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Bae Jokes

What do you call a terrorist's girlfriend?

A Guantanamo Bae


Thought of this one earlier and just had to share

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a female farmer and Hitler's girlfriend?

One bails her hay and the other heils her bae

[NSFW]Bae: babe come over..

Bae: babe come over

Me: I can't I'm having a threesome with an older couple

Bae: my parents aren't home

Me: I know

Is any word in English more annoying than "bae"?

Maybae not.

If Kermit The Frog converted to Islam, would that make Miss Piggy...

Haram bae?

Where is the most romantic place to sit in the Chesapeake area?

By the Bae

Bae’s Theorem is P (chill | Netflix) = P(Netflix | chill) * P(chill) / P(Netflix)

Note: {People who get this} ∩ {People who actually Netflix and chill} = ∅

What is the best herb to give your lover?

A BAE leaf

A Muslim couple visit a restaurant known for serving exotic food. As they peruse the menu, the husband exclaims, "Wow! That gorilla burger sure looks good!"

His wife looks up in surprise. "That's haram, bae!" she admonishes.

What does a monster call his girlfriend?

What does a monster call his girlfriend?

Zom-bae

(... I'll leave now.)

Why is your injured girlfriend so cold to you?

Because she is a sore bae.

What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend?

One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I started dating this danish woman and this is what happened...

I started dating this danish woman and posted a picture of us on Instagram. (I captioned it chillin with my new bae). Shortly after she saw this, she broke up with me. Turns out bae means poop in danish?!

My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning

She asked me how to get her hand out quickly.

I told her, "Dig south for her arm, bae."

What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?

A bae con.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Muslim person say when they're asking someone to be their sex friend?

Will you be my haram bae?

What did Grendel’s girlfriend say when a dangerous canine started to approach them?

“Look out, bae! A wolf!”

What do you get when your lovers soul is permanently stuck in a sword?

A bae-blade

My girlfriend used to work at an American prison in Cuba.

She’s my Guantanamo Bae.

So, the Muslim word for sin is haram...

... does that mean a Muslim's sinful girlfriend would be called a... Haram bae?


I'll see myself out.

What do you call a group of attractive, promiscuous witches?

An Easy Bae Coven.

a muslim couple goes hunting and accidentally shot an ape. "ouch, that's a shame. can we eat him so he wouldn't die in vain?" said the girl. "no, we cant" the guy replied. "why?"

"it's Haram, Bae"

My Girlfriend Just Got Her Wisdom Teeth Out

She was telling me that her face was sore, so I told her she was a *"sore-bae*, get it? Sorbet?". And then she turned around in bed and wouldn't talk to me.

Remember to let your significant other drink lots of tea today!

It’s patriotic to put tea in the bae.

What do you call a Significant Other that lives in San Francisco?

A Bay-Bae

A Muslim guy's girlfriend was killed for eating pork

RIP Haram bae

What do you call a hot Indian?

A Bomb Bae

Are you aware the the Quran specifically forbids dating Gorillas?

It turns out you're not supposed to have a Haram Bae.

A Muslim Couple decided to spend their day at the zoo.

They stopped at the Gorilla enclosure.

The Girlfriend then said, "The baby gorilla is soooo cute, I want to kiss it"

The Boyfriend then said. "No! That is Haram bae!!"

Who called it 'polygamy and monogamy'...

...and not 'PirateBay and PrivateBae'?

I outbid all the other guys for my online virtual girlfriend.

Now she's my eBae.

I want to create a VR girl/boyfriend simulator for those alone on Valentines Day...

I shall call it, E-Bae

I'm making a movie about a guy who thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him, so he secretly followers her around to keep an eye on her.

It's called "Bae Watch".

What did the married man call his side chick?

Bae B

What seasoning does a widowed cannibal use?

Old Bae

What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia?

Haram bae

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam

My gf asked me if gorilla meat was forbidden in Islam.

I told her, "Yeah, it's haram, bae."

What do the neighbor's wife and a dead gorilla have in common?

They're both haram bae.

What should the Packers call their cheerleaders?

Green Baes

The Muslim Who Dated An Ape

Did you hear about the Muslim who was caught screwing an ape? He was stoned to death along with his haram bae.

If you make fun of your significant other's love of Hunger Games are you....

Mockin'Bae

What was Beethoven's girlfriend's name?

Bae-thoven.

I'll^see^myself^out.

What is an overly attached girlfriend's favorite TV show?

Bae-watch.

Where can you bid on internet mail order brides?

eBae

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beth had her Dodge truck stolen

Beth had her dodge truck stolen. She called the police and they told her they'd send their best detective out in search of her Dodge. The woman called her son John and told him all about what had happened. When John told his girlfriend about it, she was wrought with distress. John said to her, "don'...

I'm from the friendzone originally

But now I live in the bae area.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Advice

In the province of Punjab, lived Joe- the most desirable man in the entire world. The prettiest women all around the world desired to have him, and Joe, who co-incidentally happened to be a big fan of The Office, was aware of the effect he had on women.

Joe was very clear that he wouldn’t le...

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