What does The Hulk say when someone tries to steal his mashed potatoes?

HULKS MASH!!

What do you call an injured Hulk?

A BRUISED BANNER

What do you get when you cross Captain America with The Incredible Hulk?

Star spangled Banner.

What common enemy do the Hulk and Kung Fu Panda share?

>!stairs!<

What did the Hulk say when he first saw Wonder Woman?

Hulk Smash!

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I don't understand why Marvel hasn't put any advertisements on the Hulk

The guy is essentially a giant banner.

Why is the Hulk good at advertising?

He’s a huge Banner.

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Steve Rogers: Bruce, aren't you worried about getting cancer from the Hulk's radiation?

Bruce Banner: That's my secret, Cap. *pulls out a horoscope* I'm already a Cancer.

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PS: I know, Bruce Banner is actually a Sagittarius. Don't @ me, bro.

How does the Hulk make extra money?

He flips cars.

What has 36 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?

My zipper

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The hulk is the only bisexual marvel character

He smashes everything

A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition

They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can't determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go inside the pyramid. After a few hours they come out.

...

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Hulk Hogan: Doc, I had to struggle through manic-depression all my career!

Therapist: Are you saying you had to wrestle mania?

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I like to call my dick The Hulk

Because it's green and probably has cancer

Thor, Iron Man and Hulk walk into IKEA...

Avengers... Assemble

When the Hulk goes into an uncontrollable fit of rage he's "incredible"

When I do it I'm an "alcoholic"

Bumpy Night

An unruly drunk was being escorted out of the bar by a hulking bouncer.

'You should find another job,' the drunk says sarcastically.

"I have a Ph.D in phrenology,' the bouncer says.

"What field is that?'

'I can read the bumps on your head, after i put them there.'

Weight loss

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about he...

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Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar. . .

RESUBMITTING WITHOUT LINKS



Picture it. June, 1971. London.



Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.



Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil t...

My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son’s birthday party.

Man were they excited to meet Shrek.

Courtesy of my 8 yr old son: if you’re city is overrun by hulks, who you gonna call?

Hulkbusters

So I hear the Hulk's believing in Muhammad nowadays...

Now he's gone from "Hulk Smash" to "I Slam".

How does the Hulk look in a suit?

*Smashing.*

NSFW: My wife suggested bringing toys into the bedroom to spice things up.

So I fisted her with hulk hands.

So Hulk became a Muslim...

He changes his catchphrase from 'Hulk Smash!' to 'I Slam!'

Thanos, Hulk, and IronMan created a group chat...

..It’s named SnapChat

When the Son of Odin beat on the Hulk with Mjonir...

It didn't actually hurt me too bad, the Hulk thought. Especially when the God of Thunder hit him in the back, it was rather like a Swedish massage. So the Hulk let Odinsson whale away. Why did he do this?


Because he was Thor.

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Transvestite Hooker (Very NSFW)

A transvestite hooker is getting ready for his night out. He puts on his fish-net stockings, a red mini-skirt, and his tallest red heels. While he's at his street corner, this hulking guy approaches him and belts out, "How much for sex?" The transvestite tells him that it's *that* time of the month,...

What do you call the Incredible Hulk when he hasn’t shaved in a few days?

Mark Scruffalo

Why is the Hulk a bad journalist?

He is not credible

What do you call the Hulk's potatoes?

HULK'S MASH!

How come the hulk always gets his food first?

They don't want him to be hangry.

The Credible Hulk. "You won't like me when I'm angry

because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources."

After Captain America died, The Incredible Hulk inherited the mantle.

He renamed himself 'The Star-Spangled Banner'.

Why shouldn't you buy a shirt from Hulk Hogan?

Cause it's probably a rip-off

What's The Incredible Hulk's favourite London Underground station?

Turnham Green!

Apparently The Hulk's blind date went well.

I asked him about it today and he just said "Hulk Smash."

Why America failed to save the world from Coronavirus



Thor is in Asgard

Ironman died

Captain is now old

Hulk doesn't have much power. Rest of the Avengers are suffering from Corona and China ate Spiderman and Batman.

Ryan Reynolds, Randall Park, Birdy, Daisy Ridley, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chris Evans, Margot Robbie, Mark Ruffalo, Taylor Swift, and Donald Trump are playing Among Us.

They start by picking a color.

Trump declares he is Orange: “ I will be Orange because that’s my skin color!”

Daisy then adds, “If you wanna ridicule yourself then fine, I’ll pick blue.

Taylor Swift: “Cyan for the sky.”

