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Tatoo Jokes

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I told my wife that I would like to get a penis tatoo that says "My wife loves this long schlong"

She told me to stop putting words in her mouth

went to a temporary tatoo parlor

it wouldn't wash off so I went back to complain but the shop was gone.

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A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie.

The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this.


The man replies, "I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now."


So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a ...

A lizard tatoo artist applies for a job at an architectural firm...

The hiring manager is perplexed. "How" he asks, "does inking reptiles amount to 'relevant experience' designing buildings for our firm?"

"Well for starters" the lizard tatoo artist begins, "all of my drawings are to scale."

*This is OC fam. Just put my 2 weeks notice in at my day job...

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Tatoo

A guy asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that.
He replies, "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and $100 seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."

Granny tatoos

80 year old woman walks into a tattoo shop, looks directly at the artist and says "I want to get a tattoo".

The artist hesitantly replys "Well, ok where would you like this tattoo?"

Old lady: "actually I want two, one on the inside of my left thigh and one and the inside of my right th...

Tatoos of Elvis

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.

The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"

The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I cou...

My wife has a tatoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh

If you put your ear against it you can smell the sea

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A man gets the words "I love you" tatooed on his penis and goes home to show his wife

His wife replies, "honey, don't try to put words into my mouth!"

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An American sailor walks up to a urinal and starts peeing...

... A few seconds later, a fellow Irish sailor goes to the urinal next to him and starts peeing. The American's eyes start to wander, and he can't help but look down at the Irish man's penis and notice a "W" and "Y" tattooed down there. "I'm really sorry that I looked over," says the American, "bu...

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A man loved his girlfriend Wendy so much

that he tatooed her name along the side of his erect penis. But when soft, you could only see the WY.

One day in an airport restroom, he noticed a man at the next urinal with a noticeable WY on his member. The first man stretched his penis out and said "hey, you must have a girlfriend named...

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A man wants to show his devotion to his wife for their 1 year anniversary...

A man wants to show his devotion to his wife for their 1 year anniversary the next day, and gets her name "Wendy", tatooed on his penis. When he comes home that night, he tells Wendy he has a surprise for her. He undresses and shows off his dong to her, but she is confused.

"Why did you get "...

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One day Gary went into the local tattoo parlor with a somewhat odd request.

He had this great new girlfriend named Wendy , he explained , and while their sex life was dynamite , he was sure it would be even better if he had her name tattooed on his prick . The tattoo artist did her best to dissuade him , pointing out that it would be very painful and that most of the time t...

3 thugs are running away from the police

3 thugs are being chased be the police. They suddenly see a giant and beg him to hide them. The giant decides to help the thugs. He hides one in his pocket, another in his mouth, and keeps the last one hidden in his hand.

Policemen run up, and ask the giant if he saw someone suspicious. The ...

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Jamaican Holiday

So a man took a trip to Jamaica. He was having a great time. In the morning he enjoyed some world famous Blue Mountain coffee. Around lunch time he tried some ganja, and joined a drum circle. Later that evening he was at a local bar, had some Rum, and a couple red stripes. He made his way to the toi...

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