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Tat Jokes

Tit for Tat

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that student isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" student says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Student says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says,...

See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!

Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?

Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..

Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.

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If you show me your boobs, I'll show you my tattoos.

Tit for tat.

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A tattoo parlour in my neighborhood is offering a free tattoo to anyone who would flash their boobs.

It’s their Tit for Tat special.

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes...

What does one tat say to the other tat?

I am a tattoo

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A tattoo artist went to a coffee place and ordered coffee but forgot his wallet...

so he tells the woman at the counter that he can't pay for it. The woman gets angry at first and then asks "What can we do about this situation?" The tattoo artist says "Well I can give you a tattoo for free instead and we can call it even". The woman thinks for a while, reluctantly agrees to it and...

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My friend started a tattoo parlor that only accepts payment in the form of flashing.

They named it tit for tat.

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Me and my wife came to an agreement. She would let me get a tattoo if I let her get a breast augmentation

Tit for tat you could say

My dad always said to me, “If you ever meet a girl with a terrible tattoo, try to marry her.”

“She makes bad decisions, but sticks with it.”

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[NSFW] Mary has 3 kids Mat, Pat and Tat

When it was time to feed them, Mat sucked the left tit, Pat sucked the right tit, and so gentlemen, there was no tit for tat.

Tit for tat

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married. The gentleman replied, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."


"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry?"...

A Union Steward goes to a brothel . . .

. . . and asks the Madam "Is this a union house?"

"No it's not" she replies.

"How much do the girls earn?" the union man asks.

"You pay me $500, the house gets $400 and the girl gets $100"

"That's crass exploitation!" the man yells and stomps out.

Eventually he fi...

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3 Irish men in a pub…

… called Mick, Pat and Tat. The barman says "Are you all related?"

Mick said "Yeah we're triplets!"

Barman said "Triplets!, how come you and Pat are 6ft tall and Tat is only 4ft tall?",

"Well!" said Mick "Me and Pat were
breast fed so there was no tit for Tat!

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Did you hear about the prostitues fresh ink?

She traded tit for tat.

My wife comes from from the tattoo parlour

She has a tattoo right on her left nipple


I ask her why, and she replies with,


"tat for tit"

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A woman gets a free tattoo after showing the artist one of her breasts.

It was a tit-for-tat situation.

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I know a tattoo shop where you can get inked for free if you let them put a picture of your breasts on the wall

Tit for tat

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A woman walks into a tattoo shop...

After her session, she lifts her shirt.

Woman: "I trust these will cover it?"

Artist: "Wh-what are you doing?"

Woman: "I'm paying you."

Artist: "I'm confused."

Woman: "You know? Tit for tat."

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If I go to a tattoo parlor and try to pay them with a bird

Would that be a Tit for a Tat?

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Three Irish triplets walk into a bar

Three Irish triplets walk into a bar named Patty, Mick & Tat. Tat makes his way to the bathroom leaving Patty and Mick to order the first round. Mick asks the bartender for 3 pints of Guinness, and whilst he’s pouring he inquisitively asks “are you three triplets?”

“Yes we are” answers Mi...

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If a women pays for the ink on her arm with the breasts on her chest

Is that tit for tat?

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Did you hear the one about the breast cancer survivor who got a tattoo??

It was a real tit for tat scenario.

[Translated joke from my native language] The medicine man

I rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
What is this? Which person is this rat-a-tat-tatting on my door?
It is I, the medicine man.
Which medicine man are you referring to?
Yes, correctness.

I’m thinking of getting a canteen tattooed on my arm

It will be a Thermos Tat.

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I saw a pornstar in public and told her that she was beautiful. She replied that I had a nice tattoo.

It was tit-for-tat.

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I'm thinking of opening a tattoo parlor where women flash their breasts for free tattoos.

Call it..."tit for tat".

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A beautiful large-breasted woman walks into a tattoo parlor...

A beautiful large-breasted woman walks into a tattoo parlor and says she really wants a tattoo but she's short on cash, and asks if there is anything they can do to help her. The sleazy shop owner thinks it over for a moment and says, "How about this. You show me those big beautiful breasts and you ...

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There once was a woman who was quite begat

She had three babies named Nat, Pat, and Tat.

She said it was fun in the breeding,

But found it was hell in the feeding.

When she saw there was no tit for Tat.

What do you call a rat with a machinegun ?

Ratatatatataouille

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I always make women show me their boobs before I show them my body ink

You know the old tit for tat

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A plastic surgeon and a tattoo artist made a deal, where the surgeon did a breast enhancement operation for free for the tattoo artist, and in return she promised to tattoo the surgeon for free

Tit for tat

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So this girls comes into my tattoo parlor begging to get live laugh love tattooed on her back

Normally I'd say no but she was pretty hot. Next she says she doesn't have any money.

Her: "I can pay you with my watch?"

Me: "I don't want your fake Rolex. Tell you what. I'll tattoo you if you show me your titties."

Her: "What? No way! I'm not showing you my tits. Ask for some...

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After seeing my new tattoo, my angered wife retaliated by getting a breast reduction...

tit for tat.

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At our tattoo studio, women can flash their boobs to get a discount

The business model we operate on is "tit for tat".

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My cheating ex hated tattoos so I decided to get a tattoo on my left boob

That was my tit for tat

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A woman gave birth to triplets.

She named them Tim, Tom, and Tat. Unfortunately at feeding time there was no tit for Tat.

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What’s it called when a stripper and a tattoo artist trade services?

Tit for tat.

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If you’re a tattoo artist who gives free tattoos in exchange for being flashed

Are you then a believer of tit for tat?

