I often say il mondo to my Italian friends

it means the world to them

What did Kim Jong Il say before he died?

"My Korea is over"

How do you make a pool table laugh?

Tickle it’s balls. :)


Il let myself out....

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Il never forget my grandfathers final words.

"Stop shaking the ladder you cunt"

So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...

...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.

What did Kim Jong Il call his Kindle?

The Dear Reader.

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I went to the doctors office the other day and found out ...

...my new doctor is a young, female, and drop-dead gorgeous.

I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and il check it out."

I said, "My wife thinks my dick tastes funny".

Kim jong il takes Kim jong un on a visit to a food processing company.

Il points at a machine and says: “This one, you put a pig into it and sausages will come out on the other side. The power of science is amazing!” To which Un replied: “ Is there a device then, where you put in a sausage, and pig comes out?”


Kim jong il: YOURMOM

A customer came into a shop and told the shop assistant that he wanted to buy a Kim Jong-il

Assistant: Excuse me, a what?

Customer: Oh sorry, I have trouble remembering the names of items, so I use word association. I want to buy a short ruler.

Assistant: Oh, a Nicolas Sarkozy. Why didn't you say so?

Osama, Ghaddafi, and Kim Jong Il?

Santa must be taking his naughty list a tad seriously this year.

A man orders a coffee

A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks "Can I help you sir?".

The man answers "What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?".

The bartender says "That would be $2.60".

"Alright, I'll have one." says the client and he takes 26 dimes out of his wallet and he thr...

Kim Jong-il became Kim jong-ded

Now Kim Jong-Un with his wife who has vanished from public since 7 months, might be having a Kim Yung-Un

What song did Kim Jong Il request be played at his funeral?

Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.

What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today?

Scratching at the lid of his coffin.

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Kim Yong Il, Stalin and Hitler have their personal hell...

...which consists of a swamp that will let you sink deeper the more lies you spread during your time as a leader.

Kim Yong Il is buried till his waist.

Stalin is buried till his chest.

Hitler is standing upright above them all, barely sunken in till his ankles with a big grin on...

How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography?

"Dear Reader"

Two priests go into the shower

In the shower they notice that there are no soap.

One of them says "Il go to my room and bring 2 soap bars" runs naked to the room, grabs 2 bars of soap and when he was running back...

3 nuns show up, first thing he remembers to do "freezes like a statue"..

Nuns look at the s...

According to North Korean press, Kim Jong Il has entered a sleeping contest.

Ta-da!

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

2 football players are in a bar

One walks up to the other and says hey, wanna shot?
The other says: Il pass

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A Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker go on a safari...

Along the way they run into a tribe of cannibals. The chief was a pleasant fellow, but had some unfortunate news for them.

"Gentlemen, I am sorry but I must follow the way of my people."

"Oh?" says the Brit. "What's that?"

"Well..." the chief responds, "We will kill you, cook...

Do you know they named the first nuclear cannon, Atomic Annie, after a woman instead of a man?

Because Atomic Adam sounded too Eve'il.

P.S. This is OC, so I really hope it _blows up._

I don't get how a member of the Kim Jong family dies randomly

He wasn't even Il

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A very drunk patron at a bar is trying to impress everyone with his fighting ability.

"I am trained in every hand-to-hand combat there is," he says. To further prove his point, he walks up to Boudreaux, who happened to be in the bar, and whops him behind the neck! "Karate chop from China," he says.

Poor Boudreaux gets up off the floor and sits back in his seat, saying nothing....

Two scientists entered a bar

One orders H^(2)O the other said "Il have H^(2)O^(2)" and dies.

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This Custodian’s Cleaning Method Leaves These Girls Rethinking Lipstick

According to a new report, a certain private school in Chicago, IL was faced with a unique problem.


A number of 12th grade girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. Applying and wearing the lipstick was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would ...

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The time I worked at a school for disabled kids

I stood at the front of the class and presented the children with a picture of a mountain bike and asked,
“What is this image of?”
“Mountain bike, sir”
“Well done mong number 1”

Then i showed a picture of a bmx and repeated my question.
“Bmx bike sir!”
“ That right! well done m...

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So a guy walks into a bar for a beer

Sits down and spots a jar full of 20$ notes , he asks the bartender what it was for and the bartender explains that if anyone does the 3 bar challenges , they would get the jar as a reward . So the man asks what the challenges were and the bartender starts explaining ...
1. You have to go knock o...

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Why is it called Boob Sweat

And not humidititties?

Il let myself out..

