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Jong Jokes

Why is Kim Jong-Un so chubby?

Because he never had to run for his office

They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book

That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader

A Joke About Kim Jong Un

[removed]

What did Kim Jong-Un say yesterday before he died?

My Korea is over

Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of...

What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. ...

Kim Jong recently lost his job

He was in the wrong Korea

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its mea...

Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin were having a meeting in a 20 story building.

During a break the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

Putin expla...

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un jump off a cliff. Who wins?

Mankind

So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...

...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.

North Korea announced to have successfully landed a man on the Sun

During a live interview with Kim Jong-un, a reporter asked, "the Sun is very hot! How did you land a man?" Kim proudly replied, "we launch at night!"

Meanwhile, Trump tweeted while watching the live, "Haha what an idiot! There is no Sun at night!"

What is Kim Jong-un's favorite Christmas decor?

A mistletoe!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.

Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-un of North Korea has said he's going to destroy America

So Trump was livid saying "That's MY job, and I'm not going to just stand by and see an Asian snatch away another American job."

North Korea will send man to Sun in 10 years

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.

Then Kim Jong-un quietly answer...

I don't get how a member of the Kim Jong family dies randomly

He wasn't even Il

Why did Kim Jong Un kill all the owls in North Korea?

Because they all kept repeating "Coup, Coup."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Kim!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Kim replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said ...

Kim Jong Un visits a pig farm somewhere in rural North Korea. A photograph of him with some pigs is taken.

The caption reads: Several pigs surrounding Dear Leader (3rd from left)

Kim Jong Un is currently..

The Shrodingers cat of dictators.

I was surprised when Kim Jong Un agreed to let me marry his daughter

Cause now I get to call him my father-un-law

What did Kim Jong Il call his Kindle?

The Dear Reader.

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:

“North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by sayin...

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

If Kim Jong Un named his son Kim Jong

Then his sons full name would be Kim Jong Deux

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

Thanks to Kim Jong-un....

Donald Trump is only the second most brain dead world leader...

Kim Jong-un's doctors...

Probably fancy a Korea change

Kim Jong Un got cloned...

Kim Jong Un got cloned.


What will we call him, asks the scientist ?


"Kim Jong- Deux" replied his French assistant.

Kim Jong-il became Kim jong-ded

Now Kim Jong-Un with his wife who has vanished from public since 7 months, might be having a Kim Yung-Un

What's Kim Jong Un's favorite step of mitosis?

Nuclear division.

Kim Jong Un went to get his palm read.

"Ah", said the mystic. "One year from now I see great glory in your future.

Two years from now I see even greater glory.

Three years from now the glory is joined by love.

However I must warn you that past that I can read nothing of your future."

At this the dictator gets...

Kim Jong Un released a statement today

I don’t know what it said it must’ve been Morse code, all it said was *beep* *beep* *beep* *beeeeeep*

There's a rumour that North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un is dead.

But personally, I think he's just Kim Jong Un-well

Why Kim Jong-un has dark circles under eyes?

Because the enemy never sleeps!

Why does Kim Jong-un keep attacking South Korea?

Because he doesn't have Seoul?

I heard that Kim Jong Un is sick.

I guess that makes him Kim Jong Ill

(I hope this isn't a repost)

Why didn't Kim Jong Un cry when he heard his half brother, Kim Jong Nam, had been killed?

Because the news was unbereaveable.

Kim Jong-UN walks into a bar...

...in his dreams

What do Schrodinger's cat and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They're both alive and dead until you see them!

Breaking news KIM JONG UN just lost 50 lbs

He is now addressed as Slim Jong Un

What do Kim Kardashian and Kim Jong-un have in common?

They both host national TV shows.

Why couldn't Kim-Jong Un get into heaven?

Because he had no Seoul...

How many doubles does Kim Jong-un has?

None, there is not enough food in North Korea for second Kim Jong-un.

Someone asked me if Kim Jong was ill

I said no that was his father

Kim jong il takes Kim jong un on a visit to a food processing company.