Did you hear about that tattoo parlor that charges its patrons by letting the owner cop a feel?

It’s called Tit-For-Tat

What did Tweety Bird say when Kat Von D flashed him?

Ooh! I think I saw a tiddy tat!

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Suzie and her triplets

Suzy gave birth to triplets and named them Mat , Pat and Tat.

She fed Mat from her left breast and Pat from her right!

Moral : Sometimes there's no Tit for Tat!

Little old man on the bus

A little old man gets on a crowded city bus, every seat filled. A tough looking bloke with a lot of prison tattoos is kicking his feet onto the seat opposite him, keeping it from being used.

The little old waddles over says 'scuze me' and pushes the tough bloke's legs off the seat.
...

What do you call 2 potatoes that hate each other?

Starch enemies

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I saw a woman with a single boob and a beautiful tattoo that took up her entire back

I asked her how she could afford such a tattoo and she looked at me with tears in her eyes "tit for tat"

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What did the women say to the tattoo artist before flashing him?

Tit for tat?

(I'm sorry in advance. No more internet for me today)

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A stripper walks into a tattoo parlor...

...And asks the guy if he’ll go tit-for-tat.

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A broke girl goes to get a tattoo

She sits down, chooses the design she wants to get tattooed.

The artist happily obliges and does an amazing job.

Upon being asked for payment the girl tells she has nothing to pay.

Shockingly, the artist says "that's not a problem, just show me a tit and consider it paid, you kn...

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Ink for Pink

For a women to flash her boobs at the tattoo artist for a free inking considered tits-for-tats ?

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I'm planning to open a tattoo parlor

Where all women will get free tattoos in exchange for showing me their boobs. I'm gonna call it 'Tit for Tat'

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

What do you get when you combine silver, a personal pronoun, a tattoo, and the short form of Edward?

Ag I tat Ed.

I'm veeeerrrryyyyy agitated.

A lady goes into a tattoo palor...

to get a tat of Elvis on the inside of her thigh.

Her and the artist pick out an Elvis she likes and he goes to work.

When he's finished, she looks down and flips out! "That doesn't look anything thing like Elvis"!

They argue back and forth for a bit, and he tells her he'll do o...

What Did the Statue Say to the Other Statue?

Is-tat-u?

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A prostitute went and got some new ink...

...but she didn't have enough money, so it was tit for tat.

A blonde chick gets a tattoo...

of a conch shell on her inner thigh.

"Why did you get that tat in that spot" her friend asked her.

"So that when you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean."

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Wife: I'm going to get a tattoo.

Husband: Where at?

Wife: On my chest, above my boobs.

Husband: You should let him touch one, and tell him "tit for tat!"

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A fugitive is on the run and dips into a taqueria

He looks around the room and the only other patron is a Hispanic fellow with tats and a bandanna so he figures that the coast is clear and this is a good place to hide out for a while. The fugitive goes up to order some food when out of nowhere he gets tackled to the floor by the other patron! "Who ...

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My new breast reduction clinic is called ...

Tits for tats.

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A man is sitting alone in a bar

A man is sitting alone in a bar staring at a drink. In walks a surly, tatted up biker. He sees the man sitting alone, walk over, picks up the man’s drink and downs it in one go. He then looks at the man and says, “What are ya gonna do about it, huh?”

The man suddenly starts to break down cry...

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A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a Turkey and a Pine Tree on her inner thighs...

The artist says, "I'll do it, lady, but I gotta know: why the hell would you want those tatted on either side?"

She says, "Because I'm fucking sick of hearing my husband tell me that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

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Irish Joke

Paddy walks into a chemist ,pulls out a small bottle from his pocket, removes the cork and addresses the pharmacist.
"Wid ye mind tastin that fir me"?
The man takes a swig and screws his face up in disgust. "Thats terrible" he says. "So bitter".
Paddy replies with delight "Oh tats good ne...

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I'm not really rich enough to be a sugar daddy

But I got talking to this young girl and I sort of hinted that I could help her through college in exchange for a few favours. She looked me up and down as cool as you like and said, "Listen: the most I'm ever going to do for a sad old creep like you is let you undo my shirt once or twice a week. An...

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Irishman Without A Job

My uncle is an old Irishman and retired sheriff for the county. To pass the time during retirement, Uncle Bob has been working with a staffing organization for years. It’s an Irish organization that helps people of Irish descent find work.

One day, Bob gets a call from a young man named Geral...

A guy shows up at the Pearly Gates [Long]

Saint Peter welcomes him and says, "Welcome! Before I let you into heaven, I'd like to look over your life actions to see if you were a good person." The guy agrees and Peter opens his book. Saint Peter looks very concerned one moment, then very confused the next moment, and eventually the guy asks ...

[Joke Request] Tell me your sheep jokes.

Hi /r/jokes.

I'm not much of a joke person. I never know any, and I don't even really enjoy them. Sorry.

But I have this (Welsh) friend see, who loves them - and it's become tradition that in between beers, he tells joke after joke while giving me a hard time about not knowing any. We ...

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My ex-wife had my name tattooed on her boob, but she had it removed.

I’ve been erased from her mammary.

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A teacher walks up to the blackboard and writes DEFINITELY

She turns to the class and says, "Today we'll be looking at the word 'definitely'. Definitely is when something is assured and there is no chance of doubt. Now, I want some volunteers to use definitely in a statement."

Little Suzy raises her hand and says, "I am definitely going to the park a...

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I got an inspirational quote tattooed on my dick...

But women were like, TL;DR!

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