The Democratic People's Republic of North Korea

Why is Kim Jong Un so evil? Because he has no Seoul. In fact, he made a Korea out of it.

Why was Kim Il Sung evil sometimes but not evil other times? He used to have a Seoul.

North Korea

Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin are having a summit meeting in Moscow. During a break, they’re bored, and they decide to take a bet to see whose bodyguards are more loyal. Putin is on the 20th floor and calls on his bodyguard Ivan, opens the window, and says: “Ivan, jump!” Sobbing, Ivan says: “Mr. Pr...

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[NSFW] Having sex with a chicken and an egg tonight.

Il let you know which comes first . Either way we're all getting laid.

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A man with a french mother and german father dies and goes to hell.

The devil tells him

"Since you are both french and german, I will let you choose between going to french hell or german hell!"

The man asks to see them first, so the devil takes him to french hell. People are standing in a never ending lake, up to their chin in sewage and chained by th...

Life Span

Doctor told me i have a bad ilness and he gave me 2 weeks to live, i shot him...... judge gave me 25 years

Why you shouldn't you buy Russian underpants ?

Coz Cher-nob-il fallout !

Dropped my dog on the floor at the multi-cultural neighborhood party I was hosting...

My British friend exclaimed "Oh no! Is he okay?"

My Spanish friend exclaimed, "*¡Oh no! ¿El está bien?*"

My French friend exclaimed, "*Oh non! Est-ce qu'il va bien?*"

My Chinese friend exclaimed, "Five second rule!"

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A young couple goes to a picnic...

The husband started preparing the food while the wife, wearing a skirt, spread a blanket and laid down. Suddenly a wondering bee appeared and started flying around the wife. The bee found its way under the wife's skirt and went deeper then expected. The wife panicked and yelled to her husband: "Dave...

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So a bar tender tells a man its 2am, he's got to go.

The man stands up and falls flat on his face.
He tells himself he'll be better after he gets outside.
Crawls outside, falls flat on his face.
Says Il be fine when I get home.
Gets home, again he falls flat on his face.
Decides hes gonna sleep it off.
Next morning his wife wakes h...

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The Great Leaders' helicopter ride

Kim Il-Sung, Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un were on an helicopter touring Best Korea's coutryside.

Kim Jong-Un said: "I'll toss a 100-dollar bill out the window make one man' day."

Kim Jong-Il said: "That's not how you do it; I'll toss ten 10-dollar bill and make ten people happy."
...

Who hosts the Late Night Show in North Korea?

Jimmy Kim-il

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A North Korean Joke

*Son to Mom: I don't want to go to school today and I'll give you two good reasons. The students hate me and the teachers hate me.*

*Mom to Son: Son, you have to go to school today and I'll give you two good reasons. You are the principal and you're thirty five years old.*

As told to ...

Got these off a Laffy Taffy

Kristine O., New Bedford, MA

Where does Scrooge go to in New York City?

The Grumpire State Building!


Sandra M., Dekalb, IL (And this one doesn't even make any sense)

What did the cake say to the candle?

You're burning my back.


Why does Laffy Taffy al...

A Jumper

On January 9 a group of Pekin IL , bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off a Peoria bridge, so they stopped.

The Harley leader, George a big burly man of 53, gets off his bike, walks through the gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says, "What are you doing?"...

Air Traffic Control joke

Two pilots were talking in a bar. One asked the other what is the worst air traffic controlling he had experienced. He told the following story....We were coming into Madrid it was socked in with heavy fog and the ILS (Instrument Landing System) was out so we were getting talked down by their radar ...

Une blague en Français - For french people only

Une femme avoue à son mari qu'elle a un fantasme depuis plusieurs années de faire l'amour pendant qu'un grand noir leur fait du vent avec une feuille de palmier.

Après y avoir bien réfléchi, le mari décide de demander à son collègue de l'aider.

Le lendemain, ils sont donc tous les 3 (l...

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At the end of WW 2, three soldiers - an Italian, a Japanese, and a Pole - were facing a Russian firing squad.

The Russians decided to shoot the Italian first. They asked if he had any last words, and he yelled "Il Duce!" The squad leader then gave the command, "Ready... Aim...." and the Italian saw his life flash before his eyes, and remembered his home near Mt. Vesuvius, and yelled out, "Volcano!!!" ...

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3 test in hell

Three guys die and go to hell. The devil greets them and says: "to show u guys that I'm not such a bad guy, Il give you 3 test and if you pass them Il send you to heaven". The three men are very exited and ask what the test are. Well, you can do them in any order but must do all 3. One of them is yo...

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