UPJOKE
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What do you call an Italian girl inside a church steeple?

Isabella

A painter was the only painter in town...

...And he tended to take advantage of this by diluting his paint a bit with turpentine. One day he was asked to paint the church steeple. He was about half done, standing high on a ladder, when a cloud suddenly came in. It started to rain, washing away his paint, and then a bolt of lightning knocked...

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"See that wall?" said the bitter Scotsman at the pub...

I built that wall, all the way from here to Glenmore, but do they call me "Angus the wall-builder? Nooo!"

"And see the church spire? Built that too. Do they call me "Angus the steeple-builder"? Noo!"

"And that terrible night when the orphanage burned down,I saved all the wee bairns fro...

One of my dad's favorites

When they started, the painters decided to paint the body of the church before painting the steeple. With the church completed and the steeple well along, paint was getting low and a thunderstorm loomed. To finish properly, they would need to climb down to the ground to get more paint. Alterna...

A man with no arms applies to be the local church bell squire.

The pastor looks him over and says - Well, we didn't get alot of interest in the posting, so the job is yours, but I'm not sure how you plan on pulling the rope to the bell?
The man climbs up to the church steeple and runs at the bell as fast as he can. BOOOONG! He hits it with his face and it so...

Why are firetrucks red?

Why are firetrucks red?
Well because firetrucks have six wheels, six is half a dozen. Usually when someone is using half a dozen and a dozen, they are referring to eggs. Eggs come from chickens, a male chicken is a rooster, roosters are often on steeples, steeples are are tall, like a mast on a ...

What’s the difference between a church bell and a politician?

I church bell peals from the steeple.

I see your multilevel meta joke and raise you a two-tiered joke.

Quasimodo was in the steeple of Notre Dame looking down on the town when he noticed a man running to the ladder of the steeple. There was something odd about the man, but from a distance, Quasimodo couldn't distinguish what it was. The man climbed the ladder, and it was evident - he had no arms. ...

What did one Christian say to the other?

"I think that we should see other steeple"

Bell Ringer Wanted

A beautiful, old church with a tall steeple and bell tower was in need of someone to ring the bell every hour as the priest was getting too old to climb the stairs.

He put out a sign asking for someone to fill the position, and an hour later he hears 3 slow thuds on the front door. The prie...

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A traveling salesman walks into a bar. It's empty except for a guy sitting in one corner nursing a beer and looking terribly bitter. The salesman orders a drink and sits down at the old dude's table.

A traveling salesman walks into a bar. It's empty except for a guy sitting in one corner nursing a beer and looking terribly bitter. The salesman orders a drink and sits down at the old dude's table.

"What's got you so down, buddy?" he asks.

"You new in town?" the old drunk asks.
...

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A guy walks into a bar in a small Scottish town...

He sees an old dude sitting by himself, grumbling over a glass of whiskey. There's no other free chairs, so he sits down across from the old man.

"What's got you so down, buddy?" the man asks the grumpy old Scotsman.

"You see that wall along the road coming into town? I built that wall...

THE LORD TRIED!

A church was flooded out and as the preacher stood on the pews, parishioners came by in a boat. "No thanks" the preacher said, "I'll put my faith in the Lord."
As waters rose, the preacher climbed on the roof of the church. When the boat passed by again the preacher said "No thanks, I'll put my f...

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Dam Buster?

Theres an old village in a valley some where with a Dam at one end.

One day theres an earthquake and a crack appears in the dam and the village starts to slowly flood.

The emergency services and army are called and the village is cleared, other than the village church where the priest ...

Two Boats and a Helicopter

*Not my joke*

A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

"Better get in, Preacher. The wate...

Painting a Church: My favourite joke

Bill, an unscrupulous painter, would often thin down his paint when hired to do a job, and pocket the money he'd save.

One day, the local church decided to do some long-awaited maintenance, and hired Bill for the job.

Bill gets to work, and after a good few hours, he's nearly done - as...

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Three sibling vampires are discussing who is the strongest.

The eldest eventually gets bored of debating and flies of into the night, coming back 5 minutes later covered in blood.

"Siblings of mine! See the lone house on the path into the city, silent and lost in a stripe of blood and fury?" shrieks the eldest with sadistic glory in his voice.

...

A priest lived behind his chapel

...and one morning, he heard a knock on his door. The priest opens the door and finds an armless man standing there.

"How can I help you, son?" Asks the priest.

"Well sir," said the fellow, "The name's Sam, and I'm down out of luck. It's hard to get by as an armless man, and I need to ...

Clergy with terrible, terrible habits.

A Catholic priest, a Methodist pastor, a Baptist minister, and an Episcopalian rector were attending an ecumenical conference. After the conferences were done and they had supper, they were relaxing in the hotel restaurant, talking.

The Catholic priest said, "You know, it's great to get to k...

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