getting a little old, and he's starting to think about retiring. So he puts out an ad in the Paris Times asking for prospective bell ringers to come meet him at the cathedral for an interview. One of the first applicants is a man who doesn't have any arms. Quasi says to him, "I'm sorry,...

A group of Irish friars was running short of funds...

A group of Irish friars was running short of funds, so they decided to start a business selling flowers from the cathedral gardens. Happily, their business was extremely successful- so successful, in fact, that the local flower shop could no longer stand up to the competition. The owner, determine...

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