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The Pianist Jokes

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A fancy restaurant is hiring a new pianist

A guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."

The manager replies "That's fantastic, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?"

So John sits at the piano and starts to play one of the most beautiful songs the manager has ev...

What did Beethoven say to the pianist that didn’t perform well

Pathétique

The Pianist

A man walked into a bar and from his pocket he pulled a tiny piano and a tiny seat. He set these on the counter. Then from his other pocket he pulled a tiny man. The tiny man sat at the piano and began playing. People in the bar gathered around with amazement.

The bartender says, “where did ...

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A dude walks into a restaurant and says,

"Where's the fucking manager you cock-sucker?"

The host is surprised and replies, "Excuse me, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the dude asks, "Are you the fucking manager of thi...

Why was the pianist arrested?

He was caught playing in A minor.

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The pianist

A restaurateur needs to do something to get his business to pick up a bit, so he decides to open a piano bar. He puts an ad in the paper for a piano player and holds an audition. Unfortunately most of the applicants really aren't that good and just as he is about to give up and go home, a young man ...

I was the pianist in a piano bar

Customer walks up to me and asks “Can you play Strawberry Fields Forever?”

“No, after a few hours my fingers get tired”

What’s The Difference Between A Pianist And A Pope.

The Pianist Doesn’t Get Arrested For Fingering A Minor

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The Crude Pianist.

A pianist scored an interview at a local restaurant. He is sent to the manager and is asked to play a few songs from memory.

The pianist says - “this is one of my favourites. It’s called ‘I Was Fucking Your Dog But It Bit My Penis So Now My Balls Hurt’”.

The manager, appalled, says - “...

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The Pianist Joke

An unemployed pianist is searching for work when he stumbles upon a job advertisement at a bar that wants a pianist, so the man walks in, sits down on the stool and starts playing a beautiful melody on the piano. Alarmed, the bar manager runs out and says, "That's the most amazing thing I've ever he...

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The Homeless Pianist

A homeless man is walking along the street when he sees that the local bar is looking for a new pianist. He walks in, sits at the piano and starts to play.

The owner hears him from the back room and is blown away. He walks up to the man and waits for him to finish playing.

"That was am...

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The Tourettes Pianist.

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

'Fucking get in there you cunt!' he says to himself and ...

The Pianist

A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano.
"Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man.
"Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want."
Sure enough, th...

How was the pianist executed?

The Chopin block.

The doors are thrown open in a Wild West saloon. The pianist stops playing and everyone turns and looks. In the door is a three legged dog who walks in and says:

I'm looking for the man who shot my paw

The Pianist

A man walks into a bar and bets the barkeeper that if he can show him something he's never seen before,he gets a free drink. The bartender agrees. The man pulls a tiny man,about a foot high,and a model piano from his pocket and the tiny man plays one of Beethoven's Symphonies perfectly. The bartende...

What did the pianist’s mother say after playing the piano too loud?

Hey that isn’t forte, that’s a piano.

Why did the pianist go to jail?

Because he would only play with A Minor

How did the Pianist play without fingers?

Not very well at all...

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The perverted pianist

A classy bar is holding auditions for musical numbers, when a somewhat disheveled man comes in and starts playing a beautiful number on the grand piano. The manager adores his performance, "Is that an original number? What is the name of that lovely piece?"


"Yeah, I wrote it," the man rep...

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A man walks into a bar.

He sits at the counter and orders a whiskey, neat. As soon as the barman pours his drink, a monkey appears out of nowhere, climbs on the counter and dips his balls into the glass of whiskey.
The man sits there, bewildered, as the monkey storms out of the bar. A few seconds later, he asks the barm...

A guy walks in a bar...

(Sorry in advance for my English, it's not my first language)


He sees on the counter of the bar a small pianist, about 10 inches tall, playing on a small piano.




- Man: What's up with the pianist?




- Barman: Oh, my genie got me that.



...

There was a famous pianist

There was a famous pianist that was moving to a new mansion he had just bought. He had with him two removalist trucks. One had all his personal belongings and furniture and the second had his favourite piano in it.

As they were travelling to the mansion they passed by a quarry. As they were ...

In a concert hall, the concertmaster walks onto the stage to announce the performance

"Piano Concerto no. 1, by Frederic Chopin", - he says, followed by the musician sitting down at the piano.

The pianist starts playing, and is close to a virtuoso. The performance is flawless, the audience applauds in awe, when a large figured man in a really expensive suit emerges from the f...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

After he is served the beer he asks the guy next to him to watch his drink while he uses the bathroom.
He does his business, and when he returns the guy watching the drink says “I wouldn’t drink that if I were you.”

“Why not?” He asks.

“That monkey over there, came over and peed i...

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A talented but unemployed jazz pianist.

A talented but unemployed jazz pianist/composer was walking down Second Avenue in New York contemplating his sad life when he sees a sign in a restaurant window that says "Jazz pianist wanted, full time position." Elated at his good fortune he goes inside to apply for the job.

He meets the ma...

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A man walks into a very fancy restaurant...

"Alright!" The man yells. "Where's the fucking manager?" The manager quickly comes to the front desk and asks "would you mind keeping your voice down and avoiding such language."

"Shut up, you cocksucker!" The man replies. "Your sign says your looking for a pianist. So where the fuck's your p...

Musicians are perverts.

The drummer sits in the back beating it, the guitarist is constantly fingering minors, the bassist is slapping it around, and they all like the pianist.

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A bar owner decides to make his place a piano bar.

He hires a pianist, buys a baby grand, shuts down the bar and has it redecorated. He talks to one of his friends and says,”Man, I hope this place goes over, I’m kind of worried no one will come.” The friend says, “Well, have a grand opening. Advertise and get the word out.” The bar owner takes his a...