Il points at a machine and says: “This one, you put a pig into it and sausages will come out on the other side. The power of science is amazing!” To which Un replied: “ Is there a device then, where you put in a sausage, and pig comes out?”
•

Kim jong il: YOURMOM

Don't make fun of Kim Jong Un just because of his condition.

It's not his fault he suffers from projectile dysfunction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked in on kim jong-un with his penis inside a jacket potato...

I didn't know what to say, I'd never seen a dick-tater before

What's the difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong Un?

Kim Jong Un has control over his country.

I guess Kim Jong-un is just like his father now

He’s become Kim Jong-ill

Kim Jong-Un decides he wants to go hunting and takes his three top ministers with him, the Minister of the Interior, the Minister of Defense, and the Minister of Propaganda.

After a short while of stomping aroiund in the woods, they come across some ducks. Kim turns to his Minister of the Interior.

"Shoot the ducks!" he orders.

The Minister of the Interior raises his shotgun, aims, fires, and misses all the ducks.

Kim stares at him. The ducks start ...

What do Kim Jong-Un and Bok Choy have in common?

Both are Korean vegetables

Kim Jong Un walked into a bar

The North Korean media still said he got a gold for high jump

Donald Trump recently met with Kim Jong-un

"It was very informative. I didn't understand everything this fat and delusive statesman was babbling about but I think I could learn a lot from his cruel camps", Kim Jong-un was quoted.

Did you hear about the surgeon who botched Kim Jong Un surgery?

Yeah, me neither.

There was this musician in North Korea…

One day he was called upon Kim Jong-Un himself to compose a piece of music and have the great North Korean orchestra play it to him in the humble auditorium.

The man, not wanting to displease the Great Leader, did as he asked.
The big night arrived with the musician stood at the fron...

What do you call a potato on Kim Jong Un’s balls?

A dictator.



Came up with this in my history class haha

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladamir Putin, Hitler , and Kim Jong Un all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it's for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next up, Hitler ca...

A North Korean man was arrested and given 15 years for calling Kim Jong Un a fathead

1 year for insulting the Supreme Leader and 14 for revealing a state secret

They say Kim Jong Un attended the opening of a fertilizer factory

...it is unclear whether he was there as a spectator or as a fertilizer.

If Kim Jong-Un like nukes so much...

Isn’t he just Fallout Boy?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong Un

I remember reading a news story about North Korean propaganda. One piece involved a lie Kim Jong Un told his people. In an effort to deceive the people into thinking he was a deity, he told them he never has to defecate. I remember reading that and thinking, "Wow, he is so full of shit."

I just read North Korea sentenced Trump to death by hanging for calling Kim Jong-un 'short and fat'.

Fake Noose?

Apparently Kim Jong Un supervised the testing of a new missile weapon system.

I don't know, but it seems quite dangerous to have missiles being fired Un-supervised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kim Jong-Un has reportedly made a public appearance after opening a fertiliser factory.

I smell bullshit.

If Kim JongUn gets a son...

Does that mean his sons' name will be Kim jondeux?

North Korea: Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be landing a man on the sun within 10 years.

A startled reporter shouted, “But the sun is thousands of degrees
Celsius. No one can get within 10 million miles of the sun!”

The audience was stunned at the reporter's brazen challenge and the room
fell into a long silence. But instead of having the
reporter arrested, Kim calmly re...

Kim Jong il is dead?

I guess that's the end of HIS Korea.

Osama, Ghaddafi, and Kim Jong Il?

Santa must be taking his naughty list a tad seriously this year.

Kim Jong un would be great at call of duty

If team kills counted twords the "nuke" scorestreak

TIL Kim Jong-un has read every book ever written and that's why he's known as...

...The Supreme Reader.

I much prefer Kim Jong Un to Donald Trump

One of them was a businessman for most of his life, while the other has been a politician for his whole Korea!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I believe it when they say Kim Jong-un doesn't pee or poop...

Why else would he be so pissed and full of shit all the time?

What’s Kim Jong Un’s favourite sport team?

Houston Rockets ...

What was Kim Jong Un's favorite class in school?

Literature. He is a supreme reader after all.

What's Kim Jong-un favourite type of honey?

Manuka.

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