What did the pirate say when he saw a lighthouse?

Thar she glows!

US Battleship and Canadian Navy

I remembered an old joke I read awhile back. Some details may be off, but figured I had to share:

An American battleship ship is traveling at night around Canada when the radio comes on. It says "Canadian Navy to American Battleship, we have detected that you are on a collision course with us...

A lighthouse

Is actually very heavy.

What did the pirate tell his ex-wife when he spotted a lighthouse?

Land ho

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A young man get’s a new job on a remote lighthouse. He is the youngest of the 4 lighthouse keepers.

When he arrives and starts to get to know the others he asks, “So what do you do for entertainment around here every night.”

“Well,” said the oldest keeper. “On Monday night we usually play a long game of chess.”

“That’s a shame,” the young man said. “I don’t play chess.”

“Never...

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A Navy Aircraft carrier and its entourage were traversing out at sea when they get a signal of an approaching mass.

They comm it and express for them to move out of their way they were on a mission of high importance. "Negative sir we cannot accommodate your request" The admiral quite taken aback exclaims that "Its not a request son, this is the United States Navy Aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan flanked by two nav...

[Long] This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. It was released by the Canadian Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision

Canadians: Negative. Divert your course 15 degrees to the South

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy sh...

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A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.

He turns on his signal lamp and sends, “Change your course, 10 degrees west.”

The light signals back, “Change yours, 10 degrees east.”

The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, “I’m a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.”

The light signals back, “I’m a Seama...

There was a lighthouse owner that noticed the tide was coming way too high and might wash away his home. So he called 911

It was an emerging sea.

I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home.

My lighthouse, my rules.

A lighthouse was installed at an Alaskan cape near a remote Inuit village

The leader of the village opposed the installation, but the US government overruled him.

One foggy morning, the village leader said to his people, "I told you that thing no good. Look at it: light flash, bell ring, horn go woo-woo. But fog come in, just like always."

What kind of house can you pick up?

A lighthouse.

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An old man is talking to his granddaughter.

They are sitting on a bench overlooking the town.

The old man says, "You see that lighthouse? I laid every brick that's there today, but they don't call me The Lighthouse Builder"

" You see that dock?", he says to the girl," I put down every post holding it up right now, even in the ha...

Two battleships were out at sea during heavy weather for several days...

The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.

Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow."

"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.

Lo...

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I'm gonna be turning my lights off this Halloween and pretending I'm not in.

Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules

The aircraft carrier captain saw a light whilst at sea

"Tell the signalman to warn that boat to turn to port to avoid a collision."

But the light flashes back "\*YOU\* turn to port to avoid a collision."

The captain, incensed, sends the message "This is a 200 kiloton aircraft carrier with 50 warplanes, atomic bombs and cruise missiles! \*Y...

if this dies in new i die

So a guy was carrying a house. Another guy came up to him and said, "Whoa, man are you carrying a house? You must be strong!". The "strong" guy replied, "Nah bro, it's a lighthouse."

I’d buy a house but I’m afraid I won’t be able to carry the payments.

Buy a lighthouse!

Irish Vs. English

An English naval vessel is called to attention by an Irish Guard.

Irish: Aye, approaching vessel, I advise ye turn 15 degrees south to avoid a collision.

The English Captain replies: "Negative, sir. We advise you redirect 15 degrees north to avoid said collision."

Irish: I repea...

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A backpacker is in the Scottish Highlands, when he comes upon a bar in a seaside village.

He decides to go into the bar. There is one other person there, an old, burly man.

"Yer see this bar here? I built this bar with my bare hands, chopped the finest wood in the county, with the finest nails, but do they call me McGregor the bar builder? No."

*points out the window*
...

How many people does it take to change a light bulb?

Is just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse....

Being both a moth and a sea captain is hard.

You're in charge of the ship, but up ahead you see a lighthouse. You know you shouldn't... but...

The trick-or-treaters this year didn’t get the hint about my unlit house not having candy.

It completely wrecked my quiet evening in my lighthouse.

Two blonds are trick-or-treating.

The first blonde looks up then at the second and says “The lights are off. I don’t think they are home.”
The second blond looks up then at the first and says “The lights are to on. Don’t try to trick me like that.”
The first blond again looks up and back down to again say the lights are off. <...

Halloween every year is awful.

Kids do not stop coming to my door for candy. Left and right, I have to say “I’m sorry. I don’t give out candy” so much that I just put a sign in my yard telling everyone this fact. However, they see lights and still come knocking on my door. This year, I’m going to do what I should have done years...

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Man at a bar

A young man was walking through the Irish countryside when he saw a bar and decided to go in and have a beer.

He got in and sat down next to an old man and ordered a beer.

The old man turns to him and says, "Son, do you know who I am?"
The young man says, "No, who are you?"
"My n...

The Captain of an American Airliner receives a message from a few miles ahead...

The Captain of an American Aircraft Carrier is sailing his ship through a deep fog, so much that he can barely see anything. They are moving slowly, and all crew members are instructed to be on high alert, ready to act at a moment's notice. Suddenly, he receives a call from something just a few mile...

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A Battleship...

A Battleship is sailing along when its commander receives a signal: "You're heading for a collision with us; adjust your course by 20 degrees."

The captain of the battleship doesn't want to, so he sends back "Adjust your course twenty degrees. I am a high-ranking officer and I suggest you do ...

An admiral is sailing a ship...

and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you ...

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