Mark Ruffalo: “Hulk green, Hulk pick GREEEEEEN!”
...

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Hulk Hogan walks into a bar...

Girlfriend in tow, they sit down at a table in the back of the bar. Girlfriend proceeds up to the bar to gets some beers. A drunk at the bar leans over to Hulk's girlfriend and says "Damn lady, you sure are mighty fine!" She shakes it off and walks back to enjoy their drinks.

Round two, sh...

When the Empire Strikes Back was being filmed, they considered getting rid of James Earl Jones and bringing in Hulk Hogan instead to be Darth Vader.

But they quickly decided not to when they realized the line "No Luke, I am your father, brother!" Was way too confusing.

What's the difference between Hulk Hogan and paper?

The Rock beat hulk hogan.

What does the Incredible Hulk bring to the Avenger's Thanksgiving meal?

Smashed potatoes.

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Superhero Nude Beach

Before I write the joke, I wanted to give credit to who it came from. I worked as a reporter very briefly, and we had an older fella that would always tell us one joke a day. He was a great guy and I just wanted to pass on one of his jokes that always stood out to me, so here it is.

If you we...

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Bruce Banner is the greatest cock blocker ever known.

Let Hulk smash!

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The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

So they're making a Hulk body wash...

You apply it with a Loofah Rigno.

What do you have if you've got a green ball in each hand?

The Hulk's undivided attention.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

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My 12 year old nephew told me this joke..

I have a green ball in my left hand and a green ball in my right hand.. What else do I have?

The hulk's dick in my mouth!

Cracked me up, he's really posh so was totally unexpected!

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An accountant found guilty of embezzlement was thrown into a cell with a large, hairy intimidating man

The small accountant had heard stories about how he was going to become the victim in this rough prison to which he had been sentenced. He looked up at the very hairy, sweaty, cell mate and slightly trembled.

The accountant was slightly heartened when the hulking man before him asked, "So, do...

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The bus driver

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route.

No problems for the first few stops, a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six foot eight, built like ...

Joke from my daughter.

What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato?
HULK'S MASH!

no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle

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Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife

Very Long Read:

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversa...

Success

A guy finds a strange cave entrance in the wilderness. Because curiousity's only hazardous to cats he walks in.

He sees a gorgeous woman inside. The woman lets her single-piece dress fall and says: "Take me or climb higher to success" pointing at the stairs carved from the stone behind her....

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Sex & Superheroes

It's annual superheroes new year's party. Batman and Spiderman are chatting.

All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed.

"Whats up?" asked Batman.

"Well I was upstairs looking for the toilet and I passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moan...

So Iron Man and Bruce Banner walk into a bar.

They both grab a stool at the bar and start slamming shots. Tony, a notorious alcoholic, maintains his composure.

He turns over to Bruce as he hits more back. He sees Bruce getting tipsy and a bit green.

Tony: "You okay there?"

Hulk: "Hulk smashed!"

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A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...

...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'

The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'

The i...

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John was a very fat guy who was sick of being ridiculed all the time.

So he decided to do something to reduce his weight. Next morning he found an advertisement in the newspaper claiming to help him lose weight quickly. Intrigued, he called them and asked for the plans available.
The operator told him that there are three plans
"10 pounds in a week"
"20 po...

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A guy goes in to work and his whole hand is shattered.

His boss looks at him and says “My goodness! What did you do?”

“I fist bumped my buddy on Saturday.” The man replied.

The boss looked at him and asked “Who’s your buddy? The Hulk?”

To which the man explained, “No his name is Larry but he was driving past me when we did it.”

A bartender is working one evening, when a panicked man comes charging into his bar.

"BIG JAKE'S COMIN'!" he cries. "EVERYBODY RUN! BIG JAKE'S COMIN'!"

The bartender, having never heard that name before, is a little perplexed - even more so when all of his patrons start screaming and running out the door. In just a few moments, the bar is emptied out.

A minute afterwar...

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Bears in Bars in Butte, Montana

One beautiful springtime day, a bear wakes up after a long winter's sleep, smacks his lips, and decides he's going to go to town to get a beer.

Just so happens that this bear's home is nearby Butte, Montana, and he found it pretty easy to find a bar. He walks on in, takes a stool, lays his bi...

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The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

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A father brings home a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie

and thought dinner would be a great time to test it out.

"So son, where were you doing school today?"

"At School, Dad."

The robot slaps the kid.

"Okay fine, I was watching a DVD at Bill's."

"What movie?"

"The Amazing Hulk."

The robot slaps the kid....

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