Blind man walks into a bar

And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!

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A man is opening up a new piano bar...

...and is auditioning pianists. It's been a long day, and he's heard dozens of of pianists play, but none of them have had that special something he's looking for. The last audition of the day comes in, sits at the piano, and starts playing the audition piece.

In short it's perfect. The piano...

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My wife's favorite client invited us to his house.

Everyone had a great time but I thought it was strange when I realized he didn't have piano. My wife's a massage therapist and had mentioned that they frequently ended their sessions with entertainment provided by the pianist.

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After an orchestra concert, the host asks if there are any musicians in the audience.

Many audience members raise their hands, and the host randomly selects three of them, and invites them on the stage for a quick quiz. The first one turns out to be a pianist, the second one is a singer, and the last one is a drummer.

The host says: "Let's have a quick quiz, shall we? Our pian...

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A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender he's short on cash. He proposes that he plays the piano in exchange for some drinks.

The bartender agrees and the guy walks over to the piano and starts playing. The bartender and patrons are amazed at the beautiful sounds that are produced from this old piano. He plays several songs in a row. After about 20 minutes he walks up to the bartender and asks if that was worthy of a drink...

A guy walks into a bar and hears incredible piano music

He looks over and notices that the pianist is only 12-inches tall, so he walks over to the bartender and asks him,

“Where did the owner find a 12-inch pianist?”

“He said that that man over there,” he points to a man in the corner of the bar, “that man can grant you like, one wish or so...

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The out of work Piano Player.

There's a piano player who's out of work, so he goes to a classy lounge to find a gig. He locates the manager, tells him his circumstance and the manager agrees to hear him play. The pianist sits down at the piano and begins to produce the most wonderful music the manager has ever heard. It fills hi...

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Bar Joke Alert

Guy walks into a bar. There's a blind pianist with a dancing monkey there, but the man thinks nothing of it and orders a beer.

The monkey chitters, runs over, and dips his ass in the guy's beer before scarpering off.

Guy cusses out the monkey and orders a second beer. Monkey runs over ...

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A lounge owner is looking for a new pianist...

A man comes in to audition for the owner. He asks, "Is it alright if I play an original piece?"

The owner says, "That's fine. Begin whenever you're ready."

The man plays a beautiful score. The owner is so moved and overcome with emotion he can barely contain himself. When the pianist f...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a martini. When its served a monkey runs up to the drink

and lowers his balls into the martini. Shocked, the man yells at the bartender, "Did you see that? What are you gonna do about that?" The bartender says, "I can't do anything, the monkey belongs to the pianist." The man storms over to the piano player and says, "Do you know your monkey dipped his ba...

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A man walks into a bar for the first time

He sees an old blind pianist in the corner with a small monkey on his shoulder.

He thinks to himself "This place seems nice" , and he orders a pint of beer.

He's looking round admiring the decor when suddenly the blind pianists monkey runs over, and dips his balls in the pint of beer a...

Deaf Genie

A guy walks into a bar into a strange scene, a foot long pianist on the bar in front of a customer staring at the pianist.

Minding his own business, he pulls a stool beside him and calls to the bartender "give me the most special order you have, it's a special day" he says.

The bartend...

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A man walks into a bar and hears the most beautiful music in the world (NSFW)

A business man walks into a bar. As he is sat down drinking his beer he notices a man playing the piano. After a few minutes he goes over .
“That tune was beautiful. I’ve never heard it before. What is it called?”
“You like to take it up the arse you filthy bitch” replied the pianist
I beg ...

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A man walks into a bar...

He sits down and helps up a tiny man onto the bar, pulls out a tiny piano from his backpack, and the tiny man begins to play.

The more average sized man orders a drink and a few minutes go by until the bartender finally gives in.

"Alright, what's the deal with the pianist?" The barten...

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A man walks into a bar.

He sits down and says, "three fingers of scotch, please." So the bartender pours him his drink and sets it down in front of him.

Just as the guy reaches for it, though, a monkey leaps out of the shadows, dips its balls in the drink, and disappears just as quickly as it came.

"Wha...

A pianist, a dancer and an alcoholic are attending a party

The doorman asks the pianist "what are you here for?", "I'm here to play music" and the doorman directs him to the instruments on stage.

The doorman asks the dancer "what are you here for?", "I'm here to get my groove on" and the doorman directs him to the dance floor.

The doorman asks...

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Took me a while

*When I was a kid, my mom always used to quote the punchline of this joke. Today, four decades later, I finally heard the joke itself.*

On a hot day, a guy ducks into a bar for a beer. There is no one in the bar but the bartender, a pianist, and a little monkey dancing on the piano.

...

A man walks into a bar...(note: better told than read)

A man (Bill) walks into a bar, and takes a ten-inch pianist out of his pocket, and puts it on the bar. The Pianist then starts to play Mozart's 7th perfectly. Another man (Jim) walks up to Bill and says, "Wow, that's amazing! where'd you get him?" Bill says, "There's this genie down the street that ...

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So a man walks into a bar with a 1-foot-tall well-dressed person behind him

The man pulls an electronic piano out of his pocket and sets it up on the bar, then sets up a tiny little stool. The foot-tall man takes a seat, cracks his knuckles, and begins to tickle the ivories in the most beautiful manner the bartender has ever heard.

As the sweet melodies resounded th...

What I had to do in Texas...

This is a pretty old one, but I figure it's worth telling just in case people on this sub haven't heard it.

In a typical wild west desert town, a typical rugged cowboy/drifter type rides his horse up to a saloon, then ties it to the post and saunters in for a drink. While he's drinking, some...

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