what do you call a paraplegic child that just learned tae kwon do

partial arts

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An auld fella from the west coast of Scotland is staying at a bed and breakfast in Cornwall.

On the first morning of his stay, the proprietor serves him a full English breakfast (sausages, bacon, black pudding, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried slice and two pieces of bread and butter).

Later, as he’s about to go out, the proprietor asks him was the breakfast all to his liking.
...

Judy came home from shopping and met her 19 year old granddaughter Tae walking out of the shared apartment.

Tae was wearing a sleek black top through which her nipples were easily seen against the threads. In shock, Judy said "Granddaughter! I cannot allow you to go out of this house in such apparel! Your goods are showing way too much!"

To which Tae replied, "Loosen up, Grams. This isn't the 70s, ...

A Swede, an Irishman, a Scotsman, and their wives went to play golf one day. They were about to tee off on the first hole.

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good Grief, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any....

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How loang does it take an english wifey tae dae a shite

Aboot nine months.

What is the worst martial art?

Tae Kwan don't

Which martial art is the bakers favorite?

Tae Kwon Dough

A girl dares a scottish boy to climb up a flagpole.

He bets her five dollars that he can and she agrees. He climbs all the way to the top and gets his five bucks.

He tells his mom after school, feeling proud of his accomplishment.

“Och honey, she jist wanted ye tae climb th' pole sae she coods see up yer kilt.” She says, shaking her hea...

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An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all in a car, headed to Parliament.

When they arrive, they drive through the front gates and park up outside.

The Englishman says, "*I'm going to speak to the Prime Minister, to see what we can do about getting some national pride back.*"

The Scotsman says, "*Ah'm goin' tae speak wi' the Prime Minister, an' ask if they c...

While you studied Google fu,

I mastered the arts of tae Qwant do.

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotchman are marooned on an island

John, Mick, and McTavish have been stuck on the island for a very long time, and all have grown long beards.

One day while exploring, John discovered an old type of lamp, like an oil lamp.

Mick saw it and said "It could be an ol' genie! rub it a few times"

John rubs the lamp thr...

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A man is sitting at a bar when an Asian man walks in and sits next to him

Five minutes later the Asian man kicks the first man off his barstool

The first man looks at him and asks him why he did I that and the Asian man replies that's karate from Korea

Not wanting any trouble the man gets up and sits back down

Five minutes later the Asian man kicks th...

A Glasgow girl goes to the Civic Center to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the civil servant?

"10" replies the girl.

"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"

"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec

"Doesn't that get confusing?" "

Naw..." says the girl "its great bec...

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A college student does a semester abroad, and lands in the Shetland Islands...[this one benefits from a fine Scots brogue!]

He's doing some research into a certain strain of peat that grows up there in the harsh, cold Shetland climate, and he takes a plane to a boat to a small plane to a ferry, and arrives around midnight.

And nobody is there. Nobody at the ferry pier, nobody in the streets. He finds the address o...

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Little Ian

A teacher was testing children in a Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church," she asked them, "would that get me into heaven?"

"NO!" the children ...

Two Irish men renovating a house

Paddy is pulling up the floorboards and placing the nails into two piles.
Mick says "Paddy, why are ye puttin the nails in two piles?"
To which Paddy replies, "these ones I'm goin tae use again but those other ones are upside down"
Mick then says, "Paddy you eedjit, ye can use them for the...

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